What is the Least Effective U.S. Advertising Vehicle?

Ironically, it appears on every U.S. vehicle.

Each of us is bombarded with advertising messages every day, delivered via a variety of sales channels: cable television, streaming television, television signals received via rabbit ears or antennas (remember those?), radio, billboards, newspapers, magazines, direct mail, movie theatre screens, websites and mobile apps, to name a few.

Advertising messages vary widely, ranging from so-called “price & item” advertising, intended to spur immediate purchase (e.g. “Come on down to Bobby’s Tire Warehouse this weekend to buy a set of Michelin Primacy MXM4 225/55R17 97H All-Season 55000 Mile Warranty Tires MH16234 for the low, low price of $1,200.00”), to “brand” advertising, which aims to plant the flag of an advertiser in your head, such that you will think of them first when it comes time to purchase (e.g. “Amazon: We sell everything”).

Clearly, the most effective advertising medium is newspaper advertising (Ed. note: The award-winning columnist comes by this belief honestly, having worked for newspaper publishers for nearly thirty-five years - we’ve tried to tell him that nobody reads newspapers anymore, but, you know, he’s a bit delusional), but, what is the least effective advertising channel?

Rule of Three’s vote (and, honestly, it’s the only vote that matters here) is for license plates. I’m sure that, as you have spent time traveling the highways and byways of the United States, you have noticed the state-issued license plate on that car that just cut you off, as you attempted to change lanes on the highway, or on the truck that zoomed past, as the driver extended two (two!) middle fingers in your direction or on that Prius tooling along at 22 miles per hour, just in front of you, on that one-lane road, upon which the legal speed limit is 35 miles per hour.

Now, I suspect that states are not paying for the privilege of featuring their state’s catchy slogan or recognizable graphic on those license plates, but, given that they have to go to the trouble of fielding a team of prison inmates to manufacture the plates, in order to maintain that healthy revenue stream attached to selling licenses to motorists, the savvier states recognize the tremendous branding opportunity available to them to promote their interests.

In the interest of offering (unsolicited) advice to state marketers, Rule of Three has reviewed current state license plate designs, and offers the following suggestions for design revisions:

• New Hampshire - this state has featured the somewhat threatening slogan, “Live free or die” on its license plates for a very long time now. As our society has evolved lately into a non-binary mindset, perhaps New Hampshire should acknowledge that dynamic, yielding the less-definitive, and less-threatening, “Live free or die. . .or, live in your mother’s basement or endure typical health challenges, none of which are life-threatening.”

• Vermont - Vermont has long emphasized its lovely geographic landscape, branding itself the “Green Mountain State.” Fully leveraging the potential of sponsorship opportunities, Vermont could approach Waterbury, VT-based Green Mountain Coffee, and adapt the slogan to: “Vermont: Brought to you by Green Mountain Coffee.” Alternatively, a Waterbury neighbor, Ben & Jerry’s, could be tapped for sponsorship duty, yielding, “Ben & Jerry’s Groo-V (for Vermont) Swirl.”

• Connecticut - Connecticut’s license plate features the tagline, “Constitution State,” which is puzzling to me, because drafting and debating and signing the U.S. Constitution were activities concentrated in Philadelphia, which is most decidedly not located in Connecticut. Ctinsider.com indicates that the nickname springs from what is considered to be one of the first written constitutions of democratic government, crafted in Connecticut, and known as the Fundamental Orders. Why Connecticut is not known as the “Fundamental Orders” state is beyond me. Another likely moniker is “Home to most insurance companies.”

• New Jersey - known as the “Garden State,” New Jersey is home to the trifecta of Camden, Trenton and Newark. If there’s a garden anywhere in the state of New Jersey, I haven’t seen it - a more apt description of New Jersey might be, “State of decay.”

• Delaware - Delaware’s license plate touts itself as “The First State,” owing to its being the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution, in 1787 - suck it, Connecticut! A more appropriate state motto would be, “The First Tax-Dodge State,” in a nod to its business-friendly status, which has resulted in nearly 70% of all Fortune 500 companies being incorporated there - I suspect some of these Fortune 500 CEO’s have never even visited Delaware.

