'Santa Baby' Reflects a Loss of Innocence
Performing artists who record 'Santa Baby' are making a conscious decision.
As the Christmas holiday is well underway by now (that is, it’s after August 1st on the calendar), you’ve likely already begun to hear Christmas songs flooding your audio outlets, whether it’s Spotify, Pandora, Sirius XM, or even old-fashioned AM/FM radio. And, no doubt you’ve already heard “Santa Baby” more times than you’d like, because the Christmas song rotation includes only about four songs, I believe, to be played over and over.
The question is, however, which version of “Santa Baby” have you heard? The gold standard is Eartha Kitt’s 1953 version, of course (including the classic “baboom, baboom” from the backup singers), but, on occasion, music programmers will toss Madonna’s cut into the mix, and I just the other day encountered Taylor Swift taking a run at it.
“Santa Baby” was crafted as a sultry, sexy and suggestive (this week’s column writer’s symposium suggested the use of more alliteration - how’d I do?) song, clearly positioning the performer as a sultry, sexy and suggestive singer.
But, performers don’t burst onto the scene that way. To my mind, there is a progression, with innocence on one end of the scale, and sultry, sexy and suggestive on the other.
In the context of Christmas songs, the innocent end of the scale might be defined by a song entitled, “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” first performed by a ten-year-old named Gayla Peevey in 1953, ironically during the same year that Eartha Kitt sang “Santa Baby” - hmm. . .
Another Christmas song portrayed as light-hearted is, “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” This song was first recorded in 1952 (man, what was it about the early 1950’s and Christmas songs?), but you’re likely most familiar with The Jackson 5’s version of it, with young Michael Jackson belting out the popular lyrics. Come to think of it, that song might not be the innocent holiday song everyone imagines - I mean, it sort of hints at infidelity, no?
But, how about “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t be Late)”? As you know, that song features the Chipmunks (Simon, Theodore and Alvin) chirping about their eagerness for Christmas to arrive. Alvin, all he wants for Christmas is a hula hoop (it was 1958, after all) - ah, so innocent. . .although I’m struggling with the image of a small rodent mastering the necessary torque to propel a hula hoop - I mean, I can’t do it, and I’m a full-grown man, with motor skills and a decent-sized brain.
And, you can’t get any more innocent that Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang. Vince Guaraldi gifted us with “Linus and Lucy,” among other holiday favorites. The video clip for “Linus and Lucy,” lifted from the beloved Charlie Brown Christmas TV special features Schroeder banging away at the piano; Pigpen spreading dust everywhere, as he slaps the upright bass; Snoopy jamming on the guitar; Linus dancing in front of Charlie Brown’s sister, Sally, while twirling his blanket; those two weird identical twin girls, in purple dresses, tossing their heads back and forth; another boy who appears to be mimicking sleepwalking in his dance moves; and a boy whose dance vibe consists of him shrugging his shoulders the entire time. Truly, a timeless classic. And, it reflects the innocence of youth.
Let’s move to the other end of the spectrum - you know, the sultry, sexy and suggestive side. I refuse to include the well-known “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” in our discussion, because the MeToo movement rendered it completely unacceptable. But, who has picked up the “Santa Baby” gauntlet since Eartha Kitt launched it in 1953?
According to secondhandsongs.com, there have been 353 distinct recordings of “Santa Baby,” plus 45 instrumental versions (I don’t know, I think sans lyrics the song loses some of its appeal) and 4 international versions, one recorded in Icelandic - yes, I sampled the Icelandic version, and it was quite good actually, although perhaps a bit too perky.
Some of the singers who have covered the song over the years have included: Ariana Grande (with Liz Gillies), Macy Gray, LeAnn Rimes, The Pussycat Dolls, Kellie Pickler, Maria Muldaur, Colbie Caillat, Rita Coolidge, Ashanti, Kylie Minogue, Gwen Stefani, Trisha Yearwood and Kelly Clarkson - way too many country singers in this mix, if you ask me.
And, as I suggested at the outset, Madonna recorded it some years ago. Did Madonna really need “Santa Baby” to plant her flag in the “bad girl” pantheon? After all, she had already recorded “Papa Don’t Preach,” and “Like a Virgin” (Like a virgin, not an actual virgin) and “Unapologetic Bitch” (yes, that’s the actual name of a song recorded by Madonna). I know I suggested that a performer doesn’t burst onto the scene as a sultry, sexy and suggestive character, but, I think Madonna might be the exception which proves the rule. Also, Madonna’s version of “Santa Baby” is a bit too cloying for me - she comes off like a bratty teenager (no offense to bratty teenagers - I’ve raised a few of them, and was one myself, years ago).
Some of the more curious incarnations of the song have been recorded by: Mae West, in 1966 (wait, she could sing?); Calista Flockhart, in 2000 (wait, she could sing?); Jane Krakowski, in 2001 (wait, she could sing?); Sally Kellerman, also in 2001 (now I know she couldn’t sing); Miss Piggy (yeah, she’s always been a sultry, sexy and suggestive Muppet); RuPaul (you know, the drag queen - okay. . .); Michael Buble (wait, what? That’s just wrong, man!); Cher (my objection to this one is simply one of timing - this version was recorded in 2023, which, if my math is good, means that Cher would have been 94 years old, no?);
I see that Taylor Swift’s version of “Santa Baby” dates back to 2007, when she was a mere youth of eighteen - that seems like a premature positioning step for Ms. Swift - I mean, come on, she’s not Madonna, for Chrissake! Also, this one is a bit too countrified for me. But, you do you. . .
Rule of Three toyed with entering the studio to record its own version of “Santa Baby,” but in the end decided that a 354th version would not be likely to add much value to the grand “Santa Baby” tradition. In spite of that, you didn’t think that we would leave you hanging here, without some play-off music? Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Eartha Kitt (whose Catwoman character on the old Batman series was also sultry, sexy and suggestive):
I know you're a bit disappointed not being able to sample a Rule of Three version of "Santa Baby," but, we're still clinging to our innocence - click here to subscribe now to the innocent, family-friendly fare that is Rule of Three - it's free, man!
Ctrl-F... "grandma got run over by a reindeer" >>no matches<<
[sighs, goes back to work]
I’m a fan of “Oi to the World” by No Doubt. Christmas isn’t complete without hearing “Oi to the punks, Oi to the skins, Oi to the world and everybody wins.”