Birthday Celebrations Thru the Ages

Actual results may vary.

My family is chock-full of birthdays during February and March, including my youngest granddaughter, Vivian, who just celebrated her first birthday on Valentine’s Day - here is a picture of Vivian, enjoying her birthday cake. . .

Vivian apparently took her cues from her big sister, Nora, shown here on her own first birthday - eating birthday cake is apparently an extremely immersive experience with these two. . .

My third granddaughter, June, also had the good sense to align her birthdate with a holiday: New Years’ Eve. And, one of my grandsons just missed, by one day, claiming another holiday as his own: the 4th of July. All this makes it much easier for a well-meaning, but forgetful grandfather to remember his grandchildren’s birthdays. But, that said, I wouldn’t wish on them the birthday fate of a cousin of mine - Christmas Day - man, he got screwed on birthday presents!

So, it’s clear how one’s first birthday is to be celebrated. How about the next couple of birthdays, say ages two to four?

This next phase of birthdays calls for hosting a small gathering at home, in honor of the youngster - including perhaps grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a few similarly-aged playmates - acquaintances from daycare, or from the neighborhood. Most of the planning regarding these parties involves coordinating nap schedules, including for grandparents.

Birthday parties for children beginning at age five or so, and extending for a few years until the kids grow tired of them, enter the “sweaty, sugar-fueled, manic-energy” segment of birthday celebrations, marked by outings with classmates of the kids to Chuck E. Cheese establishments, or other similar event venues promising “sweaty, sugar-fueled, manic-energy” events. Note: I cannot stress enough the importance of hosting these events offsite - under no circumstances should you attempt to conduct these parties in your home - you’ll regret it.

One of my favorite birthday party pictures from this era is one of my middle son, Patrick, covering his ears with both hands, as partygoers sang “Happy Birthday” to him (perhaps his musical sensibilities were offended by our slightly off-key performance) - it’s an adorable picture, but you’ll just have to trust me on that, as I couldn’t put my hands on a copy of it, and, let’s face it, I’ve overshared already, and, if you had to endure one more saccharine-infused picture of a member of the Southern family (technically, the Drees family), you’d run screaming.

My own recollection of birthday parties during this time frame, when I was that age, was my mother’s insistence on wrapping birthday gifts in the Sunday comics. I think maybe her mother deployed that strategy when my mother was a little girl, but, she grew up during the depression years, when that bit of recycling qualified as fiscal responsibility; in my birthday party-going years, it had become merely embarrassing for me - you know, I was that kid (the only kid, by the way) who brought a present wrapped in the Sunday comics.

Moving along the age spectrum, the next birthdays of note include: sixteen; eighteen; and twenty-one.

The sixteenth birthday is notable primarily for achieving the age of consent (from the state, not from the parents) regarding driving a motor vehicle. This birthday celebration is best characterized by, “So, can I borrow the car?”

There is a long list of things of which you become legally able, upon turning eighteen, according to grownandflown.com. Some of the more recognizable things include: vote; enlist in the Military; become eligible for Jury Duty; get a Costco membership card; file for bankruptcy (perhaps necessary because you’ve overextended yourself at Costco); use a meat slicer in the deli at the grocery store (man, that’s a really specific task); purchase cough suppressants (what, you don’t get coughs before the age of eighteen?); purchase a lottery ticket; buy a pet; skydive; buy fireworks and buy spray paint (prior to eighteen, you’re restricted to painting by paintbrush only, apparently). To me, you link all those activities together, and perform them on your eighteenth birthday, there is no party necessary - that is the party!

And, what is there to say about the twenty-first birthday? Alcohol. That’s the brand identity that the twenty-first birthday has developed. So, good luck finding another avenue for celebration on your twenty-first birthday - it’s inescapable.

I experienced the elusive “surprise” birthday celebration, on my thirtieth birthday. And, I do appreciate the planning and effort that my wife, Carrie, invested in the event, including directing RSVP phone calls to my parents’ home telephone number (this was 1990, for Chrissake - a very different technological time than today). An unforeseen wrinkle was that my parents had enlisted me to house-sit their house, while they were traveling, a few weeks ahead of the surprise party. My responsibility, as I recall, was to retrieve the mail from their mailbox, and bring it inside, water a few plants, and (brace yourself) transcribe telephone messages from their telephone answering machine, including an RSVP message from a fraternity brother of mine to a surprise thirtieth birthday party in my honor - oops!

Other milestone birthdays are generally observed, as you might expect, on the 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th and 90th birthdays. Shall I go on? I’ve never been to a 100th birthday party, but I hope to enjoy one of my own in a scant thirty-six years.

I have attended a 60th birthday party: that provided in honor of my brother, Dave - a gathering at which he and his R&B band performed. And, I enjoyed one of my own a few years later (sans R&B band).

There’s no right or wrong way to mark and celebrate birthdays - everybody does it in their own way - some with hoopla; others, quietly, at home, with a dinner of meatloaf and mashed potatoes and peas. George Bush the elder (you know, the one with way too many middle initials) celebrated milestone birthdays (75th, 80th, 85th and 90th) by skydiving - perhaps George hadn’t seen the grownandflown.com article, which clearly indicated that one could skydive legally upon achieving the age of eighteen. Jack Kennedy famously enjoyed Marilyn Monroe’s own unique rendition of “Happy Birthday” on the occasion of his birthday (no, I’m talking about her singing - that’s it - nothing more - we’ve all seen the video - the other videos don’t exist). And, Rupert Murdoch apparently marks birthdays by getting married; Rupert recently announced his fifth engagement, at the age of ninety-two. Murdoch said that both he, and his 66-year-old fiancee are “. . .both looking forward to spending the second half of our lives together.” Umm, Rupert, I was never good with math, but. . .

A well-respected daily newspaper, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (in full disclosure, also my employer), publishes daily, as do other newspapers, I’m sure, a list of celebrities and other well-known figures who were born that day. From this publishing practice, I learned that I share a birthday with such luminaries as: Thomas Edison, Jennifer Aniston and Burt Reynolds - brains, beauty and charm. With whom do you share a birthday? And, do those notables with whom you share a birthday reflect so absolutely the qualities that you exude, as is the case with my “birthday buddies?”

Finally, I had the pleasure of joining extended family last summer, at a 90th birthday celebration for my father-in-law, Kurt. Yes, there was cake, but Kurt didn’t engage in the hands-on experience exhibited by his great-granddaughters. Kurt, you have a thing or two to learn from those two - we’ll bake a cake for your 91st birthday party, and you can get in the swing of things.

Why not treat yourself to an early birthday present?  Subscribe now to Rule of Three, by clicking the button below, and enjoy the gift of Rule of Three in your inbox each and every week - it's free, man!