I Wouldn't Touch That With a 10-Foot Picnic Table

A long-ago project required two men, seven days, twelve trips to the hardware store and $1,800 worth of lumber.

What are you going to be remembered for, long after you are gone? No doubt you have recorded notable accomplishments and performed good works, perhaps in the arenas of business, politics, the arts, sports, philanthropy or child-rearing, noble pursuits all. As for me, I have no doubt that my legacy, long after I’m gone, will be defined by the ten-foot picnic table built by me and my brother-in-law, Bob, over thirty years ago.

The challenge presented to us was to deliver a picnic table large enough to enable our growing joint families to dine together al fresco, outside a small family cottage, located on Devils Lake, in southeast Michigan. This being the early 1990’s, one couldn’t simply Google “ten-foot picnic tables,” and surface hundreds of options, either completed products, or detailed instructions on DIY projects. And, visits to local home-center type stores did not reveal potential solutions which would be large enough to accommodate the entire group. No, we simply had to take matters into our own hands, and build it ourselves.

Collaborative partnerships demand that each participant provide a contribution to the enterprise, based upon their unique skill sets and abilities.

Fortunately, the task of building this ten-foot picnic table didn’t require that Bob and I kill thirty-one people, as Liam Neeson did, in the first Taken movie. No, as an engineer, Bob was able to develop a vision for the project, create very specific plans and identify the materials and equipment required to build the picnic table. And, I accompanied Bob on trips to the lumber yard and hardware store, and retrieved doughnuts and picked up sandwiches for lunch. So you see, each of us had our very specific roles to play in making this a successful venture.

As we began building this picnic table, we retrieved the wolmanized wood from the lumber yard (wolmanized wood is wood that is treated to prevent rotting - a solution used in exterior applications), and Bob surfaced a circular saw, in order that we could get to work (of course it was his responsibility - as I indicated above, I was tasked with retrieving doughnuts and sandwiches).

Now, the picture of the picnic table atop this column is not the actual picnic table Bob and I built over thirty years ago, but, it is a decent depiction of our finished product. It might not appear as if there are a lot of tricky angles to be effected, when sawing the lumber, but there are more than you might think. And, we were quite methodical in our execution. You may have heard the builder’s credo: Measure twice and cut once. Well, I believe our mantra was: Measure twice and cut once. . .and then, discard the improperly cut piece, and measure the new piece four times and cut once - repeat as necessary. Which is why creating this masterpiece took us all of seven days, twelve trips to the hardware store and $1,800 worth of lumber.

You also might wonder why there were multiple trips to the hardware store, during the course of this project. Perhaps I’m guilty of exaggerating the number of trips for comedic effect, but, if it wasn’t twelve trips to the hardware store, located ten or so miles away from us, it was at least four or five. What we needed from the hardware store, I simply cannot recall at this late date. I mean, the formula was pretty simple: wood, tape-measure, saw, nails, hammer. We may have made the multitasking decision for me to fulfil my sandwich-retrieval responsibilities during these many hardware store trips.

In any event, after three or four days, we had produced a lovely ten-foot picnic table, and were admiring our handiwork. Bob then indicated that we should begin work on the benches. Wait, what? The benches? Of course the benches - we’ve got to have a place to sit at this lovely table. Ahh, man!

So, back we went to the wolmanized wood, and the circular saw and the tricky angles required to create two matching ten-foot benches to accompany this lovely ten-foot picnic table.

And, a few days later, we had completed the project, under neither our spending budget, nor our time allotted budget - the $1,800 cost estimate assumes average annual inflation of around 2.6% during the past thirty years; I am proud to report that our doughnuts and sandwiches consumption met our expectations. This massive picnic table checks in at around 150 pounds - moving it is no small task.

This ten-foot picnic table has withstood the test of time, and has held up nicely amid the ravages of southeast Michigan weather dynamics over the years. Oh sure, we have had to perform a bit of minor surgery here and there to shore up sagging parts, but it still stands proudly, and will stand proudly for years to come.

Bob and I could do worse in terms of a legacy than the ten-foot picnic table. What will you be remembered for years from now?

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