In answer to the question you were about to ask: We’ve reviewed thoroughly with the Rule of Three legal team the question of potential copyright infringement with respect to the title of today’s column, and their advice reinforces a longstanding legal construct, which clearly states that, “. . .the insertion, or redaction of a single letter wholly and completely absolves the user of any liability whatsoever in a potential copyright infringement action, and serves to fully establish the work as a completely original piece.” That’s one powerful “S,” my friends. Also, we added a “The” to the title, so there’s that.
And, no, this isn’t a reprise of a column regarding a famous composition by American composer John Cage (link to that column helpfully featured below). The official rules governing column-writing clearly state that a minimum of forty-two months must have elapsed, before a columnist is legally allowed to republish a given piece, so, considering that the John Cage column was initially published in January of this year, the earliest that it could be dusted-off would be July, 2025 - so, it’s a date, then? I’ll be the one not wearing a tie - either the pandemic’s impact on workplace mores, or advanced age has dampened my enthusiasm for wearing a tie every workday, breaking a forty-year habit. I should point out that the columnist’s code does allow for the publication of a “Best of. . .” column, drawing upon works published during the most recent twelve months - a loophole which I will no doubt be exploiting as necessary.
Now that we have dispensed with the legal issues surrounding this column, on to the crux of today’s message. Similar to a character in a lead role in a feature-film, I have felt that my daily existence is accompanied by a soundtrack. This soundtrack has included daily interactions with friends and family (and, strangers also), and has included a heavy dose of video, and audio content as well. I mean, I grew up as a part of the TV generation, and watched a lot of television after school, a habit that continues to this day, although manifested now in the form of viewing binge-worthy streaming content. And, when commuting or traveling in the car, I am rarely without music, or a podcast as an accompaniment.
But, lately, I have become attracted to the idea of engaging in periods of silence. I recognize that filmmakers are not necessarily attracted to this idea; in fact, during a recent visit to tasteofcinema.com, of the ten movies listed in the “10 Great Movies That Use Silence Brilliantly,” I only recognized two: Raging Bull, and Das Boot, the latter of which apparently deployed thirty-three seconds of silence as a dramatic device reflecting that the U-boat crew was safe after repairing their vessel. Given the massive cost attached to making films, I estimate that bit of footage cost approximately $28.2 million - that’s some expensive silence.
I’m not advocating spending hours staring at a wall, doing nothing at all, mind you. I count reading as observing the silence mandate, whether reading a book, or a local newspaper, or the latest Rule of Three column; “reading” an audiobook does not earn the silence credit - it’s right there in the title: “audio.” And, I’m told that exercising in silence can be quite fulfilling as well - so, yank out those earbuds, and feel the burn. Finally, consider stowing the “dirty talk” when connecting physically with your significant other - this advice is courtesy of the Rule of Three Intimacy Counseling Division.
An added benefit derived from this quiet time is thinking, and I think we can all agree that there is precious little thinking occurring in our world today (that’s three versions of the word, “think,” crammed into this one little sentence, for those of you keeping score at home).
As you decide whether or not to join me in this “Silence Movement,” there are a few do’s and dont’s you should bear in mind, including:
Do Adopt the Silence Option
When receiving the “Miranda warning” - it’s right there, at the beginning: “You have the right to remain silent.” - good advice for all of us upon being arrested. Oh yeah, I should point out that this is a secondary suggestion - the primary piece of advice is: Don’t get arrested!
When attending a wedding - you know, the part where the pastor, or other officiant, asks: “. . .speak now or forever hold your peace.” It might play for comedic effect in movies, but you don’t want to be that guy - even if you want to speak now, my advice to you is, forever hold your peace.
When in the dentist’s chair - why are most dentists chatty guys, who try to engage you in conversation, while they are rooting around in your mouth with metal tools? The answer to virtually any question they ask you while you are in this position is going to be “Mmglphfrimprtslkom” anyway. Silence is clearly the desirable option here.
When at the movies - in the old days, movie theaters would feature dancing popcorn and sodas, encouraging you to visit the concession stand before the movie started; currently, our theater plays vignettes featuring animated M&M’s imploring you to silence your cell-phones. Too many times during our many movie theater visits have our fellow moviegoers engaged in talking, cell-phone viewing (with visible screen-light), and just plain tomfoolery during the movie - cut it out, man! And, get off my lawn!
Don’t Adopt the Silence Option
When in a job interview - studied insouciance can be a cool affectation, but a job interview is no place for it - the strong, silent type is not what most companies are after when hiring.
When engaged in couples therapy - your significant other (again, according to the Rule of Three Intimacy Counseling Division) is looking for you to open up here about your feelings - even if you don’t have any feelings, and just want to watch golf on TV, you damn well better offer up something useful, or this weekly appointment will remain on your Outlook calendar for quite some time.
When being executed - although I’ve never seen an execution in person, I’ve been led to believe that the “executee” is asked whether he has any last words, just before being executed. If you’re on death row, it’s probably a good idea to scribble some notes in advance; much like the Academy Awards, I think scripted remarks play better than off-the-cuff ones. And, not the time for silence. Also, I think you’re allowed to choose your last meal, so give that some thought too.
Well, that’s my advice regarding how best to observe silence. An old adage submits that, “Youth is wasted on the young.” My hope is that silence isn’t wasted on the quiet.
I think the Dalai Lama said it best, when he suggested that, “Silence is sometimes the best answer.” Big hitter, the Lama.
Next week: An exploration of infidelity and May-September romances - column title pending advice from the Rule of Three legal team with respect to the working title: “Ms. Robinson.”
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Bill,
I found your column entertaining. And yet, ironic too that your Substack voice is being marshaled in the cause of silence, at least silence when appropriate. Of course silence is golden. We learned that along with other sayings and aphorisms when we were kids. I've relearned it over and over in my adulthood, mostly with variations of "Shut up!" and "Will you shut the fuck up?!" I'm much too voluminous a talker to be very good at silence. However, I do like the the aphorism, attributed to Confucius, Lincoln, Mark Twain and others (no one will remain silent on who originally said this, it seems): "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt." Tragically, I have embodied the second half of that aphorism for most of my adult life.
At one time, seeking some mental solace, and possibly spiritual enlightenment, if I could get a two-for, I regularly meditated and also read some of the writings of the Vietnamese Buddhist master, Thich Nhat Han. He wrote:
“All the wonders of life are already here. They’re calling you. If you can listen to them, you will be able to stop running. What you need, what we all need, is silence. Stop the noise in your mind in order for the wondrous sounds of life to be heard. Then you can begin to live your life authentically and deeply.”
In fact, he wrote a whole book about it: Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise.
In my case the lesson didn't take. There's still too much noise in my mind.
Thank you for reminding me of the power of silence. Have a wonderful week.
-- JF
This week I will remain silent. Now if I’d not written a comment it might be interpreted as not caring, forgetfulness, brain cramp or old age. So I had to write “remain silent” in order to do so.