Do You Miss July?
A playful headline and eye-catching art are critical to the success of a weekly column.
Congratulations to the entire Rule of Three staff on achieving the third anniversary of the award-winning weekly column! This hard-working crew, whose largely-ceremonial task is to wear matching t-shirts in a group photo, and to pretend to function behind the scenes, has churned-out over 150 columns in the last three years.
Our custom on each of our first two anniversaries, much as workers enjoy a day off on Labor Day, has been to provide you with a previously-published column (a “Best of Rule of Three,” if you will). We continue that tradition here, with the following column, originally published on April 13, 2014, at our previous home: thanksbs.wordpress.com - enjoy the glimpse back in time, and we’ll see you back here next week, with brand-new content (probably). . .
THANKSBS
"Things which amuse me", by Bill Southern
Me and Miss July
April 13, 2014
I’d like to relate a story about my encounter with Miss July, even though it doesn’t reflect well on me. It was early evening of a midsummer day. A local city club, to which I belong, was hosting a cigar sampling event under a tent in its parking lot. There was a registration table set up by the tent. at which attendees were expected to check in, and receive the obligatory “goodie bag”, stuffed with promotional items provided by the event sponsors.
Behind the table were seated an attractive, young, blonde woman in a skimpy black dress, and an older, matronly woman (neither “older” nor “matronly” are particularly flattering terms to describe any woman, but when you sit next to an attractive, young, blonde woman in a skimpy black dress, you have to accept the risks that go along with that; that’s why a proven strategy is to sit next to a relatively plain woman, because you look stunning by comparison; a related strategy in an office environment is to work with intellectually “plain” coworkers, because you will stand out as a smart guy; you’ve got to be careful not to lean too far in that direction, however, and work with morons, because, then, well, you have to work with morons). But, I digress.
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As I was checking in with the two women, I noticed a stack of glossy photos sitting in a pile in front of the young blonde. These photos featured the young blonde. And, I further noted that “Miss July” was printed rather prominently on the photos. Glancing from the young blonde woman down to the stack of photos and back to the woman, I innocently asked, “Oh, ‘Miss July’, eh, Miss July, what?” thinking that perhaps she was “Miss Snap-On Tools July”, and was featured on a calendar hanging in local auto shops, or something like that. I mean, this was a parking lot with cigars, for Chrissake!
The young woman’s response was priceless. She look at me, confused, and said, “Well, 2009, of course.” I nodded and smiled, and walked away thinking, “Jeez, what a bubble-head!”
One of my colleagues, who had checked in with me, and was also walking away with me, pulled me aside, and gently asked, “Did you not see the bunny logo printed at the bottom of the glossy photo?” Ah, that Miss July. As I suggested, the story doesn’t reflect well on me. In fact, the question of who was the more bubble-headed of the two of us would spark debate.
Postscript: No, I never took Miss July out on a date – I’m a married man. But, I did chase down a copy of the July, 2009 issue of Playboy. And, while it’s not a secret that photo spreads in many magazines, including Playboy, are heavily airbrushed, I was quite surprised to see Miss July sporting contour that I knew simply wasn’t there. That accomplishment is more than airbrushing; that is a true feat of engineering. Perhaps Playboy should redirect some of that energy investing in enhancement to their logo featured on glossy photos.
Thanks,
B.S.
Here is a link to the original column published in April, 2014, in the event you’d like to view the piece in its original home: Miss July.
Now, the more cynical among you might believe that Rule of Three has published this column simply to feature a photo of the award-winning columnist with an attractive, young, blonde woman in a skimpy black dress. On the advice of counsel, I have nothing to say to you on that front.
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