A Bunch of (2nd) Bananas

Those lurking just outside the spotlight.

We all crave the spotlight. No one sets out to become known as “that other guy.” But, some have established lucrative careers positioning themselves as “2nd bananas.”

Names which immediately spring to mind include: Ed McMahon, who spent thirty years intoning, “You are correct Sir!” and “Heeeere’s Johnny!” as sidekick to Johnny Carson, on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson; and Barney Fife, a character played by Don Knotts on The Andy Griffith Show, a bumbling deputy to Griffith’s character, Sheriff Andy Taylor; and Regis Philbin, whose stint on The Joey Bishop Show in the late 1960’s (for just two years) forever saddled Regis with the “2nd banana” tag, although he went on to headline many shows, including Live! With Regis and Kathie Lee and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

Who are some other memorable sidekicks, you ask? Well, you’ve come to the right place. In our never-ending quest to achieve “three-ness” with the universe, we’ve traveled past a lot of number twos. Those to whom we’ve waved bye-bye include:

• Robin - setting aside for a moment the undercurrent of homoeroticism which permeates the relationship between Batman and Robin, we have to say: “Man, that Robin sure looks good in a cape and tights.”

• George Costanza - the only success that Jerry Seinfeld’s buddy in the sitcom, Seinfeld, enjoyed, was when he consciously did the opposite of what his instincts told him he should do, earning him a job with the Yankees. And, lest we forget, he was able to extract Kramer’s golf ball from the blowhole of a whale which had been beached. Now, you might ask, what about Kramer? Or, Elaine? Weren’t they Jerry’s buddies also? Well, yes, but Kramer was a “hipster doofus,” which I think automatically disqualifies him from the role of sidekick. And, Elaine was a woman, which. . .c’mon, no angry letters and emails on this one, okay? I don’t make the rules here (except, of course, for the Rule of Three).

• Ethel Mertz - Ethel Mertz was, of course, Lucy Ricardo’s neighbor and best friend in I Love Lucy, but why are we neglecting Fred Mertz? He was a pal of Lucy’s husband, Ricky Ricardo. I believe the bond between the two women was much stronger that that between the two men. I mean, Ethel was right there with Lucy at the chocolate factory, on the assembly line.

  

  Although, you have to wonder: where was Ethel, when Lucy was stomping grapes?

  

• Ed Norton - Ralph Kramden’s bosom buddy, Ed Norton, in The Honeymooners, usually became enmeshed in Kramden’s crazy schemes. One of his more memorable appearances was the episode in which Norton is teaching Ralph how to play golf, reading from a how-to guide that, once ready, the golfer must address the ball. Norton tips his cap, and exclaims, “Hello, ball,” to the golf ball. Now, that’s just good clean fun.

• Barney Rubble - one could argue that Barney was Ed Norton in cartoon form, to Fred Flintstone’s cartoon character reimagining of Ralph Kramden, in the animated series, The Flintstones. I know what you’re thinking right about now: “Man, you have watched way too much TV.” Also, allow me to point out that The Honeymooners never resorted to introducing a tiny, green, alien character, such as “The Great Gazoo,” although Norton did suit up to watch Captain Video and His Video Rangers on TV.

  

• Tonto - first introduced as a radio show in the early 1930’s, The Lone Ranger featured the eponymous hero, a former Texas Ranger who fought outlaws in the Old West, with the aid of his “faithful Indian companion,” Tonto. The television adaptation utilized Rossini’s “William Tell Overture Finale” as its theme song, which, in addition to music featured in a handful of Bugs Bunny cartoons, constitutes the sum total of most Americans’ knowledge of classical music.

• Donkey - voiced by Eddie Murphy in the animated Shrek films, Donkey was the talkative companion to Shrek, an ogre, who was voiced by Mike Myers. I think this relationship provides us with a cautionary tale, when we set out to choose a “2nd banana” to accompany us in our own life journeys: Choose a sidekick who will support you in your every endeavor, and who will always have your back, but, make sure that he knows when to simply shut the hell up.

• Wilson - Wilson is a volleyball, which becomes Tom Hanks’ boon companion while he is stranded on a deserted island, in the film Castaway. Speaking of castaways stranded on deserted islands, any one of the seven characters included in Gilligan’s Island might have made a better island buddy for Tom Hanks, although Thurston Howell III seemed like kind of a dick.

• Piglet - Winnie-the-Pooh, of Winnie-the-Pooh fame, had many adventures with his pals: Eeyore, Kanga, Roo, Tigger, Owl and Rabbit, in addition to Piglet, but Piglet seems to be the one that Winnie-the-Pooh can count on in a pinch, and doesn’t appear to suffer from “Donkey Syndrome,” in which the sidekick in question simply won’t shut the hell up.

• Bullwinkle J. Moose - The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show featured Rocky the Flying Squirrel in the title role, with the simple-minded yet kind-hearted moose in the supporting role. There’s a fine line between portraying an alpha-character/sidekick (a/k/a “2nd banana”) relationship and one that is more of a partnership - Rocky and Bullwinkle come close to that line, but I believe Rocky is clearly the star in this scenario. On the other hand, Simon & Garfunkel, Procter & Gamble and Ben & Jerry’s decidedly represent true partnerships; perhaps the true mark of a partnership is use of an ampersand. Also, does anyone know what Bullwinkle’s middle initial, “J,” stood for?

Rule of Three is proud to be in a position to provide you with this critical knowledge of “2nd bananas.” Whether you are actively seeking a sidekick, or aim to establish yourself in a position as a sidekick, we support you fully, and hope that the information provided in today’s column will help you in your quest.

As for us, we look to onboard a sidekick who arrives with all the best qualities reflected in the sidekicks discussed above - a sort of “Robin/Costanza/Mertz/Norton/Rubble/Tonto/Donkey/Wilson/Piglet/Bullwinkle” everyman character, who we can count on for support; we know he’s out there somewhere.

If you fancy yourself a solid "2nd banana" choice, or if you are in search of a "2nd banana" yourself, or if you simply like bananas - just type your email address and click the button below - it's free, man!