I don’t know about you, but I find unpleasant truths to be, well, unpleasant. I’m not saying I like being lied to, but, let’s face it, in polite society, sometimes it pays to exhibit a bit of discretion, when delivering negative news. But, we shouldn’t be pollyanna-ish about what people are telling us. I don’t speak, “Jive,” as the actress who played Mrs. Cleaver volunteered to a stewardess, in her role in the movie, Airplane, but, fortunately, I speak fluent “Euphemism.”
We are all familiar with a host of euphemisms which are widely used, including:
Vertically-challenged - this common euphemism is used to politely describe someone who is short. Variants utilizing the word, “challenged,” include: “Follically-challenged” (Bald); “Horizontally-challenged” (Fat); “Economically-challenged” (Poor, or broke); and “Intellectually-challenged” (Stupid). Perhaps you can think of other logical “challenged” attributes. I would offer: “Vehically-challenged” (one who rides the bus); “Attractively-challenged” (Ugly); and “Footwear-challenged” (Shoeless, you know, like “Footwear-challenged Joe Jackson).
Going in a different direction - this phrase is sometimes trotted out when one is being fired, or being rejected as a candidate for a position, thus rendering that person, “Employment-challenged”. To be clear, “going in a different direction means that you have been deemed unsuitable - I hate to be the one telling you this, but it’s true.
Negative patient outcome - this phrase comes in handy when medical professionals are describing someone who has just died. Death is a particularly difficult “unpleasant truth” to confront, so it’s not surprising that many euphemisms exist to describe the act of dying, including: “Kick the bucket” (like Mrs. O’Leary’s cow in Chicago in 1871? Actually, the cow was supposed to have kicked over a lantern); “Pushing up daisies” (I suppose because a dead body was usually buried in the ground in days past, theoretically fertilizing the growth of flowers, such as daisies - however, I’m not aware of any scientifically-sound study which has been conducted on the efficacy of human remains as a fertilizer); and “Pass away” (this one is quite ephemeral, and sometimes appears as, “Pass on,” or simply “Pass.” It is not connected to, “Passover,” which is a Jewish holiday which commemorates the liberation of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery.)
During recent political discourse, there have been a great many euphemisms unfurled - some of my favorites have included:
Alternative facts - this one attempts to avoid the reality that a lie is being told, and is attributed to Kellyanne Conway, a counselor to President Trump. Politicians have long developed alternative facts. A famous quote from Daniel Patrick Moynihan, a Senator from New York, beginning in the mid-1970’s, posits that, “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts.” Kinda’ dismisses the whole, “alternative facts” view, doesn’t it?
Out of an abundance of caution - this phrase has become nearly ubiquitous during the Coronavirus Pandemic. As an example, when the president was stricken with the virus, his doctors and advisers repeatedly indicated that his going to the hospital, and being treated with untested, powerful drugs, was due to, “an abundance of caution.” Not knowing what actually transpired during the president’s illness, I can’t say for sure that we were being lied to about the severity of his medical condition, but, “out of an abundance of caution,” I will refrain from passing judgment on any statements made during that “field trip.” (Ed. note: “Euphemism” alert)
Aspirational - another outgrowth of 2020’s pandemic crisis was the apparent defense of White House claims regarding how quickly the U.S. was expected to recover from its economic crisis, caused by business closings. “Aspirational” is something that one desires; not something that has happened. Suggesting that a leader’s message to its citizenry is aspirational is, simply put, lying.
As I scribble these notes about political euphemisms, I am struck by the common theme appearing in each of them - perhaps you can spot that thread as well - here’s a hint: It’s lies. Interesting, no? To be fair, lying is not restricted to politicians. Business leaders, entertainers, sports figures, authors, lawyers, firemen, doctors, circus-clowns, and, yes, even beloved columnists, all resort to lying when necessary. The most polished of these liars do invest the effort in dousing their lies with a splash of “diplomatic cologne.” But, I implore you to practice safe splashing; please try to avoid becoming “Scent-challenged.”