The first in a series of columns about living in certain metropolitan areas of the United States (who knows, there might be three of them?).
Having lived in several different cities scattered across this wonderful nation of ours (the United States, I mean - my subscription base features mostly Americans, although there is that one dude in Yemen who seems to be a fan), I have become quite adept at absorbing local culture, and recasting my persona as a local booster.
I believe that the identify of a metropolitan area is best defined by three critical components:
Food - this category includes both dining out and what people cook at home.
Sports - professional (and college, and other) sports teams operating in a city provide an opportunity for residents to become quite passionate about their local teams (and, as it is inseparable from sports, their local beers).
Other Attractions - each city possesses its own civic “treasures” which help to reinforce its unique brand (I know what you’re thinking: Wait a minute - this third “catch-all” category is really just a cop-out, which enables you to adhere to your ridiculous “Rule of Three” - what about its music scene, nightlife, business environment, city motto, local celebrities, official city bird, official city flower. . .? First of all, I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing as an official city bird, or official city flower - those are state things, so get off your high-horse; secondly. . .my column, my rules!)
Let’s begin with the city in which I was born, and in which I spent thirty-six-and-a-half of my formative years: Chicago. Never mind that I wasn’t actually born within Chicago’s city limits, and spent exactly one year of those 36-1/2 years living within said city limits. The reality is that the entire metropolitan area of a city (yes, including its suburbs, although with the possible exception in Chicago’s case of Schaumburg, which if its village leaders haven’t considered adopting the city motto, “Schaumburg: We’ve Got a Big Mall Here,” it should) reflects its identity, which is why I proudly proclaim my Chicago heritage.
Chicago
Food
Chicago long ago established its food identity with such hallmarks as:
Deep-dish pizza - think Giordano’s, Gino’s, and Lou Malnati’s.
Baby Back Ribs - Carson’s ribs are well-known; my favorite was always, Fireplace Inn’s.
Hot-dog joints - Irving’s for Red-Hot Lovers in Wilmette is one I remember fondly; there are literally thousands more out there - a true Chicago hot dog begins with a Vienna Beef brand hot dog (you know, the one that “snaps” when you bite into it), nestled on a poppy-seed bun, and layered with (pay attention here, this is important): yellow (baseball-tasting) mustard, chopped white onions, a ridiculously flourescent-green sweet pickle relish, sliced tomato, sport peppers, a dill pickle spear, and (the most critical ingredient in my humble opinion, celery salt) - man, I’m getting hungry - is it lunchtime yet?
Italian Beef - Al’s #1 Beef is the gold-standard, as far as I’m concerned - the name contains self-congratulations, which is usually a deal-breaker for me, but in this case, I think it’s just truth in advertising; make sure sweet peppers are added, and the sandwich is dipped in the au jus - it softens the bun, and adds a wonderful, distinctive flavor.
Sports
Chicago’s got ‘em all: Baseball (Cubs and the White Sox); Football (da’ Bears); Basketball (Bulls); and Hockey (Blackhawks).
Baseball - simple geography is at play here - if you live north of Madison Street, you’re a Cubs fan; you live south of Madison Street, you’re a Sox fan. Although, curiously, my mother hated the Cubs, and rooted for the White Sox, and never lived south of Madison Street, as far as I can recall. I trace my Cubs fan lineage to about 1968, so 1969 (the year of the ‘Amazing Mets’) was quite traumatic for a nine-year old boy living in Chicago’s North Shore. I mean, the Cubs were eight games ahead, at the beginning of September, for Chrissake! Sure, 2016 ended one-hundred-eight years of futility (my contribution was a scant 48 years), but by then I had shifted my civic allegiance elsewhere.
