The United States has been the recipient recently of massive clouds of smoke, courtesy of Canadian wildfires, shrouding vast areas of the country in dense fog. Products imported from Canada usually include: lumber, prescription drugs and hockey players, but this smoke has been quite persistent, and wildfire season is just now getting underway, promising a glut of this product on the market for the next several months.
And, it’s not as if the U.S. is in need of this product, as domestic production of smoke from wildfires has ramped-up significantly in recent years - primarily in California and other western states.
This environmental challenge has reminded me of a small business experience I had more than thirty-five years ago. Wait, what?
Yes, our story begins with a chance encounter on an airplane involving Patrick Reynolds, the grandson of R.J. Reynolds, the founder of the eponymous tobacco company, and a marketing professional, whom I will call “Bunn” (because that was his name). Now, let me stop you right there - I can sense the questions forming in your mind, and will pre-emptively answer them, as best I can: Yes, I recognize that “Bunn” is a ridiculous name for a grown man; no, I have no idea whether or not that was his given name, or merely a nickname which stuck; and, no, I don’t believe that he was in any way affiliated with the company which has long produced coffee makers for commercial and consumer use.
As for Patrick Reynolds, he had (ironically) become an anti-smoking activist, around 1986, a couple of years before I met him. He had also been pursuing an acting career: imdb.com credits Patrick with sixteen appearances as an actor, although I note that two of those reflect TV series, in which he appeared in two episodes, which would increase his tally to 18; unfortunately, imdb.com also indicates that five of those appearances were “uncredited” (it’s perplexing to me how an uncredited appearance can be accounted for in a listing of “credits”), trimming his total to 13. The most amusing appearance, to me, is that of “Third Krishna,” in the film, Airplane (uncredited, of course) - I’m definitely going to pause the movie during that scene, the next time I stumble across it, in order to check-out Patrick’s performance - I wonder if he was up for “First Krishna” during auditions?
Reynolds has apparently expended a lot of energy in the ensuing years to his anti-smoking activism, and has been praised for his efforts.
But, back to that chance encounter on an airplane. Bunn connected with Reynolds, and, learning of his family background and his anti-smoking stance, convinced Reynolds that the two of them should form a partnership, and market stop-smoking products - Patrick’s story was an irresistible marketing “hook,” and Bunn was determined to leverage it to sell stuff.
Here at Rule of Three, the only marketing "hook" we attempt to leverage is that our product is free - simply click the button here to subscribe now - it's free!
The product itself was a “stop smoking kit,” which contained vitamins and audiocassette tapes (this was 1988, mind you) including messages from motivational speakers - you know, things like: “You can quit smoking,” and “You don’t want to light-up that cigarette,” and “What an outstanding performance by the “Third Krishna” in Airplane.” This product was hawked nationally by commercials on TV stations at 2:00 in the morning, and the next morning, reports were available regarding how many units were sold in each market, which were subsequently fulfilled by a warehouse in Nebraska, I think.
How do I know all these details regarding a short-lived product marketed thirty-five years ago, you ask? That’s right, Bunn recruited me to join the team as well. We didn’t meet on an airplane, and my story didn’t provide an interesting marketing “hook,” but, as a young accountant in Chicago looking for a new opportunity, I visited the company’s offices on Erie Street, in Chicago’s Near North to interview for the job of Chief Financial Officer.
I had spent the previous five years working with Beatrice Companies (formerly Beatrice Foods) in their corporate accounting department. And, still in my 20’s, I had grown tired of the large corporate office environment, in which innovation and experimentation were not encouraged. I craved a role in a smaller, more nimble, entrepreneurially-minded organization, in which my personal contributions could be more tangible. And, where else, but perhaps a bank, could I enjoy such a lofty title at a young age?
Beatrice’s 1985 leveraged buyout (“LBO”), executed by the specialists in that space, Kohlberg Kravis Roberts (“KKR”), with a $6.1 billion price tag, which was the largest of its kind at that point, resulted in the sale of Beatrice’s many disparate businesses, and, selfishly, led to the downsizing of its corporate office, spurring me to seek another opportunity. Ironically, that LBO was eclipsed a few years later when KKR performed one for RJR Nabisco (a company formed by the merger of Nabisco Brands and R.J. Reynolds - yes, that R.J. Reynolds), which was a $25 billion deal.
As Chief Financial Officer of this nascent operation, my primary job was to attempt to keep our creditors at bay, while we struggled to develop an effective marketing message, which would attract enough sales to stay afloat. I may have considered reaching out to KKR for assistance, but, noting that the crux of their LBO strategy was to borrow heavily to finance the purchase, then, quickly sell off all the pieces of the organization to pay off the debt, and pocket the (usually sizable) difference, I determined that the only assets they would be able to sell off included a couple of skids of vitamins, a bunch of motivational audiocassettes, a Bunn coffeemaker, and whatever pamphlets the “Third Krishna” was able to purloin from the set of Airplane, and that KKR was unlikely to be able to help. Alas, after a couple of months of spinning those plates in the air, I determined that we were unlikely to achieve that lofty goal (you know, survival), and resigned.
I remember Patrick as a likeable guy, if a bit naive, at least with respect to launching a new business. I respect his anti-smoking advocacy efforts in the intervening years; it’s clear that he is quite passionate about the cause. And, Bunn was irrepressibly optimistic - I can recall him telling me that “There’s no such thing as problems, there’s only opportunities,” resulting in my approaching him one day with, “Bunn, we’ve got a tremendous fucking opportunity here.”
Perhaps Patrick can be persuaded to set aside his battle against smoking temporarily, in order that he can help us confront the more immediate threat: actual smoke.
If you're able to see through the haze and glimpse the blue button below on your computer monitor, or device screen, simply click it now to subscribe to Rule of Three - it's free!
"it’s not as if the U.S. is in need of this product, as domestic production of smoke from wildfires has ramped-up significantly in recent years - primarily in California and other western states."
Where's the LOL emoji in Substack?