Columnists Often Recycle Their Columns

For noble reasons. . .probably.

In response to my query to an AI engine, I learned that “Columnists often recycle their columns, especially if they are on staff.” AI went on to say, “This practice can involve reprinting previously published pieces in different formats, such as books or online platforms. However, permission from the publication may be required for reprints, particularly for staff writers. Additionally, some columnists may adapt older columns to fit current events or trends, providing fresh perspectives while utilizing existing content.”

While that information is certainly helpful, I’m not convinced that it adequately covers all potential column recycling actions. What if, hypothetically, an (potentially) award-winning columnist were pressed for time to produce his (potentially) award-winning weekly column in a given week, due perhaps to personal travel plans? Wouldn’t he also be well within his rights to publish a previously published column, without receiving any negative backlash from his readers, editors and Internet trolls (actually, Internet trolls are probably going to continue to spew their vile, venomous vitriol (note the use of the rare ‘triple-V’ modifier here) regardless of what content is featured).

In that spirit, below is a column previously published by Rule of Three in April, 2022. The travel theme of the column is appropriate because, you know. . .

See America First

Things to know as you prepare to travel across America.

Bill Southern

Apr 02, 2022

As the weather begins to warm, the thoughts of many Americans turn once again to travel. And, what better travel experience is there than to visit one or more of our fifty states (plus the District of Columbia)? By the way, the recommended daily allowance of U.S. states to visit in a given summer, as developed by the travel coordination team here at Rule of Three, is. . .wait for it. . .you guessed it, three!

So, as a public service, we resolve to provide you with the necessary tools to mount a successful trip this summer to three delightful destinations. Since this is America, you have a choice, and needn’t feel limited to our three favorite states - we are sharing details on many of these options, and suggest that you choose those which most closely align with your desires.

We believe that the best way to learn about the mores of a state is to visit a random website, such as statesymbolsusa.org, and review its particulars. This particular random website contains forty-three distinct categories, ranging from “Amphibians” to “Vessels/Aircraft.” Admittedly, “We’re covering the universe from A to V/A” doesn’t roll off the tongue as slickly as “. . .from A to Z,” but, “you’ve got to play the hand you’re dealt,” or, “dance with the girl you brung,” or “wear the underwear that your grandmother gave to you as a gift last Christmas,” just to offer up a few hackneyed, old phrases relating to deploying the tools at hand - come to think of it, “deploying the tools at hand” might have been a better option than your grandmother’s underwear gift - I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson from this exercise.

In any event, since “Amphibians” was the first one on the list, the Rule of Three research team perused the details contained in this category, and discovered that only twenty-four states bothered with naming an official state amphibian, and most of them were some type of salamander or frog (I lump the lone “toad” representative into the frog category). The outlier here is New Hampshire’s “Red-spotted Newt,” which, even though the amphibian pictured here looks just like one of the eleven salamanders in the lineup, you’ve got to give them credit for originality. Perhaps a “newt” would have been a more logical choice for, say, Massachusetts - you know, given the Salem witch trials, the “eye of newt?”

In jumping to the last category listed, “Vessels/Aircraft,” (Do you flip to the last page of the book, upon just beginning to read it? I don’t, but I know some people who do - I think that tends to spoil the storytelling experience, but who am I to judge?) the twenty-three entries include pretty much what you might expect: sailing ships and aircraft. But, one that stood out for me was New Mexico’s representative, the hot air balloon; I’ve never been up in one of these, but it sounds like a cool thing to try. You’ll note that I didn’t tap the “lowest common denominator” joke afforded to me here, by suggesting that the District of Columbia would be a more logical home for the hot air balloon (you know, hot air?) - even I must step back and admire my restraint.

Upon examining a popular category, “Birds,” I reviewed the lineup of the sixty-three birds listed (Whoa! Wait a minute - sixty-three? It’s been a long time since third grade, when I think I learned the fifty states (plus D.C.), but I can’t recall the United States adding states since then - what did I miss? As it turns out, several states took the opportunity to name a bird, plus a turkey - I suppose, with an asterisk, because, as we learned from an iconic episode of the TV show WKRP in Cincinnati, which originally aired in 1978, turkeys cannot fly - clip attached below - I hope Roger Maris is cool with sharing the asterisk with turkeys), and, if you wanted to hazard a guess as to what your state’s bird was, a high-percentage guess would be the Cardinal, as six states claim it as their state bird. Although, ironically, Missouri, which is the home of the St. Louis Cardinals, didn’t opt for the cardinal, instead tapping the Eastern Bluebird, and the Bobwhite Quail - huh?

