I think we all know the days of the week, right? As I searched for (uncredited and uncompensated) artwork to appear atop this column, I stumbled across a wide variety of options, including some which began with Monday, and either ended on Friday, or extended through to Sunday (OK, I get it, it’s a typical workweek design), and one which began with Monday, and included each day through Thursday, and then featured a final date-box labeled, “weekend,” (that seems a little dismissive of the importance of the weekend to us all), and, curiously, one which began with Saturday, and extended through to Sunday - what possible application could that one have? Perhaps it was developed by the NCAA, in order to highlight their most-frequent football game day?
There were also many options which featured Sunday as the first day of the week, hopefully a concept which many of us can embrace, event amidst these quite-polarized political times - I half-expect to see a Quinnipiac University poll reflecting survey results suggesting that 36% of those surveyed believe that the weekly calendar should begin with Monday; 38% who believe that Sunday is the appropriate starting-point; and 26% who firmly believe that using weekly planners of any sort enables the government to track their whereabouts at all times.
In any event, the inevitable question you’re now asking yourself is, “Really, given all those options, this is the one you landed on? I mean, it wouldn’t look out of place on the set of Match Game ‘73, would it?”
Anyway, market positioning of calendars is not the focus of the column this week. Rather, I’d like to explore the use of the days of the week in music throughout history, and let’s further agree that, in the Gregorian Calendar, which is the one most widely used since 1582, there are, in fact, seven days in a week, not eight - the headline above is intended to be ironic, and to play off the title of a popular Beatles tune (Geez! Don’t tell me you’ve never heard that song - Google it!). As an aside, a joke that circulated widely in the late 1970’s was, “Wait, Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?” (the late 1970’s, although it did include the meteoric rise of Saturday Night Live, was nonetheless a relatively weak comedy stretch - not as dark as say, the Eisenhower era in the 1950’s, but still. . . “Wait, Ike was in a war before becoming president?”) I think the Paul McCartney joke would have to be amended today to, “Wait, Paul McCartney was in a band before he became a solo act?” or, “Wait, Paul McCartney - that old guy who plays the bass left-handed?” or, most likely, “Who?”
Herewith are my findings (and, yes, I chose to begin with Sunday):
Sunday
Spinditty.com (the “About Us” blurb on their website indicates that, “We are a site created by music buffs - sharing our unique expertise and knowledge. . .,” so I knew that I had landed in the right place) lists a whopping sixty-five songs with the word “Sunday” in the title. Umm. . .unfortunately, I didn’t recognize a single one of these songs - I was beginning to regret my choice of a column topic, as well as my decision regarding with which day of the week to begin - Monday would never have let me down like this. But, given that I’m not a quitter (I’ve never walked out on a movie, and the only book I’ve ever abandoned midstream was, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (completely unreadable, in my opinion)), I have chosen a song entitled, “Sunday Morning,” performed by Earth, Wind & Fire, because Earth, Wind & Fire is awesome, and they did spawn another classic drawn from the calendar, entitled “September” - so, there you have it.
Monday
Our friends at spinditty.com come through again with seventy-five song options to choose from, with the word “Monday” in the song title. Thankfully, I was able to pick out a few that struck a chord with me, including: “Manic Monday,” by The Bangles; “Rainy Days and Mondays,” by the Carpenters; and “Monday Monday,” by the Mamas & the Papas - all fine choices - thank you, Monday, for stepping up here. Also, I’m marginally intrigued to learn more about “Mayonnaise Taco Monday,” by a band called Five Iron Frenzy. Admittedly, I’m not curious enough to search for it on YouTube, but, perhaps you are. Perhaps you own a black t-shirt with this band’s logo on it. Perhaps you were a “roadie” for this band. Perhaps you once played in this band. If any of these three things are true, my advice to you is to keep it to yourself.
Tuesday
I was pleased to note a taco-based song appropriately housed on Tuesday (you know, “Taco Tuesday,”), which apparently inspired a song of the same name, by a band called, “Migos”. Tuesday also features a number of ready examples of fine non-taco-infused music, including: “Ruby Tuesday,” by The Rolling Stones (later memorialized by a chain restaurant, with locations across the country, but densely clustered on the east coast); The Moody Blues’ “Tuesday Afternoon;” and Count Basie’s “Tuesday at Ten” (you didn’t see that one coming, did you? Because Count Basie is more well-known for such songs as: “April in Paris” (“One more time!”), “One O’Clock Jump,” and “Jumpin’ at the Woodside.”
Wednesday
Ah, finally - Hump Day! I think I would have had better luck locating songs with the word, “hump” in the title, rather than the word, “Wednesday.” Nevertheless, I settled on a song entitled, “Any Wednesday,” by The Royal Guardsmen; the graphic featured by YouTube when I sampled this song is pictured below - highlighting the more-popular tune recorded by The Royal Guardsmen: “Snoopy vs. the Red Baron” - my advice to you: if you visit YouTube to grab a listen, go with the “Snoopy” tune.
“Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M.” is a pretty song, featuring the lilting harmonies provided by Simon & Garfunkel, although not as well-known as, say, “The Boxer,” or “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” or “The Sound of Silence.”
Thursday
Oh, sure, spinditty.com contains sixty songs with the word “Thursday” in the title, but, alas, none which registered with me. So, I turned to the tireless Rule of Three research team for answers. They suggested that the next best thing would be to identify songs that include a word which sounds very much like Thursday, say, “thirsty.” OK, I’ll bite: what have you got? It turns out that Mariah Carey recorded a song entitled, “Thirsty,” and a quick scan of this song’s lyrics revealed them to be suggestive, but relatively acceptable in polite society. This is where the list ends, however, because there are many, many more options which employ the word thirsty in their lyrics, most performed by various rappers. Apparently the rap community utilizes a different definition of the word thirsty than you and I do - one which relates more to sexual appetites and alternative sexual practices, as opposed to the more-traditional need satisfied by drinking water.
Friday
You didn’t think I’d travel along on this weeklong musical journey, without highlighting a Steely Dan song, did you? “Black Friday,” from the Katy Lied album, is an obvious choice here. Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F)” is another respectable contender. And, speaking of respectable, the final choice here is anything but, and will likely cause you to run screaming. Without further ado, the winner in the category of the “Most Banal, Mind-Numbing, Artless Performance Ever by a Musical Artist” is. . .envelope, please. . .”Friday,” by Rebecca Black. A YouTube link to this steaming pile of musical excrement is helpfully provided here - you simply have to hear (and see) it to believe it!
Saturday
Saturday’s headliner has got to be Chicago’s “Saturday in the Park” - a timeless classic! This lineup could also not reasonably ignore the Bee Gees’ contribution to the disco zeitgeist, “Saturday Night Fever” - I’m pretty sure that Barry Gibb is a regular reader of this column, and I don’t wanna’ piss him off. And, another well-traveled artist, Elton John, included “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” on his classic album, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.
So, there you have it - which day of the week gets your vote for “Most Likely to Get Everybody Out on the Dance Floor?” Given the apparent flexibility of the hallowed weekly calendar, I think I can successfully lobby to have it recast, and shift your favorite to the front of the pack. Unless it’s Thursday - I’m not getting behind that - or Thirsty, for that matter.