Tall and Tan and Young and Lovely
Rule of Three's tribute to songs about girls.
Allow me to quickly dispel any notion you might have that this column is intended to serve as a legitimate singing competition, in which contestants perform, and vie for the acclaim that accompanies winning such a prestigious contest, such as “The Voice,” or “American Idol,” or “The Masked Singer,” or “The Real Survivor’s Big Brother’s Naked & Afraid Bachelorette of New Jersey,” in which unmarried young women from New Jersey live together in a hut on a remote island, and must roam the island naked, while foraging for food, and honing their song stylings for a weekly singing contest for Simon Cowell, in which Cowell crowns the winner with a single rose - I admit that last one has yet to air, but I believe it’s currently in development.
No, as the sole judge of this non-existent competition, I have already chosen the winner: Astrud Gilberto, whose classic rendition of Antonio Carlos Jobim’s The Girl from Ipanema (whose opening line appears as the headline to this column) sparked the bossa nova craze of the mid-1960’s (youtube link helpfully attached here):
Is this column’s publication coincidental, or was it spurred by Gilberto’s recent death? you may ask. I’ll admit, reading an obituary sometimes sparks a memory, which then forms the basis of a column - case in point, last week’s column. . .
Finding Johann Sebastian Bach. . .
I learned of the death of Gilbert W. Bowen, a few weeks ago, in a manner familiar to us all: I saw a post on Facebook, with a link to his obituary. Dr. Bowen had been the minister of Kenilworth Union Church from 1970 until his retirement in 2007. His predecessor, William R. Hodgson, had served as minister beginning in 1944, passing the torch to Dr. Bo…
However, I want to make it clear that I don’t spend my time researching who died, and what that might mean to my valued readers; I don’t tear apart the newspaper, seeking to read the obits first - I’m a sequential newspaper reader - I start with the front page, and work my way methodically through the paper, section by section, which is why it sometimes takes me a few days to discover that the Pirates have lost another game, by which time they’ve already lost two more.
But, I digress. Let’s return to the topic for which we have gathered to discuss: songs about girls. A few of my favorites include:
My Girl (The Temptations) - kicked off by a memorable bass line, this song, released around the same time as The Girl from Ipanema, has a sweet, soulful sound, and upbeat, inoffensive lyrics.
California Girls (The Beach Boys) - the boys attempt to be politically-correct, complimenting east coast, southern, midwest, and northern girls on their geographically-centric, positive qualities, but, then pivot to suggesting that California girls are the best - true “homers,” they.
Material Girl (Madonna) - Madonna has been around a long time, but this song was one of her earliest hits - perhaps the message of acquiring things resonates with you - it’s certainly an American hallmark.
If you eschew material things, why not opt for something a bit more ethereal? Yes, I'm talking about Rule of Three - simply click the button here to subscribe now - it's free! Girls Just Want to Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper) - Cyndi Lauper offers an alternative response to the question of what girls want: Madonna wants stuff, and Lauper wants to have fun - it certainly makes you appreciate why men find it so difficult to understand what girls want.
Uptown Girl (Billy Joel) - a catchy song about “punching above one’s weight” - i.e. connecting with a girl who is clearly better than oneself.
Barbie Girl (Aqua) - if you’re like me, you’re reluctant to admit that you’ve ever heard this song, which was apparently released in 1997 by a Danish-Norwegian band named Aqua. But, if you’re like me, you also will be unable to stop the song from playing in your head constantly, once you hear it. Mattel was moved to file a lawsuit when the song was released, claiming that it subverted their brand positioning, turning Barbie into a sex object, and labeling her a blonde bimbo. In fact, they’re probably contemplating filing a lawsuit against Rule of Three right now, simply because we’re talking about it - shhh. . .
The Girl is Mine (Michael Jackson/Paul McCartney) - two musical heavyweights duking it out over a girl - this song features, arguably, one of the most banal lyrics ever (which is repeated over and over in the song): “The doggone girl is mine.”
Bad Girls (Donna Summer) - not just a danceable disco tune, but also an instructive depiction of hookers.
Girl on Fire (Alicia Keys) - with a pulsing beat that grabs you, this song is not, as you might think, about a girl trapped in a burning building, but rather, one who is figuratively on fire - who knew?
Jessie’s Girl (Rick Springfield) - Springfield covets his buddy’s girl - call it the “grass is greener” syndrome.
Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison) - this sound is of a more carefree time - life is too complicated now for this song.
Fat Bottomed Girls (Queen) - you could probably still get away with referring to “brown eyed girls,” but, given the heightened sensitivity of the environment today, you would likely have a tougher time deploying Queen’s description of this particular type of girl.
Rich Girl (Hall & Oates) - I wonder if this rich girl hung out with Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl?”
American Girl (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers) - Tom Petty’s concept is a bit less provincial than The Beach Boys’ - although, California girls do sound like a lot of fun.
Big Girls Don’t Cry (The Four Seasons) - no, but according to Donna Summer, they do engage in other mischief.
The Most Beautiful Girl in the World (Charlie Rich) - Rule of Three generally tries to stay as far away from country music as possible, but in the interest of providing a comprehensive compendium, has opted to include this early 1970’s country ditty.
I Kissed a Girl (Katy Perry) - as you might have guessed, this song plays well in the LGBTQIA+ community.
To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before (Willie Nelson & Julio Iglesias) - I had to provide the youtube link to this one, because if you’ve never heard it before, you owe it to yourself to have a listen. Girls attracted to Julio Iglesias is a concept which makes sense to me, because he’s quite a handsome guy, but Willie Nelson. . .
I think that, with this list, we’ve barely scratched the surface of musical tributes to girls. I mean, we didn’t even entertain the possible use of the word, “woman,” or a specific girl’s name. I venture to guess that girls represent one of the most-used topics in creating popular songs, in addition to cars, and bodies of water and muskrats (I’m as surprised as you are that Captain & Tennille’s smashing of the fur-ceiling back in 1976 with the release of Muskrat Love didn’t open the floodgates to a ton of muskrat-related Top 40 hits).
So, if we’re stuck with songs about girls, I’m sticking with Astrud Gilberto’s The Girl from Ipanema.
In order to ensure that you don't miss a future column on trends in popular music, whether it's cars, or bodies of water or muskrats, simply click the button here to subscribe now to Rule of Three - it's free!
No mention of "Girls Girls Girls" by Mötley Crüe? A timeless classic...seriously.
The song title "Brown-eyed girl" reminded me of "Brown Girl in the Ring," a song from 1978 by Boney M, a group that enjoyed far more popularity in the rest of the world than in the U.S.