For those of you who thought this column would offer tribute to Chicago, a brass-infused rock band for many years now, and to one of its enduring hits, Colour My World, you’re right.
And for those of you who thought this column would provide a primer on the color separation process utilized in publishing, you’re also right.
And, further, for those of you who thought this column would acknowledge the acronym, “Roy G. Biv,” intended to represent the colors of the rainbow, you’re right as well.
Finally, for those of you (baby-boomers, likely) who thought this column would provide you with a nostalgic peek back in time to the box of Crayola crayons you had when you were a child, you’re right too.
Here is a transcript of a conversation which may, or may not have occurred between me and my Rule of Three editor:
Rule of Three editor: “You know, site traffic could be better.”
Award-winning Rule of Three columnist: “I don’t care about site traffic, man - perhaps you need to revisit Rule No. 3 to remind yourself of why we’re doing this.”
Rule of Three editor: “Well, I’m just saying, you could be a bit more focused on increasing readership.”
Award-winning Rule of Three columnist: “In order to increase the revenue-stream? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but access to the award-winning weekly column is free.”
Rule of Three editor: “Don’t remind me - as you recall, that wasn’t my vision. And, merchandise sales haven’t exactly filled that breach.”
Award-winning Rule of Three columnist: “Well, we could consider other business segments - I hear that cannabis dispensaries can be quite lucrative.”
Rule of Three editor: “You want to sell weed? C’mon, man, that ship has sailed.”
Award-winning Rule of Three columnist: “I suppose I could try to broaden the content appeal, when crafting these things. You know, instead of targeting a particular type of reader, I could target two or three different types of readers, all within the same column. Let’s say, for example, that I chose to examine the issue of color. . .”
Rule of Three editor: “Whoa! no sir, you are not doing that.”
Award-winning Rule of Three columnist: “No, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about colors - you know, like blue, green, and red.”
Rule of Three editor: “Ah, okay, I see - that’s fine.”
Award-winning Rule of Three columnist: “Right. And, there are different angles regarding color: the colors of the rainbow, color separations in publishing, Crayola crayons, all sorts of things. So, we loop-in the rainbow crowd, and the publishing industry wonks, and the baby-boomers nostalgic for their childhood crayons - three for the price of one. The audience is guaranteed to grow exponentially.”
Rule of Three editor: “Brilliant! Get on it.”
Award-winning Rule of Three columnist: “Umm, I’ve got things I gotta’ do; I’ll get on it later.”
I think the first thing we need to unpack upon beginning our deep dive into the world of color is why James Pankow, Chicago’s trombonist, who wrote the song, Colour My World, deployed the U.K version of the word color, rather than the accepted American version, because, you know, Pankow, like virtually all of the other original members of the band, grew up in Chicago. Having spent 36-1/2 of my formative years in Chicago, I can honestly say that I never once encountered the word color being spelled, “colour” (other than Chicago’s iconic song) - I’m pretty sure that anyone attempting to perform that feat would have been pummeled, and with very good reason.
Now, Pankow has related that he wrote the song in a hotel room, and woke up Walter Parazaider, his woodwind-playing bandmate in the middle of the night, because he wanted him to play the flute solo, so he could hear it right then, but he has never indicated why “colour” - I suspect it had something to do with a woman - it usually does. The other bit of trivia regarding Colour My World, which I had never heard before, was that Frank Sinatra wanted to record the song, but only if Pankow wrote a second verse - Pankow refused. Bold stroke, saying no to the Chairman of the Board, because, it was always believed that Frank knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew another guy, who could get you “whacked.” But, Pankow is still performing with Chicago, in a role as what might be politely referred to as an elder statesman (that means he’s old, man!), so no harm done.
Colour My World has been played at countless weddings and and high school proms, beginning in the 1970’s (I don’t know if it’s still in that rotation, because I am rarely invited to weddings, and am almost never invited to high school proms anymore). The song remains one of my favorite Chicago songs, and I have always been a big fan of the band, due in part to my brother’s band in high school: Dobbroe (sorry if I misspelled it, Dave - by the way, that was a great name for a band), which featured a heavy dose of Chicago in its repertoire, and was a very solid local band in their own right. In case you were wondering, I have never performed Karaoke, and likely never will, but, if I did, I think Colour My World would be my go-to option. Enjoy Colour My World here (this one is Chicago’s version, not Dobbroe’s):
Now it’s time to engage those of you who came here for the primer on the color separation process utilized in publishing. As depicted in the graphic atop this column, the four distinct colors utilized in printing full-color pictures are: Cyan (“C’), Magenta (“M”), Yellow (“Y”), and Black (“K”), yielding the acronym, “CMYK” (and, no, I have no idea why blue is labeled, “Cyan” - I get the Magenta thing, because it’s not really red, and why is Black represented with a “K” instead of a “B”? I have no idea). Inks of these four colors are attached to a printing press, and as the roll of paper is threaded through the rollers of the press, printing plates affixed to the press apply the statistically appropriate amount of each of the four colors to the paper, producing the brilliant, sharp color pictures you see in the pages of newspapers. Questions? Keep them to yourself, because this very brief paragraph has exhausted the sum total of my knowledge on the subject.
