I believe the First Amendment, pictured above, reflects a startling omission. The Founding Fathers were no doubt distracted by the exigencies of piloting our young country. But, if they had taken a step back, when crafting this document so critical to our democracy, and considered what so many then-current and future Americans truly hold dear, they might have included, “. . .or the right to properly observe, ‘business casual Friday’ in the workplace.” (I can picture Jefferson complaining, “Yes, it’s important to me that I look good, but after four straight days of powdering my wig, and adjusting my ruffled shirt, and buttoning all those buttons on my waistcoat, wouldn’t it be refreshing on a Friday to be a bit more relaxed and comfortable?”) Sure, religion, speech, the press, assembly, and petition to redress are all important freedoms in their own right, but, much like Bobby Kennedy, who famously said, “Some men see things as they are, and say why. I dream of things that never were, and say why not,” I can’t help but imagine how much more meaningful the document could have been with this one minor addition.
Having adhered to corporate America’s dress-code for men for nearly forty years, wearing a suit and tie to the office, I treasure my inalienable right to dress down on Fridays, and wear khakis and a collared shirt, sans tie, at work. I don’t recall this grand tradition being in place in the early 1980’s, when I entered the workforce. But, I have been a religious follower for many years, sometimes to the detriment of my professional reputation.
Googling, “business casual Friday,” reveals many wardrobe options I wouldn’t have otherwise considered, including an unnatural amount of what appears to be “skinny jeans” for men, paired with a blazer, or a sweater. And, some ridiculous suggestions include what appears to be, “Miami Vice Chic” linen jackets (Come on, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about - you know! I can’t even envision wearing that getup out clubbing; and I was of age in the 1980’s. The 1970’s are rightfully tagged with featuring some of the worst fashion options ever created, but the 1980’s are no slouch either, in that department.) Maybe I’m “old school,” but wearing jeans in the office, in my opinion, should be limited to contributing $5.00 to United Way, in exchange for the privilege of wearing said jeans on “United Way Wear Jeans in the Office Day;” it’s a little naughty. . .and benefits charity. Also, not being slight of build, I simply cannot carry off skinny jeans in any way, shape, or form. So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to stick with the khakis and collared shirt, sans tie.
More than twenty years ago, I can recall preparing to travel to a large, professional luncheon presentation with my boss, on a Friday. As we met and headed to his car, I noted, with dismay, that he was dressed in a suit and tie; I was sporting my usual, Friday business casual apparel. I half-heartedly volunteered to travel home, and change clothes, and meet him at the venue later, but he dismissed the suggestion, no doubt thinking to himself, “Well, at least it’s not me who will look like a shmoe.”
As we arrived at the ballroom for the luncheon, I glanced around the room, and determined that I was the one and only attendee, amongst the several hundred in attendance, who was not wearing a suit and tie - I’m sure there were women there as well, who may or may not have been observing business casual Friday, but I think the rules are different for professional women. Some years after this incident, as a manager, I was asked to weigh-in on developing guidelines to be shared with the staff regarding summer wardrobe choices. I found it necessary to recuse myself once the discussion veered toward proposed restrictions on how sheer a woman’s blouse could be, or the acceptability of thong underwear, given the more frequent use of less opaque pants in the summertime - “check, please!”
Perhaps you’ve heard the folksy phrase, “turd in the punchbowl?” That’s a pretty disturbing characterization of what the Urban Dictionary terms, “a person who spoils a pleasant social situation.” That’s exactly how I felt back then. As I’ve aged (notice that I didn’t say, matured), I’ve become less interested in what others think about me, regarding either what I’m wearing, or what I’m saying. I think I’ll make a darn good curmudgeon, as I enter my 80’s, in another twenty years - at that point, I’ll probably be less committed to “business casual Friday,” and will perhaps have transitioned to a “pants-less Friday” aficionado, who can’t be bothered with the opinions of those who take issue with that. And, get off my lawn!
Certainly during the pandemic, office dress standards have been relaxed, as have most office-workers. Toiling in the media business, I have been in the office almost every day, as our business was termed, an “essential business” by the governor of our state, and our doors have remained open throughout the crisis. And, I admit to adopting a lesser standard of a polo shirt and jeans for a period of time early in the pandemic, given that I couldn’t locate a dry-cleaner, and I had exhausted my supply of collared dress shirts. Yes, I know I could have washed and ironed these shirts myself, but, you know, I like a modest amount of starch in my shirts, and I’m not even sure you can still buy that stuff these days, and. . .wait a minute, why are you badgering me about this? This isn’t about me, it’s about office wardrobe issues. I’m preparing a petition, as we speak, to the authorities, seeking to cleanse this one minor transgression from my “Permanent Record.” I’m mounting the oft-utilized “Pandemic-Related Universal Excuse Exemption” defense; this justification has become quite common during the past year, and has been deployed in any number of situations, both business and social: “I wish I could perform the job-related duties for which I am being paid, but, you know, Covid,” and “I’m sorry we couldn’t fix the malfunctioning air-conditioning on your 2012 Fusion, but, you know, Covid,” and “We’re very sorry for tearing-up your front lawn with our snowplow, but, you know, Covid.”
In any event, dry-cleaners eventually came back online, and I’m back to displaying my usual sartorial splendor - except on Fridays, when I exercise my God-given right (even if the Founding Fathers didn’t see fit to memorialize it) to wear khakis and a collared shirt, sans tie. And, I look forward to that Friday, in the not-too-distant future, when I will begin to religiously observe “pants-less Friday.”