Collectibles

Prized possessions. . .or, just junk?

Many of us are collectors. That is, collectors of all sorts of things: stamps, coins, baseball cards, vinyl records, comic books, dolls, toys, action figures, automobiles, miniature automobile, refrigerator magnets, autographs, rare books, wine, vintage postcards, magazines and snow globes. (Ed. note: This list is not intended to be a comprehensive summary of all potential collectibles; we attempted to steer clear of such oddball items as: airline vomit bags, fossilized feces and toenail clippings, because, you know, that’s just gross).

Motivations for collecting vary. Some pursue collections with the goal of reaping financial rewards. Those people might purchase rare bottles of wine, or vintage automobiles, or, ask their mothers not to throw out their baseball cards, with the expectation that the value of those items might increase over time. Now, I’m not saying that the baseball cards I owned, and which my mother discarded many years ago, were worth a significant amount of money (those cards dated to 1968-1973, or so), but, a 1952 Mickey Mantle rookie card sold in 2022 for $12.6 million - I’m just sayin’, Mom . .

Others collect for sentimental or nostalgic reasons; discovering at a yard sale that old “Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot” toy, which you played with as a youth, it might be added to your vintage toy collection; or, surfacing an old 45 rpm vinyl record of “Susan,” by The Buckinghams (the “B” side contained “Foreign Policy”) at one of those old-time record stores which are making a resurgence these days, could add to your vintage vinyl record collection; or, meeting that special somebody on “Vintage eHarmony.com” could result in that love connection that you’ve been seeking (fingers crossed - sixth time is the charm!).

Another motivation for collecting could be a passion for the subject matter. It’s possible that someone out there is a big fan of The Three Stooges, and wishes to collect as many action figures of Larry, Moe and Curly as possible. Or, a Three’s Company aficionado might seek various types of Chrissy, Janet and Jack Christmas ornaments for their collection. And, although I doubt it, there could be a market for Adam Sandler movie DVD’s.

A final type of collector might be more accurately called a “hoarder.” These are collectors who don’t know when to stop. Oh, they may start innocently enough, purchasing commemorative spoons as they travel. But, pretty soon they’ve worked their way up the chain, moving into Pez dispensers, garden gnomes and cookie jars, and, before you know it, they’ve moved on to the hard stuff: bowling balls, traffic cones and washing machines.

We here at Rule of Three endorse the strategy of “Collectibles with Utility,” in which the item being collected serves another purpose, in addition to being collected, viewed and admired. We spoke about an example of this strategy at work in a column first published a couple of years ago: baseball caps, which are fun to collect and display, but can also be worn - never mind that mine are never worn - the fact is that they could be worn, if I so chose - what I do with my own head, on my own time, is really none of your business. . .

Another currently active collection under our purview is single malt Scotch. Yes, it’s fun to chase down brands not yet enjoyed, and place them on the bar cart and read about them in Michael Jackson’s Complete Guide to Single Malt Scotch (no, not that Michael Jackson - the other one), but, and I cannot stress this point enough, you can drink them too.

A third set of collectible items upon which I have not yet pulled the trigger is mortar and pestle sets. The quandary I face on that front is that I wouldn’t know how to properly characterize my collection: Is it “mortar and pestles,” or, is it “mortars and pestles” or, is it “mortars and pestle” (as with “attorneys general”)? Once I solve that linguistic challenge, I plan to dive headfirst into acquiring them. And, believe you me, once I begin acquiring this diverse set of implements, I plan to use them constantly: they can be quite useful in concocting a variety of dishes in the kitchen, such as: guacamole, mojitos and pesto (and perhaps, some non-green items as well).

Now, we all know that a collector of stamps is called a “philatelist,” and one who is a coin collector is known as a “numismatist;” I refuse to venture a guess as to what to call someone who collects fossilized feces, but, it begs the question: What do you call a serious collector of single malt Scotch? Forbes refers to them as “scotch stockpilers,” in a column published a few years ago - I gotta’ be honest with you - I’m not crazy about that title.

And, if my mother were still around, I would kindly ask her not to throw out my collection of single malt Scotches. After all, a bottle of Macallan Adami 1926 was sold recently at a Sotheby’s auction for $2.7 million - admittedly, a whole lot less than a 1952 Mickey Mantle rookie card, but still. . .

If you aspire to become a serious collector of weekly Rule of Three columns, there's an easy way to do that - simply subscribe now - also, it's free, man!