Certain words go together like, well, peanut butter and jelly. Think about “impending doom,” or “impending marriage” (I know what you’re thinking: you believe I’m trying to draw some clever connection between these two, distinctly different experiences, in the interest of satisfying some Rule No. 3 need I possess, but it’s simply not true; when you consider use of the word, “impending,” inevitably you’re going to connect it with either, “doom,” or “marriage” - I’ve no idea why those are the two logical connections with “impending,” and I’m not willing to offer an explanation. . .upon the advice of legal counsel).
But, this example causes me to consider the implications of turning such common phrases on their heads, yielding new, and perhaps, amusing phrases in their own right. Plus, I believe such inventions are likely to be “great names for a band.”
Before we embark upon this exciting evidentiary adventure, can we agree that “Strange Bedfellows” would itself be a great name for a band?
Alright, let the games begin:
Impending doom (or, marriage) - how about, “Impending Serendipity?” Kinda’ makes you think, huh?
Eminent domain (or, professor) - applying the word, “eminent” to these two very different things significantly changes the meaning conveyed: eminent domain means, “the right of a government or its agent to expropriate (another quite valuable ten-dollar word, which I reserve the right to deploy later, if necessary) private property for public use, with payment of compensation;” and, an eminent professor is one who is “above others in rank, merit, or reputation.” Hmm. . .I’m thinking that this band’s name should be, “Eminent Recluse,” or, turning the heat up even higher, “Preeminent Recluse,” because, you know, a recluse is usually unknown. Upon reflection, those names seem more appropriate for a new genus of spider.
Organized religion - set aside for a moment the fact that many religions can be quite disorganized - my alternative recommendation here is, “Preaching to the Agnostics.”
Good Samaritans - how about, “Bona Fide Charlatans?” I’d definitely go see those guys in concert.
Unruly Mob - a nice counterpoint to this one might be, “Polite Gangsters.”
Quick Fix - as a longtime homeowner, in my experience with contractors, a quick fix is seldom achieved; the more typical outcome is, “An Overpriced Temporary Solution,” which usually requires a return visit to correct the correction, or, more likely, turning to a second contractor to perhaps repair the first contractor’s improper solution.
Clever Disguise - a clever disguise is one which effectively conceals one’s identity; a “Fake Moustache” is rarely recognized as effective.
Immaculate Reception - this one is dedicated to my fellow Pittsburghers, and memorializes Franco Harris’ implausible, ricochet catch of a Terry Bradshaw pass in a 1972 AFC Divisional playoff game, which propelled the Steelers into the AFC Championship game against the Miami Dolphins - a catch which the NFL has dubbed the greatest play of all time. But, what if Harris had not been positioned to snag the football out of the air? Then, the play would have been deemed, “Just Another Incomplete Pass” - any number of country & western performers could record that hit song.
Does this exercise seem to you to be simply a game of Mad Libs? (Ed. note: Those readers who did not grow up in the 1970’s should ask their parents or grandparents about Mad Libs - it passed for a hilarious bit of tomfoolery to a group of twelve-year-old kids gathered together back then.) It does to me too.
Allow me to close with this: “There was a insert personal pronoun here, who attempted to insert action verb here, but, after investing a significant amount of time and energy in the effort, insert a different past-tense action verb here, plus an adjective modifier, subjecting others around him to a insert a noun here, plus an adjective modifier.
My personal Mad Libs solution to the above exercise: “There was an award-winning columnist, who attempted to craft an engaging, whimsical, and entertaining piece, designed to amuse his dedicated readers, but after investing a significant amount of time and energy in the effort, failed miserably, subjecting others around him to a quite painful experience.
See, Mad Libs can be a hilarious bit of tomfoolery, even to those of us who are no longer twelve-years-old. Feel free to take a crack at completing the Mad Lib yourself; perhaps you will be more successful than I was.
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I love messing with words,too. And the English language is filled with contradictions. Consider, please:
Found missing
Open secret
Small crowd
Act naturally
Clearly misunderstood
Seriously funny
Only choice
Liquid gas
Working holiday
And the newest and mother-of-all:
SOCIAL DISTANCING