The following comedy routine may, or may not, be playing on an endless loop in my head - I’m not admitting anything (with apologies to the estates of Abbott and Costello, the architects of the classic, “Who’s on First” comedy routine):
Bud Abbott: Costello, I got us tickets to That concert Friday night at the arena.
Lou Costello: That’s awesome!
Bud Abbott: Yes, they are!
Lou Costello: Who is?
Bud Abbott: No, they’re not on the bill on Friday.
Lou Costello: Who is not on the bill on Friday?
Bud Abbott: That’s correct - now you got it.
Lou Costello: Got what? What are you talking about?
Bud Abbott: No, I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about That.
Lou Costello: That is the name of the band playing on Friday night?
Bud Abbott: Yep.
Lou Costello: Who?
Bud Abbott: Why do you keep jumping back to Who? They’re playing in San Francisco this weekend.
Lou Costello: Who is playing in San Francisco this weekend?
Bud Abbott: Right, those tickets were too pricey for us.
Lou Costello: (clearly frustrated) That is not relevant to this conversation.
Bud Abbott: That is the only thing I’m trying to talk to you about now.
(This exchange, if allowed, could continue for a painfully long time, but you get the idea). . .
Ed. note: This bit would have been more ironic had there not been a band named, “The Who.” That muddied the waters a bit. And, don’t get me started on Muddy Waters!
If, like me, you hear or see something which amuses you (Rule No. 3), you might think, “Hmm, that would be a great name for a band.” Examples of such things which have struck me lately, include:
“That” - inspired by Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First” routine, and detailed in the transcript above - it’s comedy gold! Abbott and Costello, I mean, not my ridiculous adaptation.
“Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work” - I know we’ve been bombarded during the current pandemic with pleas to wash our hands constantly, but before this crisis, signs posted in the restrooms specifically targeted employees; hasn’t it always been a good idea for everyone using the restroom to wash his/her hands before exiting the restroom? And, the band’s introduction would also serve as a helpful public service announcement (PSA), reminding employees of the venue of the importance of this (hopefully) universal rule.
“Unmitigated Disaster” - a little dark, perhaps, but a prophetically accurate description of the music to be performed live, in some instances.
There have been some pretty wild band names developed over the years. Some of the most unusual band name origin stories upon which I have stumbled include:
“Lynyrd Skynyrd” - this popular southern rock band adopted the name of their high school gym teacher, Leonard Skinner, and twisted it in a strange, phonetic way. The names of my high school gym teachers weren’t that memorable: Pete Burnside; Gerry Denk; and Gene “Chick” Cichowski, to name a few. Come to think of it, there was a gym teacher in my elementary school named, Tom Vosnos - now that would be a great name for a band (and, no strange phonetic twisting required)! Ladies and gentlemen. . .Vosnos!
“Led Zeppelin” - the name of this English rock band originated from a phrase which you might reasonably have imagined: something “going over like a lead balloon,” which was Anglicized into, “Lead Zeppelin,” when one of the band members pointed out that a zeppelin is, in essence, a very large balloon, and which further morphed into, “Led Zeppelin,” because of fears that American rock fans would be unable to properly pronounce the word “Lead” (rhymes with “head”), and would instead refer to the band as, “Lead (rhymes with “heed”) Zeppelin.” And, the name pronounced that way doesn’t make any sense, just as their most-well-known single shouldn’t be known as, “Stairway to Heathen.” Remember the band that originated in Pennsylvania, and became a sensation, in the movie starring Tom Hanks, entitled, That Thing You Do, released in 1996? They were originally called, “The Oneders” (pronounced “Wun-ders”), but their new manager changed the spelling to, “The Wonders,” because the cutesy wordplay caused people to mis-pronounce the band name as, “The Oneders” (pronounced “Oh-nay-ders”). I know it’s a fictional band, but still. . .
“Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention” - this band, which dates to 1965, was originally named, “The Mothers,” (christened on Mother’s Day), but, “. . .of Invention” was added by their new record label, because they wanted to allay any concerns that fans would append another, more profane suffix onto the end of “Mother” when referring to the band. I trust Frank Zappa implicitly with respect to naming activities; after all, his children bear the perfectly mainstream names, “Moon Unit,” “Diva Muffin,” “Dweezil,” and “Ahmet Emuukha Rodan;” thank goodness his wife was able to talk him out of his first choice for Moon Unit: “Motorhead.”
“Steely Dan” - I am a big fan of Steely Dan - my daughter and I danced to, "Reelin’ in the Years,” at her wedding - but the backstory on the name of the band is not something you discuss in polite society. Although I’ve never read, William Burrough’s, Naked Lunch, apparently the book features a sex toy with the nickname, “Steely Dan,” which was co-opted by the band. The popularity of the band was summed up nicely in a YouTube comment, which caught my eye, and stated, “Listening regularly to “Steely Dan” makes you eleven-percent more hip.” Now, who doesn’t want to be eleven-percent hipper? So, I got that going for me. . .which is nice!
As a self-appointed clearinghouse for great names for a band, I welcome your suggestions. Please feel free to provide them in the “Comments” section at the end of this column (there is a “Comments” section at the end of this column, right?), or email them to me at: “ruleofthreebs@gmail.com.” I promise to take gentle care of your suggestions, and surface them as appropriate, i.e. when asked by a band in development to assist with naming exercises.
Hey, you know what would be a great name for a band? “Rule of Three!” Just sayin’. . .