Experience in Musical Theatre is Not Required. . .

. . .but, it couldn't hurt.

The Josephs Sears School is an elementary school located in Kenilworth, Illinois, a small, bedroom community nestled in Chicago’s North Shore. I was a student there in the 1960’s and 1970’s, graduating in 1974. The school had a quaint tradition (and, perhaps still does) of producing a live musical, utilizing the current 8th-grade class as its performers.

Our class mounted a production of Oliver, a classic musical which was based upon the Dickens novel Oliver Twist, and which premiered in London in 1960. A director was hired by the school - likely a student at nearby Northwestern University, whose theatre studies program has enjoyed a lofty reputation - and, auditions for each role in the play, as well as for members of the chorus and dance ensemble, were conducted.

Now, given that fifty years have passed, and given also that I’m working without benefit of access to the 1974 Playbill-like program no doubt distributed to theatregoers who attended the show (you know, our parents and unwitting siblings), I am piecing together the following cast list, to the best of my fading memory:

• Oliver Twist - Jeff Holland

• Fagin - Peter Roberts

• Nancy - Julie Greer

• Bill Sikes - Evan Kavanagh

• The Artful Dodger - Ned Jannotta

• Noah Claypole - Jeff Wilson

• Widow Corney - Gigi Lane

• Mr. Bumble - Bill Southern

There are another handful of roles for which I’m drawing a blank (and, I may have misattributed a few of the ones listed above - I call upon my fellow classmates to set me straight, and to fill in the gaps in the comments section below), but, honestly, the cast list is mere window-dressing; no, the main point here is that this was my first foray into musical theatre. . .and, sadly, my final performance.

Yes, I was cast as Mr. Bumble, a character who manages the workhouse where Oliver was born and where he lived. That role included appearing in the opening scene in the show, lending voice to the titular song, as well as singing a couple of other songs, including “One Boy,” “I Shall Scream” and “That’s Your Funeral.” Thankfully, Mr. Bumble is not called upon to engage in dance steps, because, you know, even though I am an award-winning ballroom dancer, as documented in this 2021 Rule of Three column. . .

. . .movement on stage was not my strong suit.

My memories of our 8th-grade musical experience are quite positive: we rehearsed song and dance and acting for a number of weeks, we appeared in costume on stage and we enjoyed the applause from the appreciative audience (you know, our parents and unwitting siblings). Perhaps it was this experience which sparked my interest in becoming involved in theatre activities during my high school and college years, albeit from the perspective of the orchestra pit.

So, yes, my star turn as Mr. Bumble in Joseph Sears School’s 8th-grade class production of Oliver in 1974 was the apex of my theatrical career. Oh, sure, I traveled into the orchestra pit during high school, and conducted some musicals at New Trier East High School, in Winnetka, Illinois (including “Lagniappe”), and at the University of Kansas (“Rock Chalk Revue”), but I was never allowed back on stage. Perhaps that was due to the stiff acting competition presented at New Trier, including such luminaries as: Ann-Margret, Rock Hudson, Charlton Heston, William Christopher, Bruce Dern and Rainn Wilson. In the interest of full disclosure, none of those actors were in my class at New Trier, but there were many other talented performers on board during my time there, including Rusty Schwimmer and Liz Callaway.

Recently, I have been presented with an opportunity to re-enter the musical theatre game. As a type 2 diabetic, I have been prescribed Jardiance by my doctor, and, from what I’ve seen, that means that I am expected to break into full Broadway showtune mode at a moment’s notice. . .

It’s eerie - I’ve literally worked in office cubicles much like the ones pictured in that Jardiance commercial; I’ve worn a tie much like the one worn by the guy with the glasses (well, not one that unimaginably ugly, but, a tie nonetheless); and I’ve pretended to examine documents in a folder while exiting my cubicle much like the other guy who surfaces later in the commercial.

It’s nice to know that my long-ago theatrical training will come in handy, as I and my fellow Jardiance users are put through our paces in everyday situations such as in offices, grocery stores and while trimming hedges (yes, that’s right, Jardiance users frequently break into song while trimming hedges. . .apparently). This drug has opened up a whole new avenue for me; you might call it “the Great White Way.”

I’m sure Lin-Manuel Miranda is always on the lookout for new talent, as he prepares to create his next musical theatre sensation. Well, Lin-Manuel, look no further than your television set, as the latest Jardiance commercials provide you with talent aplenty!

And, as a student of the acting game, I wonder what unique spin my high school colleagues Rock Hudson, Charlton Heston and Bruce Dern could have added to the nuanced performance I provided during my stint as Mr. Bumble? One can imagine Charlton Heston barking at young Oliver to “Take your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty kid!” and Bruce Dern mumbling incoherently under his breath about some thing or another and sensing Rock Hudson’s uneasiness at having to perform a seduction scene with the Widow Corney, you know, given his sexual orientation.

I’m sure their performances as Mr. Bumble would have been quite satisfactory. I’m just not sure they would be prepared for that next big step in their career arc: the Jardiance-fueled, Broadway musical theatre performance demanded of them at a moment’s notice. But I am prepared, thanks to The Joseph Sears School’s 8th-grade musical performance in 1974 of Oliver.

You probably wouldn't be surprised to learn that the Rule of Three staff performed a tightly-choreographed musical number while writing this week's column.  And, we understand if you do the same while reading it.  To keep the lights on in our little theatre, simply type your email address and click the button below to subscribe - it's free, man!