What's On Your Bucket List?

It's your chance to shoot for the stars. . .or, to set the bar really low.

I recently met a couple from out-of-town while waiting in line at a wonderful local diner in the Pittsburgh suburbs, which my wife and I frequent, named Kelly O’s Diner. While chatting with them, they revealed that they were attempting to visit twenty-six restaurants, each one beginning with a different letter of the alphabet. They didn’t have a target list of such restaurants; they simply recorded their success in some way each time they dined at a restaurant whose name begins with an as-yet unspoken for letter of the alphabet.

I suppose I’m not the curious type, because I did not discover their method of recordkeeping: Did they maintain a folded list of the letters of the alphabet in their pocket, and cross off an appropriate letter, at the conclusion of their dining experience? Or, is there an iPhone app which assists them in their recordkeeping? Or, is there an operator located in Nebraska, whom they have to call, who will then log their achievement in a massive database?

Other questions which a more seasoned reporter might have asked include: What are your names? How long have you been engaged in this quest? Must these restaurants be located in an area other than where you reside? Where do you live now? What letters are you still chasing? Are you working your way through the alphabet in order? Does dining at fast-food restaurants qualify as a successful alphabetic visit? If yes, are you able to claim credit for all three letters contained within the restaurant name, “KFC?” Which restaurants which you have visited during this adventure would you recommend? Which ones would you not recommend? If the dining experience was negative, do you still claim credit for dining there? Does Amazon leave your packages exposed to the elements? (this question does not relate to the alphabetic dining couple - it’s merely a personal issue I’m attempting to solve at the moment).

In any event, this nameless, hometown-less, wandering couple would soon be able to cross “K” off their list (I don’t believe they could legitimately claim “O”), or, record it in their iPhone app, or, call that operator standing by in Nebraska.

I’ve heard of others who have made it their quest to visit all Major League Baseball stadiums (there are currently thirty such stadiums). Had they embarked on this journey prior to 1962, there would have been only sixteen stadiums to visit, but a couple of rounds of expansion efforts have nearly doubled the lineup. Of course, that visit to the ballpark now costs on average, $140.00, for a family of four (including tickets, parking and meals), excluding travel cost. And, you have to watch a Major League Baseball game once you’re there, which can be quite painful (or, maybe it’s only painful for we Pittsburghers - PNC Park is a lovely ballpark, but the Pirates. . .)

No, there are definitely worthier pursuits to place in that bucket. Parade Magazine indicates that the three most popular bucket list items (we applaud Parade’s effective use of the rule of three, incidentally) are: “getting healthier,” “travel to an exotic location” and “achieving a wealth goal.”

Parade carves their suggestions into a handful of categories, including “Challenging,” "Thrilling,” “Sporting,” “Travel,” “Popular,” “Fun,” “Ideas for the Mind,” “Ideas for Health,” “Unique” and “Creative.” Each list contains twenty-five suggestions.

The “Challenging” list includes such predictable ideas as: “running a marathon,” “writing a book” and “hiking the Appalachian Trail,” but it also includes the suggestion to “make your own wine,” and “brew your own beer” and to “try axe throwing.” My only bit of advice here is that, if you plan to engage in axe throwing, don’t imbibe from your wine/beer inventory before heading to the axe throwing emporium. Two other suggestions on this list are to “get on a live TV show” and “create a video that goes viral” - I think if you march past my warning regarding axe throwing, you’ll likely satisfy those two challenges, without even trying.

Yes, the “Thrilling” section highlights some potential pulse-heighteners, such as: “riding a rollercoaster,” “going skydiving” and “white water rafting,” but, really, does “flying in a plane” or “traveling on a train” meet that test? Maybe if the airline pilot had drunk his own home-brewed beer, and was preparing to engage in a bit of axe throwing on the plane, while in flight, I suppose that might hike the level reflected on the “Thrill-O-Meter” somewhat.

The “Sporting” list is likely the most unimaginative piece of Parade’s bucket list universe, reflecting eight (count ‘em, eight) variations of hunting (moose, deer, bear, duck, turkey, elk, predator (wait, what?) and “animal from another country” - what does that mean? pandas? kangaroos? okapi?) Thankfully absent from the hunting list is humans, a sport horrifyingly portrayed in a 1932 film, “The Most Dangerous Game.” This list also includes eleven suggestions to “play” a sport (baseball, soccer, softball, volleyball, tennis, padel, etc. - who knew that paddle tennis is actually spelled, “padel?” Not me.

The “Travel” category includes such well-worn tropes as: “an African safari,” “an Alaskan cruise” and “visiting Yellowstone National Park.” But, I’m not convinced that “going to an aquarium,” or “taking a taxi” or “riding the subway” qualifies as travel - some might characterize the latter two as commuting, which hardly merits inclusion on a bucket list.

