Taylor Swift is a Cultural Icon

I'm really not familiar with her music.

I’m not a “Swiftie.” My musical frame of reference ends somewhere around Huey Lewis & The News, which, for those of you keeping score at home, happened a long time ago, like back in the 1980’s. So, I think I can be excused for not keeping abreast of current musical trends.

Although, let the record reflect, I am well aware of Taylor Swift, and her outsize impact on the current zeitgeist; I think I even saw her pictured in a stadium suite while I watched an NFL game.

So, in the interest of embracing pop culture trends (Wikipedia calls it “shiny object syndrome” (“SOS”)), and attempting to leverage them for our own nefarious benefit, Rule of Three has determined that it makes sense to peruse Ms. Swift’s musical catalog, and provide commentary which will enable fellow “Huey Lewis & the News” travelers to better understand the world in which we live.

And, what a catalog she has developed. According to thethings.com, Taylor has written a total of 252 songs (124 of which she created by herself, without a collaborator). She wrote her first song at the tender age of twelve, and released her first album when she was 16. And, she’s now just thirty-five years old!

A hallmark of Taylor’s songwriting has been recounting stories from her love life, including past boyfriends - you’ve been warned, Travis Kelce!

An examination of the statistics reveals that there are sixteen song titles which begin with the word “I,” plus a song entitled “Me,” and another entitled “Mine.” By contrast there are only eight songs which begin with the word “you” or “you’re.” What conclusions can we draw from these findings? Is Taylor hyper-focused on herself?

I don’t think so, inasmuch as several of the “you” and “you’re” songs appear to offer advice to another - consider: “You Belong with Me,” or “You Need to Calm Down,” or “You’re Not Sorry,” or “You’re on Your Own, Kid.”

And, many of the “I” songs also seem to speak directly to another - examples include: “I Bet You Think About Me,” and “I Can See You,” and “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can),” and “I Forgot That You Existed,” and “I Knew You Were Trouble,” and “I Want You Back,” and “I Wish You Would.” Also, I need advice regarding what to do with “I Look in People’s Windows” - this one seems to be a confession of sorts - perhaps I should forward this evidence to the authorities?

Some of the song titles cause me to consider the true authorship of the song in question. For example, isn’t “All of the Girls You Loved Before” reminiscent of the 1984 collaboration between Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias, which gifted us with “To
All the Girls I’ve Loved Before?” And, wasn’t “Babe” a hit by Styx in the late 1970’s (you know, even before Huey Lewis hit it big, assuming, of course, that the song is not instead a reference to the eponymous pig in the 1995 film Babe, in which case the plagiarism suit must be amended)? And I know I’ve heard “Bette Davis Eyes” before Taylor Swift got her hands on it. Then there’s “Breathe” - anybody remember Faith Hill? And, c’mon. . .”Message in a Bottle?” Hello? the Police? Taylor was certainly craftier with “Our Song” - dropping the “Y” from Elton John’s “Your Song” - well-played, Ms. Swift, well-played. But, not so much with “Renegade” - Taylor, why are you raiding Styx’s catalog of hits?

Other songs in Taylor’s catalog bear explanation, I believe. For example, what day is Taylor referring to in “The Best Day?” For me, I would list my wedding day, the birthdays of my three children and that day I received a notice from the State of Illinois congratulating me on five straight years of driving without receiving a citation as options. But, to my knowledge she’s never experienced any of those things. Perhaps she’s experienced other memorable things.

And, “Better Man” - even at her relatively young age, she’s cycled through a significant number of boyfriends; thethings.com (really, was the domain name taylorswift.com not available?) pegs the number at twelve “high profile” boyfriends, and the site includes a chart complete with purported dates of the relationship. So, which one is the “Better Man” she sought? Or, is he still out there? And, how many “low profile” boyfriends have there been?

I think one of my favorite Taylor Swift song titles is “Cardigan;” you just gotta’ love a song about an ordinary article of clothing. Another favorite is “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” - au courant and meme-worthy. . .

And, I can certainly empathize with Taylor on “Champagne Problems” - I never put an eye out attempting to open a bottle of Champagne, but that wire contraption affixed to the bottle can be quite a challenge - even McGyver might’ve struggled with that.

I feel her pain on “Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus” - I’ve never been very good at remembering names either.

“Florida!!!” was likely a rallying cry for a spring break road trip, given that she affixed not just one, not 2, but 3 exclamation points to the song title.

Here’s an amusing one: “Fresh Out the Slammer.” Taylor has traveled through different musical genres, starting her career as a full-on Country music performer, and evolving into a more “Top 40” artist. Now, as I have indicated, I don’t know thing one about her actual music, but this title evokes a hip-hop ethos, which I struggle to connect to Taylor’s persona. It’s akin to casting Steve Buscemi as a romantic lead in a film. . .

I wonder which one of the twelve “high profile” boyfriends Taylor had in mind when she wrote “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived?” Ouch!

As for “Teardrops on My Guitar,” perhaps the late George Harrison (composer of the Beatles hit “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”) could have offered Taylor advice regarding how to restore the shine to the instrument after the tearful incident - perhaps Pledge?

And, “Tim McGraw?” I think that’s literally a guy’s name. You know, Faith Hill’s husband; Tug McGraw’s son; and I think he’s a Country music star also. Now, I didn’t note Tim’s name on Taylor’s list of twelve “high profile” boyfriends, but. . .

Taylor suggests in another song title that “Two Is Better Than One;” the editing team here at Rule of Three has fixed it for her: “Three Is Better Than Both One and Two.”

Any guesses as to which one of these two songs came first: “We Were Happy” and “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together?”

If it doesn’t exist yet, there should be a parlor game tied to guessing which former “high profile” boyfriend is referred to in a particular Taylor Swift song - call it the “Carly Simon ‘You’re So Vain’ Game.”

As for our pal, Travis Kelce, some potential future song titles might include: “Watching the Game From Your Mom’s Suite” and “You Dropped That Four-Yard Touchdown Pass from Mahomes” and “Football Players Who Lack a Sense of Rhythm Don’t Belong on Stage.”

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