• District of Columbia - I know, it’s not one of our fifty states, but D.C. does take the opportunity, on its license plates, to lodge a political protest, in the form of affixing “Taxation without Representation” on the plates - fine, go dump tea in the Potomac River.

• Virginia - the slogan “Virginia is for Lovers” has been around since 1969 - does anyone else find it ironic that a female name associated with “virtue,” which was the inspiration for the name of this state, is tethered to “Lovers?”

• North Carolina - North Carolina’s license plate features the slogan “First in Flight” - technically, the Wright Brothers took flight in North Carolina, but that’s only because their home state, Ohio, didn’t grant them clearance from the tower.

• Illinois - long known as the “Land of Lincoln,” due to Abraham Lincoln’s having lived there for a period of time, before becoming president, I’m heartened, as an Illinois native, that “Land of Blagojevich” was apparently never under consideration - politicians come and go (and, in the case of Illinois governors, they usually go to prison - fully four out of seven Illinois governors of recent vintage (in office between 1961 and 2009) - that’s 57%, for those of you keeping score at home - have toddled off to prison).

• Missouri - I think Missouri is truly missing an opportunity here to playfully promote tourism - how about: “Missouri loves company!”

• Minnesota - 10,000 lakes - really? Has anyone ever counted them? Our attorneys recommend a less-definitive slogan, less likely to be challenged in court: “Land of (unaudited) 10,000 lakes.”

• South Dakota - South Dakota reflects, “Great faces, great places,” with a background shot of Mt. Rushmore on its license plate, a helpful reminder for those of us who are prone to confuse our “Dakotas” (“Oh yeah, North Dakota is the other one.”)

• Arkansas - Arkansas promotes itself as “The Natural State” on its license plate, which is very confusing to me, because I’m not sure what it’s supposed to imply. Is it intended to suggest the splendor of natural resources such as trees, mountains and wildlife? Or, was the 1984 classic baseball movie, The Natural, filmed there? Or, and I think this one is my favorite, is it home to the greatest number of practicing nudists in the U.S.? The slogan has only been in use since 1995, and a number of others have been utilized by the state over the years, including: “Toothpick State,” “Diamond State,” “Razorback State,” “The Land of Opportunity,” “Rackensack,” “Wonder State,” “Bear State,” “Hot Springs State,” and “Bowie State.” Personally, I would have stuck with “Hot Springs State,” but, “Insert state slogan here” could also be appropriate, owing to the transitory nature of promotional taglines developed for “The Natural State.” Also, Rackensack?

• Louisiana - Louisiana’s license plate reflects, “Sportsman’s Paradise,” but a more appropriate alternative, as reinforced by a recent court ruling regarding the mandatory posting of the Ten Commandments in all educational institutions might be: “Church and State: One and the Same.” Interestingly, six states do blatantly disregard the separation of church and state, by inserting God into the license plate equation.

• Colorado - yeah, we get it, you’ve got mountains.

• Utah - Utah’s license plate features the slogan, “Greatest Show on Earth.” I admire their wordplay, but unless there is a footnote somewhere (perhaps on the back of the license plate) acknowledging express written permission from Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus to use their slogan, I think they’ve got a court date looming.

• Nevada - “Home means Nevada” appears on Nevada’s license plate. Sure, if your “home” includes 24-hour slot machines, and garish stage shows and scorching 105-degree heat, then, yeah, “Home means Nevada.”

• Idaho - “scenic Idaho” license plates remind us that this is where “Famous Potatoes” come from. I think this is the only state license plate which highlights its connection to a vegetable; Florida and Georgia do include a picture of an orange and a peach, respectively; Kentucky could certainly feature a picture of a bottle of Bourbon. Perhaps you can think of other foodstuffs deserving of the license plate treatment - please share your suggestions with us in the comments section below, and we’ll likely ignore them.

In most cases, these critical license plate promotional messaging decisions are rendered moot, given that auto dealers insist upon splashing their own branding atop the license plates - another example of unpaid promotion - well-played, auto dealers, well-played.

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