We’ve all seen Advent calendars - they’re a whimsical method of providing even more chocolate to American youngsters than they already consume. Theoretically, one flap on an Advent calendar is lifted each day, beginning on December 1st, and concluding on Christmas Eve, the 24th, and, housed behind that flap is something for the “flap lifter” to enjoy. According to christianity.com, that something could include: a picture of a portion of the nativity story, or toys and gifts, or chocolate.
A couple of observations: First, christianity.com goes to great pains to capitalize the word, “Advent” throughout their website, which is why I’ve adopted that practice in this piece, although I freely admit that I did not consult the AP Stylebook to verify whether that is appropriate or not, but, here’s my real question: Why did they capitulate on their website address, and not capitalize the word, “Christianity?” Is it simply a concession to the mores established by the World Wide Web Consortium (W3C), which apparently polices website addresses, as well as other Web-related (yes, I capitalized the word, “Web” because I am referring to a specific web in this instance - and, no, I’m not sure if I would capitalize the word “Web” if I were to refer to Charlotte’s Web in a future column - we may never know the answer to that burning question, because frankly, Charlotte’s Web is a delightful read, and I don’t immediately see anything at which to poke fun, although, as I consider it more closely, “Some Pig” might bear fruit for me at some point in the future), issues.
Secondly, “a picture of a portion of the nativity story?” Really, christianity.com, are you kidding me? What kind of cruel joke is that to play on a child?
And, finally, on the no-doubt wildly-popular chocolate Advent calendar option: A show of hands, how many of you (or your children) are adhering to the strict rule of lifting one flap per day, during the month of December, and consuming but one piece of chocolate housed behind that flap? Empirical research conducted by the Rule of Three research team indicates that, on average, by this date on the calendar, December 17th, 87.2% of Advent calendar “flap lifters” have already lifted flaps up to and including December 22nd, and have consumed the chocolate contained within. If your Advent calendar perfectly aligns with the Gregorian calendar in use (you know, the one without the chocolates), congratulations! That makes you an outlier.
Christianity.com (yes, I know I capitalized “Christianity,” but only because it is the first word in the sentence, and I religiously adhere to the rules of grammar) goes on to indicate that there is not just one Advent (the day that the birth of Christ is commemorated, December 25th), but a second one, which is deemed, appropriately enough, the “second coming of Christ.” They do admit that the date of that second Advent is, as yet, undetermined.
I sense a significant loophole here, and a tremendous marketing opportunity for Advent calendar purveyors, and, coincidentally, a boon for chocolate-craving youngsters everywhere. Why not create an Advent calendar, beginning with today’s date, complete with flaps, behind which lurk chocolate treats, and which extends indefinitely into the future? If, at some point the “second coming” occurs, then the gravy-train of second Advent calendar chocolate treats would cease, but I bet there are plenty of chocolatiers who would be willing to make that bet, and let it ride for as long as that casino remains open.
Now, I believe that “a picture of a portion of the nativity story, or toys and gifts, or chocolate” are not the only options which could be available to Advent calendar “flap lifters” - imbued with a modest imagination, we can envision many interesting alternatives from which to choose:
Bunnies - imagine the delight which a child would express, if he were to lift a flap on an Advent calendar, and encounter a snuggly, little bunny each day. Of course, housing live animals inside compartments contained within an Advent calendar presents logistical considerations, including keeping the bunnies fed and watered until their particular flap is lifted, and accounting for the subsequent “rabbit pellets” produced, not to mention flags raised, and hurdles imposed by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (“ASPCA”).
Complete meal - think Horn & Hardart Automats, which were quite common in New York City for much of the 20th century. My first visit to New York City was in the mid-1970’s, and Automats were pretty much a thing of the past at that point. So, my nostalgic recollections of this piece of Americana are drawn entirely from descriptions and accounts which I have read about them. But, that exhaustive research seems to suggest that Advent calendars closely resemble these relics. The same could also be said about Carvana’s automobile vending machines, but, I think you can appreciate the obvious challenges to attempting to equip a typical American household with a Carvana-sized Advent calendar - setting aside the requirement that the twenty-four compartments be stocked with automobiles.
Chuck Taylor Converse All-Star Classic High-Top Sneakers - what youngster wouldn’t love to secure a pair of these iconic sneakers each day during the Advent season? The question on my mind was whether or not twenty-four unique editions of this classic shoe exists. According to the converse.com site, a consumer is able to purchase men’s high-tops in only eleven different colors, but, there is also a button, labeled, “Make Your Own,” in which you are able to customize your own shoe, by selecting your own colors and designs for thirteen different elements of your shoe (who knew that one shoe contained 13 different elements?), including: Outside Body, Inside Body, Tongue, Heel Stripe, Binding, Stitch, Lining, Lace, Eyelets, Medial Patch Logo, Rubber, Racing Stripe, and Embroidery Text), so. . .problem solved. Here is a screenshot of the shoe I designed myself - it just might be the ugliest shoe ever designed - note the (truncated) Rule of Three tag on the back of the shoe - I haven’t yet executed the purchase, but, I’m thinking about it. .
I’m delighted that Rule of Three has been able to educate you on the “ins and outs” of practicing safe Advent calendar usage. Feel free to turn your attention back to the remaining eight days of “flap lifting” ahead of you (assuming, that is, that you haven’t lifted all the flaps already, and scarfed-down the rest of the chocolate.
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