19 Comments
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M Pierce's avatar

Bill, Congrats on the new home and on introducing “discardist” and “discardism” to my vocabulary .

25 years ago we moved into a newly built apartment in Tokyo, equipped with three state-of-the-art bidets. Adjacent to the seat was something resembling an iPad mini, for controls. Water had adjustments for; volume, pressure, temperature and angle/placement of the nozzle. Also included was the, aforementioned, auto-open feature and adjustable lighting. Our girls would give demo’s to all that would watch ….. hours of entertainment . The only feature I embraced (hows that for imagery ) was the heater, which had several setting and a timer. Great feature.

Now it’s Charmin and American Standard.

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Bill Southern's avatar

Man, that's good theater, Mike - I'm sorry I missed the matinee performance. . .

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Melvin Durai's avatar

Sounds like you have a plot for a movie: "Dr. Evil and the Remote Bidet."

Does 11th home include rentals? If so, we're on our ninth after 24 years.

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Bill Southern's avatar

The script is in development as we speak, Melvin. Yes, there are a few rentals in that total - you win - your average occupancy rate is 2.67 years, whereas mine is 3.64 years- congratulations!

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Melvin Durai's avatar

I blame our immigration status for that. It forced us to move around a little more than we would have liked to (all the way to Canada and back!).

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Liza Blue's avatar

How many clickers in your new home? Does your toaster have a clicker? Does the bidet have a clicker? I'm sure that there is a YouTube video that will explain all.

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Bill Southern's avatar

There are some things that I believe should not be performed remotely: toast and bidet activities fall in that category.

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Henny Hiemenz's avatar

One advantage to the toilet/bidet we installed to our master a few years ago is that the automatic opening lid scares our rescue dog away from the trash can that he used to like to dumpster dive in.

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Bill Southern's avatar

Dogs fear technology as much as I do - beautiful!

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Kelly Karrenbauer's avatar

Love this one Bill - we just spent 4 days cleaning out a friend's parents' house where they'd lived since 1974. Two 30 cubit foot dumpsters and it's still not done! Your wife is a genius!

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Bill Southern's avatar

Thanks, Kelly - my wife is definitely a devoted practitioner of “discardism.”

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Emika Oka's avatar

The Japanese made theirs seem so enjoyable. There's music too. Try it, the bidet is not that scary. It's your gentle monster friend. 😁😁😁

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Bill Southern's avatar

You make it sound quite welcoming - I may give it a try.

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Gail Forrest's avatar

my nemesis is the shape of toilet seat

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Bill Southern's avatar

It does seem to require contortionist skills.

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Paul Jackson's avatar

This is not a novel take by any means but the bidet will change your life, and it sounds like yours might even do heated water if it's powered. Try it for a week, you'll never look back.

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Bill Southern's avatar

I might summon the courage someday to road-test it - you may be right, Paul.

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Kevin Winningham's avatar

Yet another well written piece of art that brought a smile to my face … thank you!

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Bill Southern's avatar

Thanks, Kevin - I appreciate it.

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