* (the "Asterisk")

The unsung hero of the punctuation world.

I don’t think I have given the humble asterisk its due; in fact, I don’t think any of us truly appreciate its versatility. Now, perhaps that’s not such a terrible thing for laypeople such as you, but, for those of us making a living by writing, it’s important that we pay heed to writing traditions, and also to be aware of emerging trends. Yes, I recognize that Rule of Three is provided free to you each week, so technically, I’m not making a living by writing, but you know what I’m saying.

The asterisk is one of your lesser-used punctuation marks, and, according to grammarist.com, “The asterisk is almost exclusively used as the most popular symbol for footnoted notations in the existing text. It provides a visual connection to additional information for the reader to further understand the material. It also can be used to censor letters in profanity, help highlight disclaimers, or even be used symbolically in company logos.”

Here at Rule of Three, we rarely footnote notations, because we prefer that you stay anchored to our site, rather than traveling willy-nilly all over the internet in search of more entertaining, and perhaps more factual information; that’s simply not in our best interest.

And, although we remain infused with the sensibility of a fourteen-year-old boy, and can snicker with the best of them at the use of profanity sprinkled throughout articles, the Wild West nature of the internet does not require censorship of profanity used in published pieces. I mean, maybe the New York Times offers a reasoned, professional approach to its treatment of profanity (an excerpt from its stylebook on the issue of “obscenity, vulgarity, profanity” indicates that, “The Times differentiates itself by taking a stand for civility in public discourse, sometimes at an acknowledged cost in the vividness of an article or two, and sometimes at the price of submitting to gibes.”) “Gibes?” C’mon, New York Times, get the f**k over yourself! Perhaps Rule of Three needs to develop its own profanity policies. . .then again, perhaps f**king not.

And, there’s the final application reflected, that of company logos. There might be others out there, but E*TRADE is the only one that springs to mind, and in the spirit of pandering to website views and unique visitor counts, we don’t believe there’s enough reader interest to justify expending our f***ing time and energy on that front.

Which leads us to “disclaimers.” The most famous use of the asterisk is of course the one attached by Major League Baseball to the single-season home run record mark of sixty-one home runs set by Roger Maris of the New York Yankees in 1961, breaking Babe Ruth’s 1927 record of 60 home runs; Maris broke Ruth’s record in the first season in which an additional eight games had been added to the schedule, producing a 162-game schedule, up from the previous 154-game schedule.

The commissioner of baseball in 1961, Ford Frick, decreed that Ruth’s record would stand unless it was broken within 154 games; Maris recorded his 61st home run in the final game of the season, the 162nd. Thus, an asterisk, qualifying Maris’ feat, was appended to the record book. The asterisk remained in place for thirty years, until it was abandoned by another baseball commissioner, Fay Vincent, in 1991. The current record for home runs in a season was recorded by Barry Bonds: 73, in 2001. Roger Maris now stands at number eight on the list; of the seven leaders listed ahead of him, 6 were registered by alleged steroid users, begging the question of whether or not those achievements should include an asterisk as well. Kinda’ makes your head spin, no?

In any event, Rule of Three wonders (aloud) what other accomplishments deserve an asterisk, denoting an effect which positively impacted the result, such that an advantage was enjoyed by the victor. I’m sure you can envision circumstances in which an unfair advantage was leveraged by someone - well, so can Rule of Three, although Rule of Three’s Legal Department insists that we share this disclaimer (ironic, no? A disclaimer about a disclaimer) with you before sharing our thoughts: Each of the person, or persons, highlighted below are merely fictional characters devised for illustration purposes; any resemblance, either actual or imagined, to an actual person, either living or dead, is purely coincidental. There, that settles that. Now, maybe you don’t have the resources to invest in an Asterisk Disclaimer Assignment (“ADA”) Department, as Rule of Three does. Which is why we’ve tasked that department with surfacing some common scenarios, for which you should be on the lookout:

• Billionaire who appears to be not that bright - as I point out frequently to a colleague of mine: “Life ain’t fair!” So, this guy succeeded, perhaps by being in the right spot at the right time, or due simply to dumb luck - so what? But, clearly an asterisk should be attached to this guy’s accomplishments.

• Performing artist who is not all that talented - you may have been to the movies, or to a concert, and thought, “Geez, this guy’s not that great an actor,” or, “Man, that woman really cannot carry a tune,” or, “Can you layer the butter on my popcorn, please?” Well, the third issue invites an easy solution, whereas the other two are a bit more problematic. Some artists succeed, despite lacking the talent gene. We should shrug our shoulders, proclaim that there’s no accounting for taste, and apply an asterisk to their achievements.

• Politician who is beloved by voters but fails to deliver promised results - politics is a nasty business, which comes with its own unique set of rules. Promises must be made in order to be elected, but, let’s face it, some promises are made, with absolutely no intention to fulfill them. It might be cynical to suggest that every politician ever, of all stripes and political leanings should be labeled with an asterisk, but. . .if the shoe fits. A related business opportunity here would be a necktie featuring a field of asterisks, available in both blue and red color schemes.

• Someone who is famous simply for being famous - no, I’m not thinking about The Kardashians here - why was that the first thought that popped into your head? I acknowledge that each generation comes with its own fresh perspective, and career opportunities. Who would ever have imagined the ability to make a living as an influencer, or by posting videos to Youtube or TikTok? Those that fall into this category definitely deserve an asterisk.

• Owners of businesses which lack a viable product, but which reflect enormous valuations - I believe the asterisk is warranted in this case, because it’s a clear case of “Professor Harold Hill of The Music Man” syndrome: there simply is no product being provided. But, one could argue that there is tremendous energy, effort and business acumen involved in the duping of investors and speculators, required to craft this Wizard of Oz-like business mirage. Perhaps there should be an asterisk attached to the asterisk. Unfortunately, some of these supposed businesses crash and burn - I’m looking at you, Sam Bankman-Fried, Elizabeth Holmes and Bernie Madoff.

• Professional wrestler who wins the World Championship Wrestling Belt - umm, I don’t know if you’re aware, but these things are scripted, and the winner was chosen before the championship bout was actually conducted - asterisk applied. Sorry, Hulk Hogan!

  

Well, those are the asterisk-worthy situations tagged by the team here at Rule * Three. Perhaps you can imagine other characters whose accomplishments should be qualified with an asterisk - feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. Just don’t f**king confuse them with other popular uses of the noble asterisk.

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