Instructions (Not Always) Included
Instructions (Not Always) Included
Some tasks require instructions; others do not.
If you’re assembling an 850-piece Lego set, or trying to find your way to a hotel in a strange city, or preparing to launch a nuclear strike against a foreign enemy, having a set of instructions handy is a good idea.
If, on the other hand, you’re simply trying to drive home from the office, or make toast, or shampoo your hair (“Lather, rinse, repeat” - really?), instructions are probably not necessary.
There is a classic “Following directions” test which has been administered by every single educator in North America during the past eighty years, at least once during their respective careers, which involves indicating that the test-taker is to read all directions carefully before doing anything; the final direction, usually about twenty or so steps deep, including increasingly ridiculous demands, reveals that the test-taker is to complete the first task only (usually, to simply write one’s name in the upper right-hand corner of the page). The teacher amuses himself by observing students flapping their arms like chickens, or loudly singing the Star Spangled Banner, or spinning around in a circle really fast, highlighting the fact that they have not, in fact, read all directions carefully before doing anything.
Don’t worry, Rule of Three’s intention is not to have you dancing around your kitchen, or translating the Declaration of Independence into Latin, or attempting to make toast without the benefit of detailed instructions - no, that would be ridiculous. But, if you end up marching down the street, dressed in a tuxedo, and carrying a sign proclaiming, “I floss daily!” you have no one but yourself to blame, and your inability to follow clear directions.
I recall a scenario from years ago, in which I fell victim to that very lack of attention to detail. My wife and I were assembling a large plastic Sesame Street playhouse for my son’s second birthday, a structure large enough that a child could enter and play inside. As we were working our way through the detailed assembly steps, including (no doubt) helpful images, we came across a single sheet of paper, which was labeled, “Addendum to Step #11. At the time of discovery, we had just completed Step #36. I don’t remember the exact steps we took to backtrack to Step #11, and perform the correct assembly steps - my usual response to such challenges is to take an inordinate amount of time to swear loudly and profanely at the injustice of it all, which may not necessarily solve the immediate issue, but serves to assuage my discomfort.
A guy who apparently took instructions very seriously was H. Jackson Brown Jr., who published Life’s Little Instruction Book, a New York Times bestseller in 1991, followed by two additional editions. All told, his set of instructions included 1,532 specific instructions. Many of these bits of advice resonate with us here at Rule of Three, including:
#1 - “Compliment three people every day” - while we admire the sentiment (and the numerical nod to Rule of Three, owing to the ineptness of those with whom we interact each day, we struggle to identify even one person who rightfully earns a compliment.
#21 - “Learn three clean jokes” - again, thanks H., for the shoutout - how many dirty jokes should we have tucked away in our quiver?
#34 - “Learn to identify the music of Chopin, Mozart, and Beethoven” - nice deployment of Rule of Three pacing here, and it’s tough to argue with these simple, yet elegant musical choices - perhaps you would consider adding: Steely Dan, Billy Joel, and Rickie Lee Jones to the mix?
#44 and #45 - “Show respect for teachers” and “Show respect for police officers and firefighters” - our helpful editing advice would be to combine these two into one - we hate to be “that guy” but, studies have shown that things related in groups of three are simply more humorous, satisfying, or effective.
#59 - “Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you” - right! That’s all we’re saying. . .
#62 - “Use your wit to amuse, not abuse” - we’ve stepped away briefly from the (no doubt) tiresome Rule of Three drum that we’ve been banging here to embrace our very own Rule No. 3 (“Amuse yourself”) - we couldn’t have said it any better.
We may be biased, but we believe there's no better way to amuse (yourself) than to subscribe to Rule of Three. Simply click the button here to subscribe now to Rule of Three - it's free! #66 - “Don’t make the same mistake twice” - we started to offer a different number for the final word in this advice soundbite, but, then we realized how ridiculous “Don’t make the same mistake thrice” sounds.
#81 - “Avoid sarcastic remarks” - hey, whoa there, H.! There’s no need for name-calling here - sarcasm has a clear, and honored place in our society.
#89 - “Recycle old newspapers, bottles, and cans” - not just solid advice for all of us, but also quite humorous, satisfying, and effective.
#113 - “Learn to identify local wildflowers, birds, and trees” - oh, don’t play coy - you know why this one struck a chord with us.
#118 - “Don’t buy expensive wine, luggage, or watches” - I don’t know if H. has suggested that we should “buy local” anywhere in his lists, but, if I owned the local “Wine, Luggage and Watch” store, I’d be a little miffed at his advice here.
