Infamous gangster John Dillinger was gunned down by FBI agents outside the Biograph Theater in Chicago in 1934, having been betrayed by a “woman in red” (actually, the woman was wearing an orange dress); I think that Dillinger’s cause may have been further harmed by the use of vanity license plates, on his 1933 Essex (Hudson) Terraplane 8 - not smart when you’re trying to lay low, man!
Other than my wife’s car featuring the names of our two boys years ago, I have no personal experience with vanity plates. We did have a neighbor back then, who drove a mid-1980’s station wagon with the plate: “URAQTPI.” My parking space was right next to hers, so I viewed that plate every single day, but, given her Middle-Eastern heritage, I believed the phrase to be some exotic incantation tied to her homeland. For at least a year, I believed this. Finally, it dawned on me what this bizarre collection of letters actually stood for - I don’t think anyone else let me in on the meaning, and I’m not sure what caused the eventual epiphany, but I felt pretty stupid not recognizing its meaning more quickly. What’s that? You haven’t cracked the code yet? How about if I substituted the image pictured below for the final two letters of the plate number? Anything? No? That’s OK, take your time - as I said, it took me more than a year to get it.
I’ve been wondering what sort of vanity plates are being produced by inmates in prisons these days (I presume that prison inmates are still in the business of producing license plates, and being paid 26-cents per hour to do it, although I freely admit that I learned that from watching old-time prison movies - the business has perhaps been offshored by now, and license plates might be mass-produced in factories in Mexico or India, by paying underage workers 12-cents per hour).
A sampling of some of the more interesting vanity plates I have stumbled across, which speak directly to Rule #3 (you know, the one about amusing yourself), (and, by now you’re on to my occasional columnar scam, in which I repurpose content lifted from somewhere else, and perhaps inject a few snarky asides, and proclaim it an award-winning column - this column from earlier this year is a prime example. . .)
include:
This one impressed me with the amount of planning required to execute the task - the requested plate was “SIDE THE,” and the vehicle’s owner supplemented that on the frontend and the backend - very creative, indeed. . .
Another one requiring supplemental cosmetic work. . .
Truth in advertising. . .
Now, if you end up trading this car in for a Honda Accord, something will get lost in the translation. . .
A self-own. . .
Go ahead, take a moment. . .
I figured this one out more quickly than I did “URAQTPI,” but then again, I’m a fan of tater-tots. . .
Thanks, that was gonna’ be my first question. . .
Uh-oh, I don’t think this car belongs to a tax-preparation service. . .
Understanding this one requires basic filmgoer knowledge, say from 1985. . .
I wonder how many people would end up buying a pack of chewing gum, by mistake, instead of attending a blockbuster movie, as a result of seeing this license plate?
Anybody looking for him?
Thanks for clarifying. . .
Inspired by this collection of amusing license plate concoctions, Rule of Three wants to try its hand at this blood sport - herewith are three suggestions we came up with:
“UR SEW. . .” - c’mon, Carly Simon’s hit song, You’re So Vain, right? Great song! And, we are talking about a vanity plate here. Maybe we’re being too cute with the “sew” - some might think we’re touting the benefits of sewing sweaters, or scarves.
“2B SCRAP” - none of us likes to consider our own mortality, and I presume that same dictum applies to automobiles as well, but, let’s face it, there’s only one way this is going to end.
“RULE#3” - I think we’ve established that the entirety of vanity plates can best be summed up by reference to Rule No. 3 (“Amuse yourself”) - ‘nuff said.
Well, I’ve got to bundle-up these design requisitions, and ship them off to the “License Plate Design and Manufacturing Division” at Attica Correctional Facility - look for them soon on the highways and byways of the United States. I wonder if Dillinger spent time in the license plate shop during his stints in Indiana prisons - he seemed pretty focused on his craft, so he probably produced some interesting products.
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