The world of color apparently loves acronyms: Roy G. Biv is a name with which I was unfamiliar as a child in school, but I recall my kids learning about it during their school days. If you were able to deconstruct a rainbow, you would discover: Red (“R”), Orange (“O”), Yellow (“Y”), Green (“G”), Blue (“B”), Indigo (“I”), and Violet (“V”) - Roy G. Biv, right? Technically, Roy G. Biv is a mnemonic device, provided as an aid to remember the colors of the rainbow, rather than an acronym, but who are we to quibble?
Now for the heartwarming trip down memory lane for you baby-boomers, for whom, like me, a box of Crayola crayons was an essential element of the back-to-school shopping list each August. I remember being set up with a box of eight or twelve crayons, and I was envious of the kids who wielded their 64-count, or (gasp!) 128-count box of crayons, complete with a built-in sharpener as part of the box. There was no way you could craft an acronym (or, is it a mnemonic device?) to prompt your memory of 128 crayons, and rattle them off, when queried.
When first developed in 1903, eight easily-recognizable colors were included in the box of crayons: red, yellow, blue, green, orange, brown, violet (purple), and black. This lineup mimics “Roy G. Biv,” with the exception of replacing indigo with black and brown - perhaps to more easily draw pictures of businessmen in suits. Since that time, Crayola has fielded a number of more-specialized collections, including: fluorescent crayons (from the 1970’s, naturally); fabric crayons; metallic crayons; “silver swirls”; politically-correct, multicultural crayons, magic scent crayons (what could go wrong with that?); gem tones; glow-in-the dark crayons; color-changer crayons; color ‘n smell crayons (my favorite from this set of sixteen crayons is “Baseball Mitt” (Burnt Sienna)); neon crayons; several including multiple colors mixed in the same crayon; and many others - call if the “niche-ification” of product marketing.
The list of “standard colors” reflected on a Wikipedia page devoted to Crayola colors includes 184 options, some of which have been retired since 1910. This list includes a remarkably large number of food-related names, including: chestnut, vivid tangerine, macaroni and cheese, mango tango (the “tango” seems gratuitous, but perhaps foreshadows what Crayola eventually does to “banana”), orange (some might argue that orange is a color, but I choose to interpret it as a food item, because I’m looking to pad my numbers here), banana mania (really, is the “mania” necessary?), maize, lemon yellow (I think I have a loophole here, in that the addition of “lemon” as a modifier qualifies this one as a food item), inchworm (just kidding! although, I think one of my buddies in third grade ate an inchworm once on a dare - I’m pretty sure that same buddy fried inchworms in the cigarette lighter from his mom’s car - perhaps that made the inchworm more palatable to eat), asparagus, granny smith apple (who was this Granny Smith, anyway? And, why did I choose not to capitalize her name here?), manatee (according to whoatwherewhy.com (and, yes, I recognize that there is a missing “W” and an “H” in that web address - perhaps they couldn’t afford to pay the “website squatter” to secure the properly-spelled site), “Manatee meat has a mild taste and readily adapts to recipes for beef. Choice cuts of meat, primarily the tail and peduncle, can be used in any recipe. The body and flipper meat, with just a little extra preparation and special recipes, can be just as tasty.” Alright, what the hell is a peduncle? I agree, it’s a pretty unfortunate name - it sounds like an uncle who has engaged in illegal activity with underage children), plum, mulberry, jazzberry jam (it’s not entirely clear whether this is a preserve, which could be considered a food item, or, a jam session, including a number of musicians - as with some of my other questionable choices, I choose the former), eggplant, wild strawberry, cotton candy, salmon, melon, pink sherbert (if it’s the ice cream Crayola envisions here, I think it’s spelled, “sherbet,” but, hey, maybe this is the one thing Wikipedia got wrong), peach, apricot, almond, cool mint, oatmeal, crust toast (man, that’s really specific!), chocolate, maple syrup (a nod to my Vermont friends), pepaya party (again, I’m not sure whose spelling error this might be), anchovies, caramel, buttermilk, marshmallow pink (aren’t marshmallows typically white?), bubblegum, fruit punch, and fresh celery (sorry - ensuring that celery is fresh doesn’t make it any more appetizing). Whew, are you as hungry as I am? Let’s fire-up a well-rounded meal of Crayola crayons.
Aside from the smorgasbord of colors highlighted above, I located several other favorites. These include: outer space (this one appears to be black, but outer space is much more descriptive - I can only hope that it’s represented by an “E” in the color-wheel, as black was assigned a “K”); bluetiful ( a fairly recent addition, added in 2017); purple heart (for the veterans); purple mountains’ majesty (another nod in a patriotic direction); mauvelous (that’s a bit too cute for words); fuzzy wuzzy (in the brown family); shiny penny (this one is a pretty bright yellow - I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a penny that color); and sanguine (I’m not convinced that the color matches the word - it’s kind of a rust color - but, I do admire Crayola’s thinking outside the box here - pun, unfortunately, intended).
Where would we be without color? In black-and-white, I suppose, much like those classic movies from the 1940’s, such as Casablanca, Arsenic and Old Lace, and It’s a Wonderful Life. I think that would have made for a pretty underwhelming rainbow.
Roy G. Biv sends his regards. . .
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Kudos to the ROT Editorial Board for using the British - Colour and having it as the centre of this week's column. Some may not recognize the extra labour this took but it does add flavour and humour. I enjoyed the dialogue between editor and columnist too.
BTW, It’s a Wonderful Life is now available in colour, it is a stark difference but is likely not available in theatres.