WKRP in Cincinnati Turkeys

In the “Dance/Music” category, fully twenty-four states reflect the square dance as their state’s representative (of fifty-eight entries) - Kentucky and Texas each stuffed the ballot-box with five and four entries, respectively, and several other states included multiple representatives. Thank God Kentucky and North Carolina helped to balance the ticket with clogging. Not a single governor has asked me, but if asked, I might suggest to them that this category is one which might benefit from a bit of a refresh, perhaps updating choices at least from the 18th or 19th century into at least the 20th century (“Say, honey, what do you say we step out for an evening of square dancing, or clogging?”).

I think one of the more instructive categories reviewed was “Sports.” Given the popularity of sports nationwide, you would think that this category might attract more entrants than the twenty-two represented, including multiple entries from Texas, who couldn’t decide between “Rodeo” and “Texas Round-Up 10K,” and Maryland, who, I’m sure, in a heated debate, couldn’t choose between “Lacrosse,” and “Jousting,” and “Walking” - that’s right, “Walking.” Alaska went with “Dog Mushing” (OK), and Colorado chose “Pack Burro Racing” (I’m sure that ESPN has covered the “Pack Burro Racing Championships” every year). Massachusetts landed on a mainstream sport, basketball, which makes sense, because Springfield, MA is actually the home of the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. Oregon, meanwhile featured the much-more specific “Portland Trailblazers of 1990-1991,” which, if we’re honest, isn’t so much a sport, as a sports team - perhaps that state’s department of state symbols didn’t really understand the application guidelines. The final two nominees in my “Curious Sports Category Representatives” list are: “Fordsville Tug of War Championship” (Kentucky), and “Governor Aiken Bucktail Streamer” (Vermont) - hint: it’s a fly-fishing fly.

But, perhaps the penultimate harbinger of what to expect when visiting a particular state is the “State Nickname,” which ostensibly reflects a state’s attempt at branding itself, intended to foster state pride in its residents, and to attract visitors to spend their hard-earned money there. Many of these nicknames are familiar to us: “The Sunshine State” (Florida); “The Sunflower State” (Kansas); and “The Bluegrass State” (Kentucky). But, some others didn’t immediately resonate with me - perhaps you are more well-traveled than me. Here are some of the more obscure ones I encountered:

• “The Yellowhammer State” - apparently, this is a type of bird, although Alabama, which claims this nickname, didn’t think enough of this bird to name it their state bird - no, they went with the Northern Flicker (and, the ubiquitous Asterisked Turkey) instead.

• “The Natural State” - it isn’t readily apparent if Arkansas is attempting to brand itself as a clothing-optional sanctuary, or if they instead intend to maintain their territory unsullied by such encumbrances as buildings, and running water, and people.

• “The Pelican State” - Louisiana was at least consistent by including the pelican (and, thankfully, no Asterisked Turkey) in its bird category. Come to think of it, I should have recognized this one by associating it with an early John Grisham book, The Pelican Brief.

• “The Old Line State” - I came up empty on this one, but perhaps I should been more attentive to the findings in other categories, because this one belongs to Maryland - you know, the state which considers walking to be a hugely-popular spectator sport. My question is, “Where is the new line?”

• “The Treasure State” - Montana, right? Perhaps there is untold treasure housed in Montana, but who would know? California offered-up its treasure back in the 1850’s, which is why it can’t claim this title - there’s no treasure left.

• “The Garden State” - alright, I knew that this nickname belonged to New Jersey, but, c’mon, have you ever been to Trenton, or Newark, or Camden? If Rule of Three had not been declared a “snark-free zone,” boy, I would have a field day here.

• “The Peace Garden State” - here’s proof that you can learn something by Googling - I literally had no idea that there is an international peace garden which straddles the border of North Dakota and the Canadian province of Manitoba.

• “The Beehive State” - Utah’s state insect is the Honeybee, and I blame myself for not appropriately covering that category above - I suppose this column will have to be the first in a three-part series, in order that we can exhaustively cover this important travel-related topic (emphasis on “exhaustively” - of that I can promise you).

• “The Equality State” - quick, what do you think of when you consider the battle for the rights of women, specifically the right to vote? Wyoming, right? Wait, what? That’s right, Wyoming was the first state to grant women the right to vote, back in 1869. Never mind that the impetus was to amass a large-enough population in order to qualify for statehood - I’m pretty sure that the next step would have been to grant bison the right to vote.

Well, we here at Rule of Three are proud to be able to play a role, however small, in charting your summer 2022 travel plans. Please check back with us for important insect update information.

Attached here is a link to the original column, in the event you would like to view it in its natural habitat. . .

Thanks for understanding our commitment to recycling. We’ll be back (probably) next week with our usual (potentially) award-winning original content.

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