I collect baseball caps. There, I’ve said it. As with any twelve-step program, the critical first step is admitting that you have a problem. This mountain of baseball caps (and, many more which I was unable to properly pose in the picture) currently resides in my office, because my wife refuses to let them gather dust in our home. I began collecting these caps twenty years ago, as I became suddenly bald, a natural outgrowth of the chemo treatments I was undergoing at the time.
No, I don’t consider myself a hoarder, because I’m able to travel unencumbered into, and around my office. I do enjoy displaying the caps, because they remind me of visits to specific places, or of specific events, or of specific people I have known. I think that’s why people collect things: to spark specific memories. And, they are useful conversation-starters with visitors. In fact, my quaint tradition is to allow visitors to choose the “Hat of the Day,” and to perch said hat on the head of my grey-toned friend buried under the pile of hats.
Some people collect spoons (because you never know when you’ll need to stir cream and sugar into your coffee cup); some people collect stamps (because you never know when you’ll need to mail a letter); and some people collect baseball cards (because you never know when you’ll need to place a card in the spokes of your bicycle with the banana-seat, in an attempt to mimic the sound of a motorcycle).
Ironically, I rarely wear a baseball cap - it messes up my hair. But, these hats don’t mess up my memories. Sorting through these caps has reminded me of memorable things in my past, including:
Chicago Cubs - I trace my lineage to around 1968, when, as a youngster of eight, living on Chicago’s North Shore, I began to pay attention to the “lovable losers” who toiled at Clark and Addison. My family would find our way to Wrigley Field a few times a year, but WGN-TV broadcast virtually every Cubs game every year, so I became quite familiar with Jack Brickhouse, Vince Lloyd, and Lou Boudreau reporting on the likes of Ron Santo, Billy Williams, Don Kessinger, Glenn Beckert, Randy Hundley, Fergie Jenkins, Kenny Holtzman, Bill Hands, Phil Regan, Ted Abernathy, Jim Hickman, and Ernie Banks, all led by manager Leo Durocher. 1969 was a very traumatic experience for me: the Cubs were nine games ahead of the Mets on August 16th, and ended up losing the pennant to the “Amazing Mets” - truly a colossal collapse!
Steely Dan - I’ve seen Steely Dan perform live only once, and that was a couple of years ago, after the death of Walter Becker. But, the soul of Steely Dan remains Donald Fagen, and he dusted-off all the hits. I’ve never hidden my appreciation for the music of Steely Dan. As a very wise YouTube commenter once observed, “Listening regularly to Steely Dan makes you eleven-percent hipper.”
Montreal Expos - I purchased this cap while spending a few days in Montreal with several colleagues. What a great city! Tons of wonderful restaurants and bars and shops - just a fun place to walk around. The cap also harkens back to the 1969 baseball season (see above for reference to the soul-crushing pain that season inflicted upon me), in which the Expos debuted in the National League.
The Crane - Located on the side of Barbados which enjoys cooling breezes, The Crane is a fabulous resort, to which we have traveled twice - a beautiful setting. (Ed. note: This listing is not a sponsored post, although if the columnist had any business-sense about him, his team would have solicited funding from The Crane, in order to defray the expenses attached to producing this award-winning column.)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - This cap memorializes a couple of trips I made to Tampa a few years ago, while assisting a struggling sister-company. Tampa, in my opinion, is a sprawling, non-descript city, in which one must sit at a traffic-light (perhaps on the curiously-named Boy Scout Boulevard) for about twenty minutes, before the light changes. Tampa is home to Bern’s Steak House, which is, without question, one of the finest steakhouses in the U.S. Nearby Clearwater is a much more appealing Florida destination, with an expansive beach, and a string of t-shirt shops, and a terrific breakfast place just off the beach (whose name escapes me, at the moment), which serves wonderful French toast (and, I don’t even like French toast).
Bali - I have never visited Bali, but my parents did, years ago, and they gave me this nice cap as a souvenir (no, it doesn’t say, “My parents went to Bali, and all I got was this cap.); it reminds me of my parents, both of whom died within the last five years.
Illegitimi Non Carborundum - At the risk of becoming a bit maudlin, this one also connects me to my dad - he shared with me this Latin phrase, which is loosely translated as, “Don’t let the bastards grind you down,” and which he suggested was a longstanding bit of advice tossed around amongst lawyers, a club to which he belonged for forty-two years. Hmm. . .I wonder why this particular phrase is useful when dealing with lawyers?
Pittsburgh Pirates - Well, I think we can all agree that the current version of the Pirates are woeful (they’re no 1969 Chicago Cubs), but, Pittsburgh has been my home for nearly three years, and the Pirates have been here a very long time (longer than the Steelers and the Penguins), and I have fond memories of the Pirates of the early 1970’s pummeling the Cubs with their lineup, including Bill Mazeroski, Richie Hebner, Roberto Clemente, Willie Stargell, Al Oliver, Steve Blass, Dock Ellis, and Manny Sanguillen, all managed by Danny Murtaugh. The 1971 World Champion Pirates sported an iconic yellow cap, which I was unable to locate anywhere in town to purchase - I had to resort to Amazon to secure an authentic 1971 cap. I turned to color-meanings.com, and its purported 145 shades of yellow color, twenty of which are reflected in the chart below to properly tag the color featured on the 1971 Pirates cap. I think it’s close to the “Macaroon” color, but it might be “Shortbread,” or “Parmesan.” I’d reach out to the Pirates for an answer, but they have more significant issues at hand, such as developing strategies to prevent a second-straight 100-loss season.
