What Are You Giving Up for Lent?

Rule of Three offers advice, which, admittedly, might have been more helpful six weeks ago.

Giving up something you enjoy is a grand tradition during the Lenten season. For forty days you are supposed to abstain from that thing (or, things, I suppose, if you’re angling for a spot on the Lent All-Star Team).

From the word cloud pictured above (Ed. note: a word cloud intends to highlight the relative frequency, or importance of each word, by varying the type size - i.e. the larger the size of the word, the more frequent, or important that element), it’s pretty clear that the two most common things given up for Lent are: chocolate and debt.

Let’s attack the issue of chocolate first, because, who doesn’t love talking about chocolate? If you are one of the many people who have decided to forego the pleasure of consuming chocolate during Lent, let me just say, “What the hell are you thinking? Are you out of your mind?”

Chocolate has no season - it can, and should be devoured year-round - but, during Lent, stores everywhere feature chocolate bunnies, amongst other delectable chocolate items. How can anyone ignore the delightful sensation that accompanies biting the ear off a chocolate bunny? It’s madness, I tell you. And, speaking of madness, much of this year’s Lenten season occurs during March. What else happens in March? That’s right: March Madness - the NCAA Basketball Tournament (a/k/a the “Final Four”). Now, you’re going to sit there and tell me that, while spending hours and hours watching top-quality college basketball, with its seesaw battles, and nail-biters and buzzer-beaters, you’re not going to want to pound a Hershey Bar, or a Snickers or maybe some M&M’s? Madness, indeed.

As for giving up debt, I must confess that I didn’t know that was an option. Perhaps forgiving debt is a step one could take, but seeking forgiveness of debt is a whole other proposition - Biden attempted it with student loans, and couldn’t get it over the goal-line. I thought that giving up debt was perhaps a commitment made by banks and other lenders. But, I haven’t gotten calls recently from the mortgage company or credit card companies indicating that I needn’t make any more payments to them. So, I now believe this is yet another example of “word cloud disinformation.”

Other potential foregone pleasures highlighted include: smoking, swearing and procrastination. The linkage between these three components is pretty clear: if you have put off efforts to stop smoking, you’re likely to become angry, and lash out with salty language. My advice: reach for chocolate instead - that’ll settle you right down.

Many of the other items included in the graphic above relate to food: snacking, junk food, fast food, last bite, caffeine, chewing gum, coffee, meat, sugar, soda, French Fries, bottled water, cookies, candy and Starbucks. Man, this Lent thing really aims to take all the fun out of eating. What would the Lent police have us consume: carrots, broccoli and kale? For the record, in the event Rule of Three’s staff nutritionist is listening, I’m cool with that. Mmm. . .kale smoothie. . .yum!

Some other suggestions which caught my eye include: warm showers, shaving and shoes. Granted, these items appear in smaller type than chocolate and debt, but, they appear nonetheless. Now, I recognize that Lent is all about sacrifice, but, I would argue that dispensing with normal, daily grooming habits is not in the best interest of civilized society. I take umbrage, and you should too.

Alright, Rule of Three, you turn up your nose at the suggestions proffered in the word cloud - what do you recommend instead? We thought you’d never ask.

Firstly, there are a few things we suggest that you not consider giving up, including:

• Netflix - we’ve grown accustomed to bingeing streaming series - we simply can’t stop now.

• Single-Malt Scotch - absolutely non-negotiable.

• Subscription to Rule of Three - very few things in life are indispensable, and. . .it’s free, man!

Finally, herewith, for your consideration, are solid recommendations for things you can do without - not only during Lent, but, you’ll be better off if you banish them from your life entirely:

• Friday fish fry - Friday fish frys (fries?) are very big in my mid-size metro market, as they are in many towns and cities throughout the U.S. But, that doesn’t make it right. Plus, the irony of giving up Friday fish frys (fries?) for Lent is too delicious, no?

• Aging - hey, if debt can be unilaterally eliminated without recourse, why not the aging process?

• Crocs - C’mon, don’t make me say it - you know why this is on the list.

So, there you have Rule of Three’s useful advice regarding what to give up for Lent. We promise to provide this valuable information more timely next year. . .unless we get distracted by something we find more amusing.

I know we included this admonition in the column itself, but it bears repeating: a subscription to Rule of Three should not be sacrificed during Lent - simply click the button below to subscribe - it's free, man!