#151 - “Get acquainted with a good lawyer, accountant, and plumber” - that way, when the plumber charges you $180 simply to make a house call, you can ask the accountant how you can legally deduct the $800 you’ve paid the lawyer to sue the plumber.
#158 - “Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage” - if he was going for a Wizard of Oz thing here, I think H. bungled it - the Tin Man was in search of a heart.
#175 - “Give people a second chance, but not a third” - this one clearly violates the spirit of what we at Rule of Three stand for - can we amend this to allow a third chance, but put a hard stop on a fourth?
#227 - “Resist giving advice concerning matrimony, finances, or hair styles” - wait, isn’t this bit of advice the very thing you are suggesting that we not do?
#257 - “Never ask a lawyer or accountant for business advice. They are trained to find problems, not solutions” - like suing a plumber for charging $180 simply to make a house call, right?
#260 - “Every day show your family how much you love them with your words, with your touch, and with your thoughtfulness” - and, at the risk of violating our own inviolable rule of three, might we add, with your checkbook.
#271 - “When facing a difficult task, act as though it is impossible to fail. If you're going after Moby Dick, take along the tartar sauce” - I know this one doesn’t even mention the number three, but, we found it to be cloyingly sweet, and wanted to single it out for well-deserved criticism.
#272 - “Change air conditioner filters every three months” - ah, yes, back on track.
#304 - “Judge your success by the degree that you're enjoying peace, health, and love” - if H. is attempting to launch a scented candle business with this one, he left out a couple of components.
#312 - “When tempted to criticize your parents, spouse, or children, bite your tongue” - but, lawyers and accountants are fair game, apparently.
#350 - “Remember the three most important things when buying a home: location, location, location” - so, realtors are wasting their time detailing all that needless information about a house for sale, such as: number of bedrooms, number of bathrooms, square footage, property taxes, and year built?
#366 - “Don't flush urinals with your hand—use your elbow” - alright, this one’s just weird - I get that some people are certified germaphobes, but, I’m not convinced that this advice merits consideration amongst the top 1,532 instructions included in the three editions, the first of which is subtitled, “511 Suggestions, Observations, and Reminders on How to Live a Happy and Rewarding Life.”
#383 - “Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect” - now, let’s not be so quick to dismiss the “3 P’s” - yes, relationships are very important, but living a full life means striking a balance. . .including acquiring stuff, establishing a position of power, and earning respect.
#387 - “Wear expensive shoes, belts, and ties, but buy them on sale” - kind of an oxymoron, don’t you think? If you’re buying them on sale, are they truly expensive? Perhaps they are high-quality, and expensive-looking, but, I would argue that they’re not expensive, ipso facto (you were wondering when I would find the chance to display my expansive knowledge of Latin, weren’t you?).
#394 - “When faced with a serious health problem, get at least three medical opinions” - I believe this same axiom should be extended to plumbing problems - then, perhaps, you might save yourself the aggravation of that pesky lawsuit.
#414 - “After experiencing inferior service, food, or products, bring it to the attention of the person in charge. Good managers will appreciate knowing” - the risk you take is having a food server spit in your food, but that’s a chance you must be willing to take.
#417 and #418 and #419 - “Read to your children” and “Sing to your children” and “Listen to your children” - another trio which should have been combined for maximum effect - wait, isn’t this from a Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song?
#436 - “Have some knowledge of three religions other than your own” - it doesn’t hurt to cover your bases - it’s kind of like placing a “corner/square bet” with your poker chip at the roulette table at a casino, in which you bet on four numbers simultaneously with one poker chip.
#446 - “Change your car's oil and filter every three thousand miles regardless of what the owner's manual recommends” - yeah, what do the auto manufacturers know that I don’t know better?
#453 - “Keep a note pad and pencil on your bedside table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 A.M.” - he could have said 2 A.M., or 4 A.M., but he didn’t - no, this is further evidence that “3” is a powerful number.
#457 - “Attend your children's athletic contests, plays, and recitals” - particularly if your son is appearing as the “Main Bunny” (homage to a classic The Dick Van Dyke Show episode).
#463 - “Never admit at work that you're tired, angry, or bored” - I suppose it’s OK if you’re Bashful, Sneezy, or Doc, however.
Boy, it’s remarkable how closely Mr. Brown’s instructions align with Rule of Three’s mantra. And, this is based upon a review of the first edition’s words of wisdom alone. It’s truly heartwarming to experience this sense of validation.
Of course, Rule of Three’s instruction book would be a much thinner volume, consisting only of its main precepts:
Secure a beverage.
Don’t be a douchebag.
Amuse yourself.
(cue the mic-drop). . .
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