Are You Feeling Left Out?

Rule of Three provides relief for lefthanded kids, just as Adam Sandler did for Jewish kids.

Adam Sandler first performed his “The Chanukah Song” on Saturday Night Live in 1994. The song, which name-dropped many Jewish celebrities, was an attempt to empathize with the alienation experienced by Jewish children at Christmastime - enjoy. . .

In that spirit, Rule of Three sets out, in this column, to assuage the disconnected feelings of left-handed children, who likely comprise only 10.6% of the total population of children, according to a recent University of St. Andrews study.

The Left-handers’ Song

(Sung to the tune of “The Chanukah Song”)

Grasp your pencil in your left hand,

Grip it as tightly as you can stand.

Write the letters bold and grand,

Make them extend and expand.

Do you feel like you’re the only one

who uses your left hand, not your right?

And you feel like using that hand to fight?

Tuck it away and see the light. . .

. . .by learning about others who share your plight.

You know whose left hand floats free?

That’s right: Oprah Winfrey.

And, don’t you frown,

‘cause the heir to the British Crown,

Prince William, writes his letters from the left (as does his daddy, the current King).

Being left handed was a boon

to the first man on the moon.

That’s right, Neil Armstrong was a lefty,

as was another whose career was hefty:

Barack Obama, U.S. President No. 44.

Speaking of U.S. presidents, a freakish number of recent vintage

were members of the left handers club: Reagan, Ford, Bush (the elder) and Clinton-age.

And two musicians who know the score:

Jimi Hendrix and Paul McCartney (and, Ringo Starr too, pushing the left-handed Beatles percentage to 50%).

Mozart another lefty genius in music,

and Albert Einstein, a genius pick (although this fact is in dispute - not the genius part - the left-handed part).

Leonardo da Vinci painted with his left hand,

as did another famous painter in the land, Michelangelo.

Charlie Chaplin entered stage left (shhh, don’t tell anybody, not even Helen Keller, another left-hander),

and Microsoft founder Bill Gates coded with his left hand, which likely made it grander.

Many lefties have a face only a mother could love,

such as Mother Teresa, who looks down from above.

One of those faces belonged to Babe Ruth, who swatted home runs from the left side of the plate;

Sandy Koufax came on the scene too late

to pitch to the Babe, but he threw from the left side to his battery-mate.

So you see, left-handers, there’s no shame in what you are,

you can see many successful people from afar.

You can still shoot under par (like Phil Mickelson, another lefty),

and become anything you want. . .even a star!

We here at Rule of Three salute you, left-handers! You occupy a special place in our hearts (my lovely wife, Carrie, is a left-hander). Perhaps you know a few lefties yourself (I’m not talking about Bernie Sanders - I’m speaking in the more literal sense - that regarding which hand they use to sign their name). Perhaps you’re even a left-hander yourself - I hope we’ve shown you that’s okay.

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