Football - when I first started paying attention to NFL football, the Bears were awful; although they were world-champions in 1963 (Mike Ditka was a tight end on that team, but the recently-deceased, Gale Sayers and Dick Butkus had yet to arrive - not a lot of names you would recognize, other than the owner and coach, George Halas), the Bears went 1-13 in 1970 - ouch! Now, they were back on top in 1985 (remember “The Super Bowl Shuffle”?), but the 1970’s were lean years indeed - the only reason to watch the games was to see Walter Payton dance around in the backfield, and to see if he would get his one-hundred yards.
Basketball - the Bulls were similarly pretty weak during the seventies; obviously the arrival of Michael Jordan had a significant impact on their fortunes, beginning early in the 1980’s.
Hockey - the Blackhawks generally did pretty well during the 1970’s, and into the 1980’s and beyond, but Chicago was more of a Bears and Cubs town (Wayne and Garth in “Wayne’s World”, notwithstanding, and Aurora is not really Chicago - it’s a little far afield).
The one negative in Chicago’s sports ledger is the presence of so many Notre Dame sports fans among its residents; all sports fans can be quite wearisome, but Fighting Irish fans are truly insufferable.
As for beers, upon which it is my sworn duty to report, when providing the sports report, you’ll have to rely on my recollections from long ago, rather than what Google might have to say about it. Old-Style was a long-time Wrigley Field mainstay; I remember Harry Caray touting Falstaff on White Sox broadcasts before he traveled north to the Cubs; and I grew up on Stroh’s at home (Stroh’s is actually a Detroit-based beer, so, more on that later). Among “Johnny-come-lately’s (due to the micro-brew craze which has taken hold lately), I’m a fan of Goose Island beers, which takes its name (and, I think its brewery is based) from an island located on the Chicago River (which, if you know your Chicago history, in an extraordinary feat of engineering had its flow reversed in 1900, in order to send its sewage south towards the Mississippi River, rather than into Lake Michigan).
Other Attractions
My nominees in this category include: Lincoln Park Zoo (particularly the Great Ape House); the Art Institute (go for Seurat’s, A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte, but stay for Caillebotte’s, Paris Street, Rainy Day - exquisite!); the Sears Tower (nobody is ever going to refer to it as the Willis Tower - sorry, Willis, whoever you are); the Chicago River (see it on St. Patrick’s Day when it is colored a more flourescent-green than the pickle relish on a Chicago hot dog); The Magnificent Mile (a North Michigan Avenue stroll is awesome); and the lakefront (a great place to ride a bike).
As a footnote, no self-respecting Chicagoan refers to his hometown as, “Chi-Town”, and “Chicagoland” is similarly a marketing invention, and not for polite conversation. Conversely, Philadelphians refer to their city as “Philly” - quite acceptable.
Philadelphia
Food
Speaking of Philadelphia, I moved to Philadelphia from Chicago, and learned many things there, including how to talk over another person (it’s an east-coast thing). Clearly, its cuisine begins and ends with:
Cheesesteaks - Pat’s and Geno’s at the corner of 9th & Passyunk in south Philly are the places all the tourists know about, but locals know that the best cheesesteak in town is at Jim’s (4th & South, also in south Philly). Ed. Note: Mohammed, who manned a street cart across the street from the Inquirer building on Broad Street, also produced a fine cheesesteak - the key to an excellent cheesesteak, to me, is using a generous amount of pepper, when grilling the steak. Locals will argue about whether provolone cheese or Cheez-Whiz is the most authentic approach, but you definitely gotta’ go “wid”, which means including fried onions. Incidentally, isn’t it interesting (maybe not to you, but it is to me - remember Rule No. 3?) that when presented with two similar options, there’s almost always a “double-secret” third option which wasn’t even part of the equation?
Water Ice - pronounced by locals as “wood-er ice” - given that August temperatures regularly clip ninety-five degrees in Philadelphia, turning everybody’s lawn into a hay-field, this is a delightful frozen treat - Rita’s Water Ice is the league-leader.
