D.I.Y. or D.N.Y.?

"Do it yourself" or "Do nothing yourself"?

There is an existential battle raging right now, with respect to consumer behavior. On the one side there are the “Do-it-yourself” (“D.I.Y.”) enthusiasts, who believe that no task is too daunting to take on yourself. And, predictably, the other side firmly believes that most things are better left to the professionals - let’s call this team the “Do-nothing-yourself” (“D.N.Y”) gang.

D.I.Y.’s are not necessarily a homogenous lot - their actions can be motivated by perceived cost-savings, or genuine interest in trying something new, or influenced by the sheer volume of youtube.com “how-to” videos available.

As a card-carrying member in good standing with the D.N.Y. group, allow me to suggest to you that me and my colleagues are not necessarily lazy, or unimaginative, or unmotivated. Maybe, and this is purely conjecture on my part, they recognize their own limitations regarding skill-sets, and, in the interest of having a task completed satisfactorily, they willingly pass the baton to a professional, one who has been classically-trained in the procedure to be performed, and in whom proper trust can be placed to effectively complete the transaction.

Interestingly, tasks and activities have traveled back and forth between the two camps. Take the simple of act of having a meal, as an example: back in olden-times (i.e. during the mid-1960’s run of The Andy Griffith Show), families would gather around the dinner table to enjoy a home-cooked meal (oh, sure, Barney would occasionally visit the Bluebird Diner, where he would have lunch, and call his secret paramour, Juanita, from the pay-phone there, but most folks dined at home), and try to discover what their kids had been up to that day.

But, that model has been flipped on its head. Based upon a recent empirical study of consumer dining habits, which included a representative sample of households (the sample size was relatively small, admittedly), fully 98% of meals are outsourced to restaurants, either by dining there, or carrying-out meals, or having them delivered via meal-delivery services such as grubhub or ubereats. Not to mention that those who still make dinner at home no longer visit grocery stores in the traditional sense; home-delivery of grocery orders, and outside pickup of orders placed grew significantly during the pandemic, and have continued in its wake.

Andy Griffith and his fellow Mayberry residents also took the time to cut their own lawns. That model evolved into local youths developing lawn-cutting businesses, which became eclipsed by larger, more sophisticated lawncare operations, which have since been placed beneath lawncare apps, which essentially broker lawn-cutting services to homeowners in the D.N.Y. camp.

An example of an activity which has traveled in the opposite direction is that of pumping gas into your car. Again, to continue to utilize The Andy Griffith Show as an exemplar of pre-disruption times, Mayberry residents would drive to Wally’s Filling Station, and sit patiently in the car, while Gomer, and, later, his cousin Goober, would fill their gas tank. With the exception of New Jersey, which insists that highly-trained service station attendants pump gas (because, apparently, New Jersey residents cannot be trusted to pump gas, without setting themselves, and everything around them, on fire), self-service gas stations have become the norm, resulting in D.N.Y.-ers flying the D.I.Y. flag for this one very specific task. Curiously, another car-related activity, that of changing the car’s oil, has shifted from a once-standard personal chore, to one now largely performed by Jiffy Lube, Pep Boys, Valvoline Oil, and a host of other oil-change businesses (Ed. note: The award-winning columnist has never once personally changed the oil in his car, even when others were doing it themselves. Also, he never learned to drive a standard-transmission vehicle - he’s not really a car guy.)

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Other activities which have, in recent years, shifted to the D.N.Y. side of the ledger, include: transportation (uber), and vacation lodging (airbnb and vrbo). The new Great American Dream is passive income. It’s as if people take a look around, and wonder (aloud): “Hmm, what do I own that I can market to others to use?” I believe this is how the “hitman” industry was created many years ago: “You know, I happen to own a number of semi-automatic weapons - I wonder how I could put them to work for me?”

Amazon has become the oracle of the D.N.Y. community - you discover that you’ve run out of toothpaste, and, the next morning, a box alights on your doorstep containing toothpaste - Amazon is truly an enabler.

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the aisle, youtube.com has spawned many a disastrous D.I.Y. project. I imagine that plumbers, electricians, and home-repair professionals (including representatives from Lowe’s and Home Depot) have banded together, forming a consortium, which has funded the production of millions of “how-to” videos, each featuring a reasonably-likable tradesman with a thick southern accent, describing in great detail how to fix that leaky faucet, or rewire the family room, or fix that faulty refrigerator, all by yourself, leading to the inevitable follow-up call to the plumber, electrician, or home-repair professional, to correct the repair you performed yourself, which only served to worsen the problem. D.I.Y. forever!

As I consider which elements of my own day-to-day existence can be outsourced (not because I’m lazy, or unimaginative, or unmotivated, mind you), there are a number of tasks I examined - I believe that it makes sense to shift responsibility for some of them, but, clearly, not all of them can be easily assigned to a professional to complete. My analysis included:

• Dry cleaning - Have you ever tried to work with starch at home? No thank you. Also, I’m not sure that I have an hour to spare, in order to conduct the all-important “martinizing” function, whatever that is.

• Oral surgery - I haven’t come across any youtube.com “how-to” videos yet detailing how to self-perform such tasks, and that’s probably a good thing - some things should simply be left to the professionals.

• Writing a weekly humor column - Hmm, now this one is an intriguing possibility - as you may know, Rule of Three has in the past extended a kind and generous offer to publish guest columns, guaranteeing the guest columnist access to a vast audience, and international acclaim (and, sadly, no monetary compensation) - that offer stands: simply email your column to: ruleofthreebs@gmail.com, and Rule of Three’s Guest Column Editor will review the piece for appropriateness (i.e. is it snarky enough?), and publish it at our earliest convenience. Selfishly, this step would free-up time for me to conduct the all-important “martinizing” function, so desperately needed in these uncertain times.

A final point for consideration, drawing from the countless hours I have spent watching The Andy Griffith Show reruns - this one a potential time-saver for police stations everywhere: Offer a self-service option for local criminals, who could arrest themselves when necessary, and book themselves into a jail cell, much as Mayberry’s town drunk, Otis Campbell, did. Be sure to visit youtube.com to locate a “how-to” video, in order that you perform the task in accordance with specifications - never mind that you will inevitably screw it up, and will be forced to call-in a professional to correct your errors.

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