Me and Kareem and Glenn and Heather and Seymour and Samantha and Salman and Michael and Melvin and Gail and Many, Many More

An inside-out view of the Substack ecosystem.

I’ve been publishing a weekly humor column, hosted by Substack, for over three years now.

Substack is fond of calling these products “newsletters,” which sounds a bit amateurish to me. I am a (harrumph!) columnist, not a newsletter editor, which smacks of a twelve-year-old kid distributing mimeographed flyers door-to-door around the neighborhood.

That’s one of very few disagreements I have with my host, whom I believe has created a user-friendly, accessible tool for laypeople to publish their creative output.

When it comes to laypeople, I am a true poster child; as I began publishing Rule of Three, I was neither a professional writer, nor a professional headline writer, nor a professional artist qualified to create a brand logo. But, I have performed all of these tasks, with the helpful assistance of Substack.

Let me be clear - I haven’t been engaged by Substack to prepare a promotional piece touting their platform. No, I’m not a corporate shill of “Big Writing” (Geez, that sounded a lot better in my head, but seeing it here in print, I realize that it doesn’t resonate like, “Big Oil,” or “Big Pharma,” or “Big Cheese.” I know “Big Cheese” isn’t a name typically used to describe the major powers in consumer cheese marketing, such as, “Kraft,” “Sargento,” and “Velveeta,” but, it should be.

Rather, as a humor column (not a newsletter!), Rule of Three intends to conduct extremely superficial research, with the express purpose of poking fun.

So, on to the festivities. . .

Substack’s website is headlined, “Building a new economic engine for culture,” and goes on to suggest that, “We started Substack because we believe that what you read matters and that good writing is valuable. . .”

Amen, brother!

Also included on Substack’s homepage is an endorsement soundbite from someone named Ted Gioia, who is credited with over 56,000 subscribers. Wait, what? Can we talk, Ted? Rule of Three’s subscriber numbers are, to paraphrase in the tone of Bob Uecker’s announcer character in the movie Major League, “just a bit lower than Ted’s.”

I visited Gioia’s column, which is entitled, “The Honest Broker,” in order to determine why more than 56,000 people decided they had to read it. In Gioia’s own words, “The Honest Broker will offer in-depth coverage of music, books, and culture—with a mix of longform essays, reviews, commentary, links, observations, and amusements.” In contrast, Rule of Three’s landing-page headline is, “The Rule of Three is a writing principle that suggests that a trio of events or characters is more humorous, satisfying, or effective than other numbers.” We might just as well have said, “We’re gonna’ publish whatever the hell we want, whether you like it or not.” I know, right? I’m as puzzled as you are as to why The Honest Broker is knocking it out of the park, and we here at Rule of Three are struggling to gain traction - waiting tables, selling blood, and turning tricks just to survive (I’m talking about performing magic tricks at kids’ birthday parties - what did you think I was talking about?)

Intrigued by Gioia’s tease, I sampled a few The Honest Broker columns. I read about his obsession with Gumby, an essay about an author who had written about Dolly Parton and Richard Pryor, and a piece about a new CEO who orchestrated an impressive turnaround of Barnes & Noble. I concluded that Gioia’s writing was indeed worth reading. The Honest Broker is no Rule of Three, but, it does constitute an enjoyable reading experience. Ted’s subscriber base has now climbed to more than 56,001 people.

Substack claims more than one million paid subscribers, and more than thirty million monthly website visitors, featuring, as it does, “tens of thousands of writers,” all publishing their content in twenty-seven different categories. The site also helpfully provides readers with “Recommendations,” and “Staff Picks,” the latter category idea having been lifted from Blockbuster video stores - remember getting movie rental advice from the pimply-faced kid behind the counter at Blockbuster?

Among the writers who have gravitated to Substack are: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Glenn Greenwald, Heather Cox-Richardson, Seymour Hersh, Samantha Bee and Salman Rushdie. Now, I haven’t bumped into these guys at the annual company picnic, or while making copies in the office, or while grabbing a taco from the food truck out front, because Substack, like many companies in the last few years, has embraced the work-from-home (WFH) ethos, and has allowed us to practice our craft remotely.

That said, however, I want those guys to know that I consider them to be trusted colleagues, and if any one of them wanted to sell me their kid’s fundraiser chocolates, or go in on a retirement gift for one of the other guys, or partner with them in the three-legged race at the annual company picnic, I’m all in!

Many of these columns are imaginatively-named, such as: Both are True, The End of My Career, Is Anyone Listening? The Grudge Report, Seeing Things, In Need of Attention, and Pretend You’re Good at It.

There is also a search function on the site. After first searching for “rule of three,” and being delighted that Rule of Three was the first choice delivered, I turned to the topic of “AI,” a definite hot-button these days. The first item was a piece by Marc Andreesen, entitled “AI Will Save the World;” whew! I feel better now. Although, one must wonder if that piece was actually written by Andreesen, or if it was composed, utilizing AI - kinda’ blows your mind, doesn’t it?

One of my dedicated readers, whom I will call “Mike” (because, that’s his name) appears to be very interested in the topic of monkeys. Performing a search on Substack’s site for “monkeys” reveals a severe lack of content devoted to this important topic. Why my Substack colleagues have so plainly ignored coverage of this critical issue is beyond me; perhaps they’re simply too busy hawking their kids’ fundraiser chocolates. I firmly believe, Mike, that someone, somewhere, will eventually identify the “monkey gap” in global reporting, and resolve to remedy the problem - who knows, perhaps Matt Damon will decide that it’s a cause worth hoisting the banner, and, finally earn that guest spot on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

I was also attracted to Abdul-Jabbar’s column (I’m certain that he also objects to use of the term “newsletter,” because, you know, he’s not a twelve-year-old kid distributing mimeographed flyers door-to-door around the neighborhood.), as he has written several books, and seems to be a thoughtful, curious, and interesting guy. Kareem’s column appears to publish a couple of times per week, and includes quotes, videos, and other multimedia components in his column. Kareem retired from the NBA as the all-time leader in points scored, with 38,387 points (since eclipsed by LeBron James), and, solid competitor that he is, seems to be chasing a similar word-count record within the Substack community.

Given the “tens of thousands of writers,” all publishing their content in twenty-seven different categories, many of them on a weekly cycle like me, there is a plethora of content contained within the Substack bucket, available for your reading (and, in some cases, viewing or listening) pleasure. And, I hear that there are other competing platforms which likely provide a similar treasure-trove of stuff to consume. So much content, so little time.

I have barely scratched the surface of the products offered up by Substack. A couple of columns which have attracted my attention (and, my subscription) include:

Take a peek at these three, and subscribe, if you like - I have been consistently entertained by their work.

And, if I may speak on behalf of me and Kareem and Glenn and Heather and Seymour and Samantha and Salman and Michael and Melvin and Gail and many, many more, we appreciate your patronage - thanks for subscribing, or just for reading. We also appreciate your feedback, whether it’s clicking the “like” button or offering comments at the bottom of the column - it lets us know you’re out there. Even for the layperson, who is neither a professional writer, nor a professional headline writer, nor a professional artist qualified to create a brand logo.

I may not be a professional writer, but I have an ego, just like the professional writer.  And, growing Rule of Three's subscriber base helps to stroke that ego - simply click the button here to subscribe now - it's free!