Chicago - I spent thirty-six-and-a-half of my formative years in Chicago, and I have waxed poetically in this column from time to time about my personal connection to Chicago - I love Chicago!
Colorado - The Colorado cap I have on board obviously features a mountain graphic (what, too cliche?). I’m quite fond of Colorado, inasmuch as it was where I learned to ski (thanks, Keystone), and two-thirds of my children have lived there at various points in time, and is the birthplace of two-thirds of my grandchildren. I wish I could craft a third “two-thirds” analogy for you, but I’m out.
Peace, Love, & Little Donuts - A Pittsburgh-based doughnut shop, no doubt founded by aging hippies, Peace, Love & Little Donuts, is a fun place to visit, as you can watch the doughnuts as they are deep-fried, and then custom-dipped with frosting, and all manner of other things, including: pretzels, maple-bacon, and Fruity Pebbles. The cap features a peace sign, a heart, and a donut with a bite out of it - cute, huh? (Ed. note: I thought we talked about this - a golden sponsorship opportunity wasted).
Schmucker’s - Continuing the food-based theme, Schmucker’s is a Toledo institution, founded in 1949 - an old-time diner, serving breakfast and pies - very fluffy pancakes. (Ed. note: ??).
Picture of Two Eagles - This cap was gifted to me by my brother, back when I was self-consciously bald. He had secured it from a professional golfer, to whom he was introduced while crafting a sponsorship deal, and who had graciously signed the bill of the cap. Unfortunately, the signature has become faded over time, and I cannot recall who the golfer was. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Tiger Woods, if that’s what you’re wondering. (Ed. note: Wait a minute, your brother knows about sponsorship deals? Why am I wasting my time with you?).
Square Newspaper Hat - If you haven’t spent the past thirty years working in the newspaper publishing business, as I have, you may not be aware of the grand tradition: that experienced press operators were able to craft square-shaped hats out of printed newspapers. As with printed newspapers themselves, experienced press operators have become a lost art, and, alas, the grand tradition is dying out. Don’t look at me: I tried to replicate the task for a group of schoolchildren a few years ago, and failed miserably.
Iron Man - Iron Man is cool!
Don’t Give Up The Ship - This phrase was made famous during the War of 1812, having been uttered by Captain James Lawrence, as the ship he was commanding, the U.S.S. Chesapeake, was being overrun by the British, and he was dying of his wounds. His friend, Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry, subsequently included that phrase on a battle flag, which flew during the successful Battle of Lake Erie, as he commanded the U.S.S. Lawrence (until it became disabled, and he transferred to the U.S.S. Niagara). At the end of the battle, neither ship was given up, and Perry’s U.S. forces were successful. I’ll bet you didn’t realize that you were in for a history lesson here. Two hundred years later, I joined a group commemorating that battle, on Lake Erie, in which the U.S.S. Niagara was a participant. I was able to purchase this cap at Put-in-Bay, located on an island not far from Toledo, in Lake Erie. Put-in-Bay plays host to hordes of drunken youngsters every summer, who likely have no idea who Commodore Perry was, nor what role the U.S.S. Niagara played in our country’s history; if you bump into those drunken youngsters, please point them to this column for a history lesson.
Cleveland Indians (the Chief Wahoo logo cap) - I know it’s politically incorrect these days, but, damn it, I like that cap. Plus, it reminds me of a baseball game I attended some years ago at Cleveland’s Jacobs Field (now Progressive Field), as the guest of a newspaper industry colleague, Keith, who managed a national Amish newspaper, not far from Cleveland. We were seated along the first-base side, in the first row, right by the dugout - great seats! And, if memory serves, the Cubs beat the Indians (now the Guardians) by a score along the lines of 21-3. Shortly after our outing, my friend died suddenly of a heart attack in his office, at the too-young age of sixty-three. Keith was instrumental in attracting the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (yes, I have that cap also) to Cleveland, in his role as publisher of Scene magazine, and I have enjoyed telling about one of the most unusual career changes I have ever seen, that of Keith’s shift from publishing an alternative metro weekly newspaper to publishing an Amish newspaper - talk about ends of the spectrum!
San Francisco (a script San Francisco, with the Golden Gate in the background) - This cap was acquired during a west coast trip, which originated in San Francisco, and ended in Los Angeles, with two-thirds of my children (there, that’s the third two-thirds reference I was seeking), and was ostensibly pitched as a trip to visit potential college homes for my daughter. We did indeed visit a number of universities on this trip, but we also explored many of California’s tourist sites, logged memorable dining experiences, and simply enjoyed traveling together.
As you can see, each of these hats serves as a reminder for me of something, or someplace, or someone memorable in my life. Try getting that from a spoon, or a stamp, or a baseball card.
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My dad was an avid ball fan and he had a ball cap collection as well. I've had a few collections over my lifetime. A few years ago I "downsized" and all my collections went off to other "collectors" of treasures. It was amazing how many memories and how many of my collectibles had been gifts from people over the years. Very endearing. Great topic! Thanks for writing this one!
Two columns for the price of one this weekend! I commend you, Rule of Three, for your remarkable value…