Ich Bin Ein Minneapolitaner.

We are all Minneapolitans.

Minneapolis has been squarely in the center of global news coverage for many weeks now, due to events surrounding U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) actions in the city.

ICE activities have been ramped-up, and have sparked protests from activists and community members in Minneapolis; these activities have resulted in the shooting deaths of two Minneapolis residents.

Has the ICE enforcement campaign been too heavy-handed? Have the protestors crossed the line between peaceful protest and overly-aggressive confrontation with ICE personnel?

Reasonable minds may draw differing conclusions, but I believe all of us can agree that the deaths of two U.S. citizens during these events is truly tragic, and must not be allowed to continue. Rule of Three’s mission does not include advocacy, nor does it offer commentary on political issues. But, we do like to weigh-in on current events and cultural affairs, albeit typically with a skewed perspective, designed to satisfy our desire to amuse ourselves (you know, Rule No. 3).

So, before we proceed with our normal (that is to say, skewed) programming, I’d like to yield the floor briefly to a Substack colleague of mine, Mary Roblyn, a lifelong Minnesota resident, who wrote, quite eloquently, in a recent piece on her Writer, Interrupted home on Substack, about the impact of recent events in Minneapolis. I admire Mary’s writing, and found this piece to be quite poignant. . .

A Message from Minnesota

As for our take on Minneapolis, the phrase which headlines this piece, “Ich Bin Ein Minneapolitaner,” meaning “I am a Minneapolitan,” is intended to echo a phrase uttered by U.S. president John F. Kennedy in a 1963 speech in West Berlin, in which Kennedy expresses solidarity with the people of West Berlin, two years after the Berlin Wall had been constructed: “Ich bin ein Berliner,” meaning “I am a Berliner.” We set aside the suggestion that Kennedy’s unfamiliarity with the German language caused him to proclaim, “I am a jelly doughnut” (a claim actually made at the time), because Rule of Three is a scholarly journal, and cannot be expected to traffic in such low-comedy tangents.

No, the more important issue we have is why residents of Minneapolis are referred to as “Minneapolitans.” I mean, during my travels I have proudly claimed to be a Chicagoan, a Philadelphian, a Detroiter, an El Pasoan, a Toledoan and a Pittsburgher (colloquially, we would also accept “Yinzer”); those are all respectable, palatable and easily pronounceable names for residents of those respective cities. But, Minneapolitan? That sounds more like a flavor of ice cream.

Minneapolis is known and recognized for many unique things. A countervailing factor is the fact that Minneapolis is a twin. That’s right, it is considered, along with St. Paul, to comprise the “Twin Cities.” Kansas City, Missouri is also connected with a sister city, but combined with Kansas City, Kansas, the two have never been known as twin cities; how many twins do you know who share the same first name?

There are 855 Minnesota cities listed on a Wikipedia site, including its smallest city, Kinbrae, with a population of ten people; Minneapolis, with nearly 430,000 people, is the largest city in the state. Next on the list is its twin, St. Paul, checking-in at over 300,000 people. Rochester is the only other city reflecting a population greater than 100,000. So, yes, Minneapolis is the largest city in the state, but, c’mon, it’s not really a horse race. In contrast, California includes 77 cities with a population greater than 100,000, in a state which boasts 1,577 cities.

There are more than twenty lakes within the city limits of Minneapolis, but that is not the most significant water feature attached to the city, whose name is derived from the Dakota word for water, minne,” with the Greek word for city, “polis.” No, the grandest water attraction in this Greek/Native American hybrid city (Hey! Where’s Scandinavia in this mashup? After all, Minneapolis includes a large group of people of Scandinavian descent) is the Mississippi River, which winds its way through Minneapolis on its way south to the Gulf of Mexico (yes, that’s the proper name of that body of water). Quick, when you think of the Mississippi River, what comes to mind? Minneapolis? No, of course not! You think of Mark Twain, and Huckleberry Finn and Hannibal, Missouri, right? Nevertheless, Minneapolis is a part of the history of that storied river.

Minneapolis also claims the Mall of America and Prince. Although, in the course of our exhaustive research on Minneapolis facts, derived from facts.net, so you know they’re true, given the website’s name, we did not uncover even one instance of Prince performing Purple Rain at the Mall of America. That seems like a missed cross-promotional opportunity on the part of Minneapolis’ town fathers.

Facts.net points out that Minneapolis experiences all four seasons, which I would argue is true of most, if not all of your cities operating within Earth’s atmosphere, except for those who refuse to recognize the Gregorian calendar. Although, I suppose I get facts.net’s point, which might be that it is hot at certain times of the year, and cold at other times of the year and some gradations between the two at all other times. I’ll grant that Minneapolis experiences all four seasons, but I would argue that it experiences the hell out of winter, no doubt inspiring the development of its 9.5 miles of skyway bridges, connecting buildings over 80 city blocks, offering an alternative to people walking those streets while freezing.

The city also claims sports teams in all four of the garden-variety professional sports leagues: Minnesota Twins (baseball); Minnesota Vikings (football); Minnesota Timberwolves (basketball); and Minnesota Wild (hockey). Now, what do you notice about each one of these teams? That’s right, they identify with their home state, rather than their home city. I understand the marketing strategy designed to broaden the appeal to a wider customer base, but where’s the civic pride, man?

Thankfully, Minneapolis is fully embraced by an iconic character from a 1970’s sitcom set in Minneapolis: Mary Tyler Moore. The statue, commemorating the familiar opening scene in which Mary tosses her hat in the air, is located at Nicollet and 7th Street, if you’re planning a trip soon to Minneapolis. . .

By the way, the woman who stops behind Mary, looking concerned, is Hazel Frederick, so if that question comes up in a trivia contest in which you are competing, you’re welcome - you’ll blow away the competition.

Hopefully, the ICE confrontation issues in Minneapolis can be solved peaceably very soon. We stand behind the sentiment expressed at the outset of this column: “Ich bin ein Minneapolitaner.” We just hope that we don’t have to publish future columns repurposing “Ich bin ein. . .” and substituting Chicago, Philadelphia, Detroit, El Paso, Toledo, Pittsburgh or any other U.S. city for Minneapolis.

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