Texting to English Dictionary

A guide to understanding the abbreviation-driven language of texting.

Texting “conversations” (the word, conversations, is placed in quotation marks because Rule of Three doesn’t recognize texting as a form of actual conversation) typically feature cryptic, indecipherable abbreviations which would have been quite useful during the Cold War, when spies delivered encrypted messages, in order to prevent the enemy from learning its plans.

But, lest you think that Rule of Three is a tired, old curmudgeon who disdains all new forms of technology, and yells at kids to “Get off my lawn” (to clarify, Rule of Three is a tired, old curmudgeon, but not the kind who disdains all new forms of technology, and yells at kids to “Get off my lawn.”), allow us to indicate that we do, in fact, utilize texting on occasion, including to: coordinate airport pickups; receive requests to stop at the grocery store to pick up a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread; and to arrange for drug purchases (I’m not talking about scoring meth - I’m talking about picking up prescriptions at the drug store - jeez. . .).

As a public service, this week’s Rule of Three column will provide definitions of some of the most commonly-used abbreviations in texting activities. And, to avoid the confusion experienced by the hapless “Mom” in the graphic atop this column, we will first provide the erroneous definition, before setting the record straight with the proper solution.

Yourdictionary.com (I know, it’s not the Oxford English Dictionary, or the Merriam-Webster Dictionary or the Cambridge Dictionary, but it seemed to have its finger on the pulse of texting abbreviations more than those three tired, old curmudgeonly volumes) reflects two hundred ninety five such abbreviations. In the interest of brevity, we’ll focus only on those which provide the greatest opportunity of which to make fun (“LHF,” the so-called “low-hanging fruit,” not “litigation-happy friends”).

Settle in, friends (hopefully, not litigation-happy) - class begins now:

• “BRB” - you might think this is an abbreviation for “broken rear brakes,” but, no, it actually stands in for “be right back.”

• “CUL8R” - there is a whole family of “CU” abbreviations, including: “CU,” CUA,” “CUL,” “CUL8R,” “CYA” and “CYAL8R.” Perhaps these abbreviations are intuitive, but some people have misinterpreted “CUL8R” to mean “crate up lemurs eight ring-tails” (the ring-tailed lemur is a real animal, right?). The actual definition is “see you later.” I think “CUL8R” would also fit quite nicely on a vanity license plate - there are likely fifty of them out there already on highways in the United States.

• “FWIW” - I know, like you, I initially thought that this abbreviation stood for “finding wombats in Wisconsin,” but to my surprise it actually means “for what it’s worth.”

• “G2G” - I’m sure that “Mom” in the above graphic believes this one to be “Golly, two gorillas,” while entertaining her grandchildren at the zoo, but yourdictionary.com tells us that it’s intended to advise the other party to the “conversation” that one has “got to go.”

• “HAV” - this one appeared to me to be a shoutout to bad guys everywhere - “hail all villains,” but, no, apparently it’s shorthand for, get this: “have.” Well, that’s just dropping the “e” off the end of the word - how lazy are you texters, anyway?

• “HAND” - I thought to myself (and, later on, with you), how convenient to have a quick shorthand to check in on loved ones: “How are nieces doing?” but, it appears that’s not what it stands for. It is still a positive sentiment however: “have a nice day.”

• “IDK” - my initial thought was that this is a tidy way to describe an unusual animal - you know, “iridescent dappled kangaroo,” but it’s not. Instead, it stands-in for “I don’t know.”

• “ICYMI” - yummy! “ice cream you might indulge.” What’s that? It stands for something else? “in case you missed it?” Well, okay, I guess that’s helpful too.

• “IMHO” - as more states legalize marijuana use, this abbreviation becomes less meaningful: “illicit marijuana horticulture operation.” Also, some texters use this abbreviation to offer advice: “in my humble opinion.”

• “JK” - an exotic culinary delight - sort of a mashup of Middle Eastern and redneck southern cuisine: “jerky kebabs” - mmm. . .or, if you prefer, “just kidding.”

• “LMAO” - being a member of this fraternity, I welcome the accolades: “large men are outstanding.” Although, yourdictionary.com indicates that this is shorthand for “laughing my ass off.” (those texters among you who wish to further “4-letter-wordify” your shorthand can insert an “F” as appropriate).

• “MIRL” - everybody talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it. This shorthand should be intended to seek it to “make it rain lightly,” in order to assist farmers in their efforts. Or, it could be a prompt to “meet in real life” - that’s a far scarier proposition than seeking to control the weather.

• “NVR” - although this one sounds like an acronym for an old video device, perhaps it’s shorthand for “no votes recounted” - let’s hope that we take this advice to heart as we march through the 2024 election season. As it turns out, however, “NVR” means “never” - what is it with texters and their disdain for the use of “E’s?” Is that key broken on their keyboard?

• “NBD” - no, it’s not a reference to National Bank of Detroit, which was founded in 1933, and was ultimately absorbed by First National Bank of Chicago, and then, Bank One, essentially doing away with NBD. Nor, is it intended as an outcry against poor working conditions in South African diamond mines (“never buy diamonds”). Rather, this abbreviation is a virtual shrug of the shoulders (“no big deal”).

• “OMG” - this could be a useful tool for musicians around the world: “original music generator” - software designed to enhance the creative music development process - artificial intelligence for musicians. Texters deploy this as an expression of surprise, meaning as it does “oh my god.”

• “POS” - it’s true that most texting exchanges are pretty banal, but even texters can do without an abbreviation for “pair of socks.” This abbreviation is a word of caution to keep the conversation “PG-rated,” because there is a “parent over shoulder.”

• “PLMK” - a polite command to “please leave my kitchen” makes sense; the real definition does indeed include the word “please,” but the rest of it is “. . .let me know.” I know, I’m as surprised to discover politeness in texting “conversations” as you are, given the propensity to sprinkle 4-letter words throughout.

• “ROFL” - as there has been a slew of wacky laws passed in Florida recently, I believed this to be a call to arms to rise up against the tide: “rule out Florida legislation.” But, rather, this abbreviation stands for “rolling on the floor, laughing.”

• “SUP” - perhaps a bit of a motivational nudge, from the likes of Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar and Stephen Covey: “step up people.” This abbreviation actually derives from street culture, meaning: “what’s up?”

• “TTYL” - this one could align with Rule of Three’s philosophy: “three things yield laughs.” That is more instructive, to me, than “talk to you later.”

There, now you’re fully equipped to venture out into the world of texting “conversations.” And, feel free to “PLMK” in the comments section below if you believe we’ve mischaracterized any of these abbreviations, or you believe we’ve neglected some important ones, or if it’s still not clear to you what “WTF” stands for.

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