Pretzels - you can definitely find the large, soft pretzels all over town, but I remember seeing pretzels (the crunchy kind) in virtually every aisle in the grocery store, no doubt intended to spur sales of local beers (see: Sports above) - my favorite Pennsylvania-based beer was Yuengling, which is not brewed in Philadelphia, but is native to Pottsville, located more in the middle of the state. I’ve toured the ancient brewery, which truth be known, is operated more for show - most of Yuengling’s beer is produced at a modern plant in Florida - and, I could hear the Laverne & Shirley show theme-song playing in my head (you know, “Schlemiel! Schlimazel!”) while watching the bottling line circulate (although sans Laverne’s rubber glove on one of the bottles).
Sports
Philadephia is also stacked, when it comes to professional sports: Baseball (Phillies); Football (Eagles); Basketball (Seventy-Sixers); and Hockey (Flyers). Philadelphia sports fans can be quite rabid - remember, they were the ones who threw snowballs at Santa Claus at an Eagles game in the late 1960’s.
Baseball - the Phillies have had some up years, and some down years, but have been generally respectable; Veterans Stadium (the “Vet”) was truly a terrible place to see either a baseball or football game, representing the “concrete canyons” built in the early 1970’s.
Football - the proper Philly pronunciation here is “Iggles”, and they have a pretty strong fan base. My favorite Eagles anecdote surrounds the establishment of “Eagles Court”, housed in the bowels of the old Veterans Stadium, complete with four jail cells, and manned by a local judge, Seamus McCaffery. Drunk and disorderly fans had their day in court (that day, during the game), and were jailed (again, during the game).
Basketball - the Seventy-Sixers (Sixers) have had some great players, and have won some championships: Dr. J (Julius Erving), Moses Malone (“Fo, Fo, Fo!” - I’m not gonna’ translate that one for you - you can Google it yourself), Allan Iverson, Billy Cunningham, and my personal favorite, Charles Barkley, who famously said, “I ‘ain’t no role model!” And you know, he was right.
Hockey - the Flyers were also pretty strong when I lived there, and the old Spectrum was their home, as well as the Sixers’ home. The center has been sponsored by a succession of banks, including First Union Bank, leading to the inevitable nickname adopted by Philadelphians for the venue of, “F-U Center”.
Philadelphia is also home to the “Big Five”, which comprises the University of Pennsylvania, LaSalle University, St. Joseph’s University, Temple, and Villanova (Ed. Note: “Comprise” is properly used grammatically in this instance - I looked it up - compose vs. comprise is an issue I struggle with constantly, and using it properly always sounds clunky; you’d think that I’d simply give up on it, but I’m stubborn that way; plus, it’s a struggle, but it’s not as consequential as, for example, Godzilla vs. King Kong).
Other Attractions
Iconic Philadelphia landmarks include: the Ben Franklin Bridge, the “Billy Penn” statue on top of city hall, Betsy Ross’ house, the Liberty Bell, Reading Terminal Market, and the “Rocky” statue, which when I last looked, was situated at the bottom of the steps of the Art Museum, which he ascended in the movie; a guy was cleaning his private parts with a long-handled broom the last time I saw the statue (the statue I mean, not the guy himself - you see what a problem a dangling participle can be. . .or is it a misplaced modifier?). I’m embarrassed to admit that I never once set foot inside the Art Museum, during the six years I lived in Philadelphia, but I did visit Betsy Ross’ house, and my three-year-old daughter walked underneath the Liberty Bell (the Bell has since been enclosed - good thing, wouldn’t want to get a crack in it - ha! (Ed. Note: Imagine that “Ha!” as rendered by Alf)).
Some of my other favorite local things included: mobster “Skinny Joey” Merlino, and learning to pronounce such places as, “Conshohocken",” and “Schuylkill.”
Coming in the next installment of this series: on to Detroit, followed by stops in Toledo, El Paso, and Pittsburgh. See you then!
Yo! Enjoyed your observations about Philly ( my home town and place of residence for 60 years). A slight miss not mentioning 'scrapple' (under food, not sports). Best with lots of ketchup, eggs, toast and a hangover. Looking forward to your next installment!