The most recent edition of Shark Week was apparently conducted the week of July 11th - this weeklong set of TV programming on the Discovery Channel dates back to 1988, and has become quite popular - you know, because sharks can be terrifying.
But I think that a more intriguing bit of programming could be headlined, Snark Week, in which TV shows and movies featuring characters who unleash a steady stream of snark would be screened. Now, I should point out that the Rule of Three content management team performed exhaustive research into alternative programming suggestions, before landing on Snark Week. Options considered included:
“Park Week” - this programming block would have included TV shows and movies prominently featuring our local and national parks. But, other than Parks and Recreation, and Hitchcock’s, Vertigo, content options would have been pretty thin. And, I can make the case that Parks and Recreation would easily qualify for inclusion in Snark Week programming.
“Lark Week” - larks are birds, which are a subset of the finch family. Wikipedia’s details reflect: The family Alaudidae was introduced in 1825 by the Irish zoologist Nicholas Aylward Vigors as a subfamily Alaudina of the finch family Fringillidae.[2][3] Larks are a well-defined family, partly because of the shape of their tarsus.[4] They have multiple scutes on the hind side of their tarsi, rather than the single plate found in most songbirds. They also lack a pessulus, the bony central structure in the syrinx of songbirds.[5] I don’t know about you, but I was beginning to nod off just now, simply reading that description. Also, I’m leery of any bird sporting multiple scutes, not to mention the curious lack of a pessulus - that kinda’ freaks me out, even though I have no idea what it means. Hitchcock memorably created a landscape of terrorist birds, in his 1963 film, The Birds, but I think those menacing birds were crows, not larks - that’s a whole different kettle of fish, er. . .birds.
“Stark Week” - the team was legitimately excited by the prospect of Stark Week, in that running an endless loop of Ironman (as you know, Ironman’s alter-ego is billionaire Tony Stark) movies all week would have been awesome. In the end, however, we decided that an overdose of awesomeness would have wreaked havoc upon the U.S. economy, diverting national attention away from critical daily tasks such as: bathing, going to work, and shopping, the latter of which drives 70% of the economy; the first two tasks have been largely abandoned since March, 2020, but shopping has not fallen one bit - thanks, Amazon!
Having settled on the Snark Week solution, we next turned our attention to which network or streaming channel is best equipped to manage that task? I think we can rule out Discovery Channel, unless the show in question is a documentary on the development of snarky characters in TV shows (and, I gotta’ tell you, even though I am a fan of documentaries, that one sounds really boring). Hmm, how about Amazon Prime? I’m not sure that this would be their cup of tea, either. Although, Amazon’s founder, Jeff Bezos certainly inspired a ton of snarky comments regarding his recent eleven-minute foray into space, mostly targeting the strangely-phallic shape of his spaceship, and his curious deployment of a cowboy hat in media interviews.
An obvious choice is Comedy Central, which has included in its programming stable such snark-filled fare as, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, South Park, Tosh.O, and Chappelle’s Show. In fact, these shows clearly are candidates for inclusion in the inaugural programming lineup for Snark Week. What other shows should be considered, as the lineup is compiled? Herewith are some suggestions:
Curb Your Enthusiasm - this show, created by Larry David, who co-created Seinfeld, is an obvious choice for inclusion. Larry’s trademark, “Let me ask you a question” conversation-starter typically opened the door for a stream of snarky consciousness (by the way, “Stream of Snarky Consciousness,” would be a great name for a band, would it not? When searching for an image representing “snarky” on Yahoo (so I still use the Yahoo search engine - sue me!) most of the options are pictures of a band named, “Snarky Puppy,” which the guy who sold me a bass guitar at Guitar Center earlier this year heavily promoted to me - their music is cool, although I haven’t yet mastered the bass lines they lay down in their songs).
Seinfeld - hey, what is this, a Larry David festival? Of course, Jerry Seinfeld was also a key contributor to the success of this show. Snark was omnipresent during this show’s nine-season run on NBC - they are on the team for sure.
Friends - also an NBC sitcom, beginning in the mid-1990’s, logging ten seasons. Could this show be any snarkier? (shoutout to the Chandler Bing character).
Two and a Half Men - I know Charlie Sheen didn’t write this material, but, if you’re looking for a “King of Snark” (also a great name for a band), look no further than Charlie Sheen. This show is proof that NBC hasn’t owned the franchise on snarky TV shows, as this one originally ran for twelve years on CBS.
Big Bang Theory - another twelve-season runner on CBS, this one featured the unforgettable character, Sheldon Cooper, which inspired the “prequel” series, “Young Sheldon,” which I’m sure didn’t do as well as Big Bang Theory, because the immutable truth that sequels never do as well as the original also applies to prequels.
Schitt’s Creek - developed by Eugene Levy and his son Dan (you know, the Canadian guys with the massive eyebrows), this offbeat comedy ran for six seasons - they really are throwing out the first snark with the title of the show.
Family Guy - A Seth McFarlane creation, airing on Fox Broadcasting, now in its nineteenth (!) year - Seth voices Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, and Stewie Griffin - each spewing more snark than the others (although that is really not statistically possible - perhaps I’m guilty of hyperbole).
Ted - this hilarious movie about a foul-mouthed, party-animal, teddy-bear, was also created by Seth McFarlane, and certainly checks all the boxes on the “Snark Intake Form” (you guessed it, another great name for a band). Plus, the bear uses the same voice as Peter Griffin as he engages in various hijinks.
Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously said, in 1964, “'I shall not today attempt . . . to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within [that definition]. . . But I know it when I see it. . .” Of course Stewart was weighing-in on an obscenity case, but I think it equally applies to snark: it’s difficult to define snark, but we recognize it when we see it.
By now, you’re noticing, as I have, that snark is funny; and, it has real staying-power on TV. So what if it’s mean-spirited? Rule No. 3, my friends. . . I’m sure you can identify many more snarky TV shows and movies than I have listed here - feel free to forward your suggestions to me - I will provide them to Comedy Central. Then, all you and I have to do is sit back and enjoy the fun and frivolity that is Snark Week!