Name That Movie

Rule of Three's quiz on connecting memorable movie lines with their movies.

A big shout-out to loyal Rule of Three reader, Mike P., who suggested this week’s column topic. I accepted Mike’s gracious suggestion not only because I’ve sidestepped his persistent requests that I honor my commitment to publish a column focused on monkeys, but also because I like movies, and find myself parroting memorable movie lines from time to time. Perhaps you’ll enjoy the challenge posed by the “1st Annual Rule of Three Movie Line Connection Quiz.” I assure you that it will require you to bring your “A game” regarding movie viewing knowledge, and will not include such low-hanging fruit as Roy Scheider’s famous line from Jaws (reflected above), nor will it include this one:

or, this one:

No, the quiz will include lines which might be a bit more obscure, but which nonetheless resonate with me. The rules are quite simple: read the classic movie line below, and indicate in which movie it appears; no peeking ahead at the answer key.

Without further ado, on to the quiz:

1. “There’s no crying in baseball!”

2. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

3. “I’ll have what she’s having.”

4. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

5. “Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?”

6. “Life, uh, finds a way.”

7. “These go to eleven.”

8. “Right in the lumber yard.”

9. “Hey, Mom! The meatloaf! We want it now! The meatloaf! What is she doing? I never know what she's doing back there.”

10. '“What we've got here is failure to communicate.”

So, that’s that. Now to determine how you performed on the quiz. Here is the answer key - one point for each correct answer:

1. A League of Their Own - Tom Hanks, of course, in the role of Jimmy Dugan, the manager of a women’s baseball team during World War II. This line can be easily adapted for use in everyday conversations that you encounter: “There’s no crying in taxidermy!” or “There’s no crying in job interviews!” or “There’s no crying while watching rom-coms!” (bad example, because that is entirely the point of watching rom-coms).

2. Dirty Dancing - bad boy, Johnny, played by Patrick Swayze, defends Frances (“Baby”) Houseman, played by Jennifer Grey, at Kellerman’s season-ending stage show. Have you ever been to a family camp in the Catskills? Have you ever spent time with a bad boy (or girl)? Have you ever been asked to go stand in the corner?

3. When Harry Met Sally. . . - the scene in Katz’s Delicatessen features Meg Ryan’s character, Sally, taking a break from lunch to demonstrate faking an orgasm for Harry (played by Billy Crystal). At the conclusion of the scene, a nearby diner, played by director Rob Reiner’s mother, Estelle, delivers the classic line. Have you ever. . .never mind, I don’t want to know.

4. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - slacker Ferris, played by a young Matthew Broderick, offers up plenty of wisdom for those of us who, you know, have jobs, and mortgages and kids, and are unlikely to ever be able to tap into Ferris’ insouciant advice.

5. The Graduate - Benjamin Braddock, played by Dustin Hoffman, believes that Mrs. Robinson, played by Anne Bancroft, is attempting to seduce him - he may be right.

6. Jurassic Park - mathematician Dr. Malcolm, played by Jeff Goldblum, provides this insight, as an element of chaos theory. Here at Rule of Three, we appreciate that the definition of chaos theory dictates that the hallmark of such a system includes three things: it must be sensitive to initial conditions; it must be topologically transitive; and it must have dense periodic orbits. There, I’m glad that we were able to educate you on those critically important facts. And, if you are able to understand what the hell any of it means, please share it with me.

7. This is Spinal Tap - guitarist Nigel Tufnel, played by Christopher Guest, in this “mockumentary,” explains to interviewer Rob Reiner that the volume on his amplifier goes beyond the “ten” setting on all other amplifiers, and increases to eleven. I debated between the line I chose above and another line which appears in the same scene: “Well, it’s one louder, isn’t it?”

8. Caddyshack - in this scene, Ty Webb, played by Chevy Chase, counsels Danny Noonan, played by Michael O’Keefe, on how to “be the ball,” by allowing him to hit a golf ball blindfolded; the ball ends up in the pond, and when Danny asks Ty where it went, Ty responds, “Right in the lumber yard,” connecting back to an earlier part of the discussion in which Danny laments that, instead of attending college, he will likely end up working at a lumber yard. The real question on your mind should be: “Why didn’t you choose the ‘Be the ball’ quote?’ I would have gotten that one right. Or, even the ‘Your honor, your honor’ one? Or, ‘What an incredible Cinderella story?’” Caddyshack is likely the most chock-full-of-quotes movie there is; as a reward for your engagement, here is a clip containing many of those greatest hits - enjoy!

9. Wedding Crashers - this line is delivered by Chazz Reinhold, played by Will Ferrell, upon being visited by John Beckwith, played by Owen Wilson, seeking advice about his friend, Jeremy Gray, played by Vince Vaughn. The movie highlights the crashing of weddings, but Chazz has developed a strategy for crashing funerals. More importantly, I’ve always liked meatloaf.

10. Cool Hand Luke - The Captain, a prison official played by Strother Martin, offers up this explanation, after beating Luke Jackson, an inmate played by Paul Newman, in this 1967 film; Luke wasn’t listening, apparently.

So, how’d you do? Here’s how to interpret your score:

• 10 correct answers - you cheated, right?

• 8-9 correct answers - that’s a very strong showing - are you free on Tuesday nights for trivia night at Recon Brewing?

• 6-7 correct answers - you started strong, but then you became distracted - perhaps a Seinfeld rerun was on?

• 4-5 correct answers - “Someone with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.” Award yourself extra credit if you recall that line from Ghostbusters.

• 2-3 correct answers - “What we've got here is failure to communicate.” Perhaps you didn’t understand the assignment?

• 0-1 correct answers - I cannot be expected to work under these conditions.

If you scored in the upper quadrant of the scoring rubric, please email your physical address to me at: ruleofthreebs@gmail.com, and we will mail you a fabulous Rule of Three gift pack. If you scored lower on that scale, but would still like to be rewarded with a fabulous Rule of Three gift pack, feel free to do the same - we’ll mail you a fabulous Rule of Three gift pack, but we won’t be happy about it.

Are there perhaps one or two (or, three) classic movie lines which we have not included in this column? Or, perhaps three hundred? Feel free to scribble them in the comments section below, in order that the entire Rule of Three universe can enjoy them. As far as I know, Substack doesn’t limit the amount of space reserved for comments; c’mon, let’s blow it up! Who’s with me? In order to get you started, a few of the “also-rans” include: “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” (Planet of the Apes); “You sit on a throne of lies.” (Elf); and, “Dear 8-pound, 6-ounce newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet...” (Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby).

In order to prepare for Tuesday Trivia Night at Recon Brewery, you should subscribe to Rule of Three - plenty of useless trivia is dispensed in the column each week - simply type your email address and click the button below - it's free, man!