Parade’s “Popular” list might be better branded as “Life,” inasmuch as it includes such milestones as: “go to college,” “get married” and “have kids.” “Order room service” is a curious inclusion on this list - I don’t recall that task being on the back of a card in the board game of “Life.”

Was it really necessary to spell out all the various watercraft one could pilot on the water, in the “Fun” category? Parade includes: “sailing,” “canoeing,” “kayaking” “airboating” and the broader “boating” activity in this list. What about “rafting,” “yachting” and “piloting a gondola?” Do these outings not rate as “fun” boating experiences?

Perhaps you are curious, as I was, as to what activities Parade would consider to be “Ideas for the Mind.” Well, allow me to enlighten you. Parade believes “reading,” in various forms (the classics, the Bible and biographies) serves to challenge the mind; we here at Rule of Three wholeheartedly agree, and would include reading Rule of Three weekly on this list). They also believe that “line dancing,” “calligraphy” and “learning to drive a stick-shift vehicle” will challenge your mental capacity. O-kay. . .

Under the headline of “Ideas for Health,” “eating healthy,” “becoming physically fit” and “meditating” each seem to be relatively generic, non-controversial suggestions. Some of the “fringier” ideas include: “going oyster hunting” (wait, shouldn’t that have been included above in the hunting-centric category of “Sporting?”), “owning a pet” (as long as you don’t let it outside during hunting season) and “voting in an election” (alright, I’m going to stop you right there, Parade - have you taken note of political activity during the last ten years? How is that nonsense in any way whatsoever beneficial to one’s health?)

Parade’s ideas of “Unique” bucket list items range from: “playing badminton,” “bowling a strike” and “whistling with two fingers” to: “owning a piece of Tiffany’s jewelry,” “owning investment real estate” and “owning an original piece of artwork.” These options represent quite a spectrum: the former ideas require minimal to no investment, whereas the latter three would likely involve securing significant financial resources to satisfy the mission. Also, “have a house cleaner” appears on this list. To be clear, does that suggest that one should clean his house more frequently, or, perhaps hire someone to clean the house, or, and this is my favorite interpretation, invite someone who cleans houses for a living over for dinner, or for other, more intimate activities?

The final category in Parade’s lineup is the “Creative” bucket. As you might expect, this list includes such ideas as: knitting, sewing, crocheting, painting, pottery, scrapbooking and candle-making. But, I’m intrigued by the suggestion that one should “decoupage something.” In order to “decoupage something,” one must first Google the term, in order to understand what the hell it means. It turns out that decoupage is “the art or craft of decorating objects with paper cut-outs.” So, feel free to decoupage that candle you just made, or that bowl you just pottered (can the word “pottery” be turned into a verb? I think it can be, inasmuch as I just did), or, your little sister. Another suggestion on this list is to “make soap” - where are we, on the 1880’s Western prairie, hanging out with Laura Ingalls?

Having digested Parade’s bucket list suggestions, it’s time for Rule of Three to offer up its advice. You didn’t think we would pass on that opportunity, did you? But, before we do, can we talk about the list featured in the graphic atop this column? Some of the activities listed are familiar, but, I would argue that No. 1 (“Make and complete a bucket list”) is redundant, much in the way that including “Completing a time report” on a list of time reporting in a company setting is redundant - Pro tip: If you’re reflecting “Completing a time report” on your time reporting sheet, you’re investing too much energy in that task.

And, No. 5 (“Wrestle a lion”) - really? Come on, man! Perhaps a more appropriate bucket list commitment for this person would be, “Stop writing the letter “N” backwards.” Aren’t you curious what the second half of this bucket list contains? Well, maybe it includes one of these suggestions from the Rule of Three Bucket List Development team:

• “Secure a beverage” - I think it’s hard to argue with this imperative, given the constant medical advice offered regarding hydration.

• “Don’t be a douchebag” - I think you can see where we’re going with this.

• “Amuse yourself” - yes, the third plank in our three-legged bucket list.

Once crafted, regardless of whether you maintain a folded copy of your bucket list in your pocket, or utilize an iPhone app to assist you in your recordkeeping, or, reach out to an operator located in Nebraska, who will then log your achievements in a massive database, it is our sincere hope that you achieve all that you set out to accomplish on your bucket list.

However, if you’ve selected challenges such as “picking up the dry cleaning,” or “cleaning out the garage” or any of the various commuting tasks, please make sure that your “N’s” are not written backwards.

If one of the items on your bucket list is to subscribe to Rule of Three, click the button right now to subscribe, and cross that one off your list - also, it's free, man!