Each Wedding is a Unique and Memorable Experience
However, some weddings are more unique and memorable than others.
When I Googled “Where do most weddings take place?” I was not expecting the answer I received. Istanbul, Turkey was the answer, with 166,000 weddings conducted in a recent year; Las Vegas checked in at number two, with 114,000 weddings (some at A Little White Chapel, pictured above, which purports to have married about 800,000 couples since 1951, or 1955, when it first hung out its shingle - what? They don’t remember the year it was established? Well, most activities in Vegas are performed while drunk, so. . .).
I was actually attempting to discover what percentage of weddings are conducted in churches, synagogues and mosques, as opposed to venues not affiliated with organized religion. As an example, my wife and I were married in Winnetka Congregational Church, in Chicago’s North Shore suburb of Winnetka, in 1984. A few years later, that church was the setting for the wedding scene in a movie entitled, “She’s Having a Baby,” which starred Elizabeth McGovern and Kevin Bacon. I immediately recognized the distinctive black-and-white checkerboard design of the tile floor at the front of the church when I saw the movie (no, I wasn’t staring at the floor during my wedding, I was gazing dreamily into my wife’s eyes, but, you know, you notice things). So, the next time you find yourself playing the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game, know that you’re able to directly connect to me in one step. You’re welcome. Also, it’s nice to learn about Istanbul - I had no idea.
You’ll be glad to know that I eventually did learn, from religionnews.com, that only 22 percent of U.S. weddings performed during 2017 were hosted by religious congregations, a precipitous drop from 41% a scant 8 years earlier. Houses of worship have been shunted aside in favor of banquet halls, country clubs, hotels, wineries, and museums, among other venues.
Among other venues. . .now that’s something that has piqued the curiosity of the team within Rule of Three’s Event Planning Alternate Venue Identification Department; they immediately set off to fully explore this niche - herein contains their findings (with assistance from yeahweddings.com):
State or National Parks - Want to get married while a group of aging hippies with enormous backpacks wanders through your ceremony? Then this option is for you.
Beaches - Frolicking in the sand is delightful; frolicking in the sand in a tuxedo, not so much. If you go the beach route, adopt beach attire.
Zoos - Maybe set up shop next to the penguin exhibit - they’re already dressed for the occasion. But, steer clear of conducting your ceremony downwind of the African Safari animal enclosure - c’mon, you know why.
Boats - Now, if we’re talking about a 300-foot luxury yacht, I’m in; on the other hand, a dinghy, or a canoe or a bass boat, check, please!
Botanical Gardens - The plus here is that you could save a ton of money on floral arrangements for the wedding.
Theatres - Weddings are certainly performative, to some degree. So, why not treat the whole event as a stage show? I hear murder mystery dinner theatre is quite popular. I’d put my money on Uncle Jimmy to be the murderer - with the bride out of the way, he’d be free to recruit the grief-stricken groom to come work for him in his import/export business. Also, he flatly refused to participate in the “Chicken Dance” scene.
Theme Parks - I don’t know about this one - does Disney require you to dress as one of their characters in order to get married at one of their parks?
Summer Campgrounds - Just one question: Will “bug juice” be served at the wedding?
Casinos - There is certainly a sense of irony here. I mean, after all, the couple in question is accepting the 50/50 odds that their marriage will survive. I wonder if there are parlay bets available in this space?
Sports Stadiums - Ah, the dream of many a young bride: seeing her name on the Jumbotron.
Office Spaces - “Alright, we’ll set up the altar right here - we’ll have to move the copier out of the way; and, we can move those cubicles, and position the guest chairs out there.”
Stellar work, Rule of Three’s Event Planning Alternate Venue Identification Department - your research is quite useful. But, it seems to me that you may have ignored a few alternate locations which could provide a lovely backdrop for someone’s impending nuptials:
Prison - Who’s to say that true love can’t blossom while one is in prison? I’m told that many pen-pal relationships eventually lead to marriage, and, being imprisoned limits venue options available to the happy couple - problem solved.
City Hall - I hear many couples opt for this no-frills option. We have not performed the research on this venue option, but, thankfully our valued Substack colleague, Anne Kadet offers up an inside look at trends and activities in New York City, in her column, labeled, Cafe Anne, and a recent piece highlighted a number of couples who got hitched at City Hall in Manhattan - enjoy. . .
Home - This proved to be a winning solution in the 1991 film, Father of the Bride, which starred Steve Martin and and Diane Keaton, but only because they had the stellar wedding planner, “Frahnk” (played by Martin Short) on their team.
Axe Throwing Bar - The energy level at some weddings begins to wane after about the third toast to the happy couple - you know, the one in which the bride’s BFF recounts the story of how the bride colored her hair blonde, but it kinda’ turned orange instead, and she couldn’t leave the house for a week, and, blah, blah, blah. . .Well, if you’ve set up shop inside one of those trendy axe throwing bars for the wedding, then, no worries! Guests will remain entertained by participating in a really dangerous activity, while drunk (sounds like Vegas, no?).
So, if you’re charged with planning a wedding, perhaps the information provided in today’s column will be useful to you in choosing a venue. Just, you know, don’t invite Uncle Jimmy - he’s trouble.
And, congratulations to Michael Jordan and Joan Collins - we think those two crazy kids can make a go of it!
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Only 22%! And that was 2017. I imagine it's much lower now. Holy cow!
Love the office wedding idea. People are BUSY and that would VERY EFFICIENT for the harried executive!
Congratulations to you and Mrs. Southern on 40 years! That's your best connection to Kevin Bacon, who has also enjoyed a long marriage (36 years to Kyra Sedgwick).