Children years ago were supposed to be “seen and not heard.” Some TV shows over time have flipped that script with certain characters, allowing them to be “heard and not seen.” A classic example is the next-door neighbor character, Wilson, in Tim Allen’s long-running 1990’s sitcom, Home Improvement, who was most frequently “seen” behind the tall fence separating his property from Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor’s home. I also applaud the deployment of the “last name only” gimmick with this character, although, apparently his full name was revealed in a later episode to be Wilson W. Wilson - huh?
Another iconic, and never-seen TV show character was Charlie Townsend, the owner of a private investigation firm, on the late 1970’s show, Charlie’s Angels, a key part of ABC’s lineup of shows derisively referred to, by an NBC executive, as “jiggle television.” Wikipedia reports that jiggle television was characterized as “. . .the use of female television celebrities moving in loose clothing or underwear in a way in which their breasts or buttocks could be seen to move, or "jiggle". . .” As a teenager with raging hormones back then, I was a fan of ABC’s lineup, and Charlie’s Angels, in particular. . .because of the use of exactly three talented private investigators, of course - geez, why must you always think the worst of me?
The Mary Tyler Moore Show spinoff, Rhoda, featured an unseen character, whose memorable tagline was, “This is Carlton, your doorman.” I don’t know if there have been any successful spinoffs of spinoffs, but I would have tuned in to watch the Carlton, your Doorman Show; of course, I would also have watched the Lenny & Squiggy Show, a potential spinoff from Laverne & Shirley, itself a spinoff from Happy Days. I guess what I’m saying is that I watched way too much TV in the 1970’s, and, I made some questionable choices.
Maris Crane, the wealthy, socialite wife of Niles Crane, in Frasier (another spinoff!), was another unseen character, as was Vera, Norm Peterson’s wife, from Frasier’s ancestral TV show home, Cheers. Unseen spouses provide tremendous comedic fodder, apparently - Lars Lindstrom, the husband of the Phyllis Lindstrom character on The Mary Tyler Moore Show was another unseen spouse, who was often made sport of in the series. Mrs. Wolowitz, Howard’s mother on The Big Bang Theory, deserves honorable mention here: although not a spouse, she might as well be. I’d like to reinforce with you right now that I am not, nor have I ever, nor do I intend in the future, to make sport of my spouse for comedic effect, unless of course, such comedic effect is clear and indisputable, and of such a high value as not to be ignored.
Veep, starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the Vice-President of the United States, accomplished the difficult task of rendering the President of the United States completely invisible, frequently asking her aides, “Did the President call?” The answer was always, no, underscoring how irrelevant she was in his administration. This series was remarkable for the constant use of the term, “POTUS,” as shorthand for “President of the United States.” That tactic has caused me to consider other such shorthand descriptions, in addition to other ones with which you are familiar, including, “SCOTUS,” and “FLOTUS” (you know, the “Supreme Court” and the “First Lady”). Herewith are several suggestions, which I intend to submit to “SNOTUS” (“Shorthand Namer of the United States”) for approval:
“REMOTUS” - “Retired Executive Manager of the United States.”
“PIGOTUS” - “Premier Independent Golfer of the United States.”
“LOCOTUS” - “Library of Congress of the United States”
Other unseen TV show characters who deserve a passing mention, include: George Steinbrenner (on Seinfeld), Juanita Beasley (Barney’s telephonic crush on The Andy Griffith Show), and Ugly Naked Guy (on Friends). I might also have flagged Cousin Jeffrey, also a character on Seinfeld, but, you know, I can only count to three.
Having thoroughly covered the ground regarding unseen TV characters, perhaps we should turn our attention to those characters who were not a part of the regular lineup of a specific TV show, yet appeared in a cameo role to memorable effect. (Ed. note: That is about the clunkiest transition I’ve ever read in a column - let’s leave it here for now as a placeholder - we’ll fix it before we publish this piece.)
The gold-standard for cameo roles in a TV show has got to be Sammy Davis, Jr.’s appearance on All in the Family. Sammy mistakenly leaves his briefcase in Archie’s cab, and shows up to retrieve it at The Bunkers’ house, whereupon he experiences the uniqueness that is Archie Bunker - the episode concludes with. . .geez, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you - Google it, and you’ll see - that scene reflects comedic effect of the highest order.
Friends featured a lot of actors appearing in cameo roles during their run, but the three that stand out to me were: Tom Selleck, Bruce Willis, and Alec Baldwin, each playing a boyfriend of one of the Friends girls - hmmm. . .daddy issues, much?
And, for the third example of a classic cameo, I must turn away from the TV, and shift my attention to the big screen. Bob Barker’s appearance in Adam Sandler’s Happy Gilmore gets my nomination as the “Best Use of a Cameo Role Appearance in an Utterly Forgettable Movie” - “The price is wrong, bitch!”
Who are the unseen actors in the TV show that is your life, who nonetheless provide substance, and support, and, yes, even comedic effect? I can think of a few in mine.